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Tony and Yolanda Harold have both been married twice before, and they will tell you that one of the most important things they’ve learned is that to have a good marriage, you really do have to work at it. With both having had two failed marriages in their pasts, the Tony and Yoland knew when they married a little more than three years ago, that there was a lot at stake. Before they met one another, both had come to a point after their second failed marriage where they decided there would be no more relationships, at least not until each had made some changes. Tony says they were each just working on their own stuff with the Lord. But as the Lord would have it, they met – in a new believers class at their church. Tony says he would go to class and sit on the front row so that he would not even see the women in the class. But he did see Yolanda, and they did eventually decide to give marriage another try.
Both Tony and Yolanda have high-pressure jobs and demanding schedules. And with three children at home, this blended family was under a lot of stress. Tony says ironically things looked pretty good on the outside. But that was because Yolanda was stifling her feelings and trying to be a “good wife,” not letting Tony know how he was making her feel. Tony thought that because he could quickly assess and solve problems that came up, he was handling his husband role pretty well.
The Harolds reached a place where they worked around each other, often coming home without even speaking to one another. They would head to their separate areas in the house and busy themselves to avoid unpleasant conversation. They realized they were headed to divorce court again. But first, they decided to try a marriage class at their church. While sharing with friends, someone told them about Les and Leslie Parrott’s online assessment, and the Harolds eagerly gave it a try.
Hey, That’s Us
It was through the online assessment and the summaries they got back that Tony learned that although he considered himself an excellent problem solver, Yolanda wasn’t appreciating his solutions nearly as much as he was. The truth was, his speedy assessment and solutions made her feel unimportant, overlooked, and ignored. She needed to express herself and talk things out. Tony learned that because he fears losing control of time, her desires to talk things out drove him to frustration.
Because the online assessment identified both Tony and Yolanda’s fears in communication and also gave them specific tools to use to overcome their fears, things began to improve immediately. Yolanda and Tony agree that being able to understand their own needs and the way the other person perceives them has made a big difference in the way they communicate with one another. They also say that having a tangible result to the assessment with their names on it is so much better than other marriage materials they’ve used that tell someone else’s story and may give you hope for the moment, but no real tools to use for yourself. Being able to read in the compiled assessment “Yolanda, Tony needs time to get his work day in perspective before he hears your concerns” gives them actual, practical steps to take.
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