Best-selling Author, more than 30 books, his latest The Way of The Shepherd (written with William Pentak)
Has appeared on The View, Today, Oprah, Live with Regis, etc.
of Promise, an organization designed to help couples stay married. Married with five children (youngest 15).
At Home with the Lovable Lemans
They say they’re just like any other family, but there’s something special about Kevin and Sande Leman. This award-winning psychologist is known for his humor as much as his practical advice.
Scott Ross: All right, Dr. Kevin, I’ve followed your career for years; some of the books - Birth Order, Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. You’ve written books on sex - may I say it - and the classic title, Sex Begins in the Kitchen.
Kevin Leman: Thirty-two languages, in Espanol – El Amor Comienze en la Cocina. (Scott laughs)
Scott: Now you’ve gone into the agricultural realm - The Way of the Shepherd. What happened here?
Kevin: It’s a book on leadership, Scott. We did some interesting research on shepherding before we tackled this project, The Way of the Shepherd.
Scott: You mean real shepherds? Sheep and shepherds? I’m from Scotland, you know.
Kevin: Oh yeah, it’s big over there, I hear. It’s interesting that the shepherd has a call. But here’s the kicker: the sheep will only follow the shepherd. There’s a tremendous difference between a replica and the real deal.
Scott: Well, in Biblical terms, “sheep know My voice.”
Kevin: One of the main points in The Way of the Shepherd is – you’d better know your flock. You have to back your people. The people in the congregation, the sheep so to speak, have to know that you would go that extra mile; they have to feel like you care about them, and that’s missing today. I think one of the best things you do, Scott, is just tell somebody, “Hey, that was a good job; that was a good job.”
Scott: What about discipline? Is that an important part of leadership?
Kevin: A lot of leaders are perfectionists and they confuse boundaries with bridles. See, I think you need boundaries in any organization, but it’s not a bridle situation like you’re putting a horse - where you’re micromanaging.
People familiar with Dr. Leman have heard his stories about his wife and kids for years. We were given a rare interview this day with Sande Leman.
Scott: Sande, we have cut off Kevin’s mic.
Sande Leman: Good.
Scott: Yes, a number of people have said that. You’ve been in the background, at least as far as the public’s concerned all these years, but he’s talked about you a lot in public. Some books, perhaps, may have your influence in them - First-time Mom? Sex Begins in the Kitchen?
Sande: That’s not me. No, I’m sure that wasn’t written with me in mind, no.
Scott: Women Who try too Hard, Making Sense of the Man in your Life
Sande: Good luck with that one. We’re all still trying to do that.
Scott: This guy has really given away family secrets all over the world. You’ve been married how long?
Sande: We’ve been married 41 years this August.
Scott: How have you done it?
Sande: All in a row. (all laugh) How have I done it? You know what? I think we’ve really had fun together. I think there are a few elements of marriage that hold you together, and I think that, number one is, trusting each other, which is so important. And we just have agreat sense of humor. And he’s the baby, he’s the light one; I’m the first-born, that, keeps him pretty … I did not pick out his outfit today, as you might guess, but (all laugh)
Scott: I heard a story.
Sande: Oh, I bet it wasn’t true. Or maybe it was.
Scott: Where did you two meet?
Sande: We met in the men’s room at a hospital.
Scott: May I ask?
Sande: I was a nurse’s aide; he was a janitor.
Scott: You have how many children?
Sande: We have five great kids.
Kevin: We have that many?
Sande: Five great kids, yeah.
Scott: What is the glue that’s held you together?
Sande: I think we truly care for each other. We truly love each other. I think being a Christian family, having God at the center. Every couple has their own way of working out issues - but no - so I’ve gone to bed so many times mad (Kevin makes face), but anyway.
Kevin: When do I get to talk again?
Scott: You don’t. It’s not your interview. Are you surprised by his success?
Sande: No, he works very hard at what he does. And he just has, what you see, he’s just genuine. I think people really like that. There are no falsehoods. No, he’s not a parent and a husband here and then somebody else here at home. So I think people relate to that. He’s very cushy and fun to talk to and just – he’s just who he is.
Scott: How do you plan on spending your latter years?
Sande: Yeah, we’ll still have a daughter in her 20s when we’re in our 80s – that’s going to be really fun. So, we’re never really going to have a chance to sit on our rocking chairs, which I think is great.
Kevin: But I do want to say this – can I say this?
Kevin: Well, it’s about our sex life.
Sande: Oh no, then you can’t.
Kevin: I’m just here to tell you, well, you do slow down. We’ve slowed down to about oh, four times a week now and it just takes its toll.
Scott: I can see it has on you, Kevin. (Sande hits him with a pillow.)
Kevin: Yeah, so we’re just a couple of old people who, some day are probably going to be caught trying to have sex in our walkers. That would be my dream.
Sande: Well, he might be trying to be caught, not me! (all laugh)
Scott: Thank you for allowing us to live with the Lemans for just a short time. Thanks.
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