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LISA RYAN (reporting): No woman wants to describe her married life as a nightmare the way Bobbie Naukum just did. But that was the cold, hard reality for Bobbie just six months into her marriage to Phil. To the outside world the Naukums were a happy, churchgoing family. Phil was an Air Force pilot and seemed to be the model husband and father. But behind the scenes it was different.
BOBBIE NAUKUM: Instead of building me up, he was tearing me down.
LISA RYAN (reporting): Bobbie knew something had to give, and she was determined to make a dramatic change in her life, with or without Phil.
BOBBIE NAUKUM: For years, I waited for him to change and he didn't. So I said, OK, I'm not waiting anymore. I'm going to seek God with my whole heart. I'm going to be a good mother. I'm going to be as good of a wife as I can be, even though I can never please him or satisfy him.
LISA RYAN: Did you every consider divorce?
BOBBIE NAUKUM: Yes, I was so unhappy.
LISA RYAN: What made you want to stay?
BOBBIE NAUKUM: I just begged God many times, and He said that was not my option.
LISA RYAN (reporting): But the years of neglect turned into decades. After the Air Force, Phil took a job as a truck driver. He was based in another city and came home only once a month. By then the kids were grown and gone. Bobbie just couldn't take the solitude anymore. When Phil realized divorce was imminent, he revealed a deep, dark secret.
BOBBIE NAUKUM: He sat down on the couch and told me he had been involved in pornography since he was a little boy.
LISA RYAN: So for the 30 years of your marriage, up to that point, he had been in pornography?
BOBBIE NAUKUM: Yes, and I did not know.
PHIL NAUKUM: It's not an easy situation to go through. There is a lot of grief and secrecy involved in that.
LISA RYAN: Did you feel like you were living a double life?
PHIL
NAUKUM: Yes. I went to church, still sang the songs, and greeted people
with 'How are things in your life?' 'Great.'
LISA RYAN: Then the rest of the week you were living this dark life?
PHIL NAUKUM: I could never get enough.
LISA RYAN (reporting): Up to this point Phil was still living out of town. He decided to switch to a trucking job based in town and asked to move back home.
BOBBIE NAUKUM: I told him, 'We'll give it a try, but you'll have to follow the rules, one of which is absolutely no hint of pornography in the house. He broke the rule.'
LISA RYAN: How did you break the rule?
PHIL NAUKUM: On our 30th wedding anniversary. On that day I was so disappointed and discouraged that I was living as a guest in my own house that I needed some kind of relief. I went onto the Internet for the one and only time. I used her information and she got spammed for two years
LISA RYAN: So your private world is now aggressively attacking your wife? How did that make you feel?
PHIL NAUKUM: Very sad, discouraged, and disappointed. I was not able to keep the secret anymore. I just went off and withered on my own. I realized our relationship was pretty much over. I wasn't willing to change at that point because I had been under the assumption that I was not going to be able to get out of it
LISA RYAN (reporting): But God had other plans. One day Phil was on a run for his trucking company when a radio program caught his attention. Rick Warren and John Baker were talking about a 12-step recovery program called Celebrate Recovery. He decided to give it a try.
PHIL NAUKUM: At first it was intimidating, and I didn't take it to heart. I was still on the road trying to be this good guy.
LISA RYAN (reporting): As hard as he tried, Phil fell back into a life of pornography. But this time he was armed with a little information he learned through Celebrate Recovery. He knew where he'd gone wrong. He says he'd given over every area of his life to Christ except that one tiny area that Satan convinced him to keep. He knew he had to surrender everything to be set free, so he prayed.
PHIL NAUKUM: 'God I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm confused. I don't want to live this way anymore. Could You help me?' I had never wholeheartedly accepted Christ as my Savior until that day. After that, I earnestly and effectively worked the 12 steps. I came to the conclusion that Christ is my higher power and that I can be free. I really changed.
LISA RYAN (reporting): One of the steps to recovery is to make amends. Phil headed straight for Bobbie's.
BOBBIE NAUKUM: I knew it was genuine. I cried and I hugged him and I said, 'I've been waiting 33 years to hear these words.' I still cry because it was so important. Thirty-three years of pain. That was the first time he had ever said he was sorry and asked for forgiveness. I knew then that we were going to get back together.
LISA RYAN (reporting): On August 31, 2002, Phil and Bobbie renewed their wedding vows.
BOBBIE NAUKUM: We started over. God gave us a fresh start. It was an exciting day. We had all our friends and family, and we did it just like a real wedding because this was the real one.
LISA RYAN: You guys really meant it this time?
PHIL
NAUKUM: Yes. I understood what Scripture says about being married. As
a husband you have to be like Christ; you have to love your wife like Christ
loved the church.
LISA RYAN (reporting): Phil and Bobbie now have a marriage built on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ.
(To Phil): Most men would not go on TV and discuss their struggle with pornography. Why have you chosen to do that?
PHIL NAUKUM: Open and honest is one of my calling cards. If I'm not open and honest, I can't be open and honest with our Lord. It's my calling to tell others of the problems and give them hope. For 40 years I was involved and ensnared in pornography. By surrendering it all, there is hope. You just have to be willing to surrender it all and realize that you are not in control but that dark forces are in control of your life and you must surrender. Just by admitting that, there is hope at the end of the trail.
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