Dr. Linda Helps - You are on a date with an incredibly attractive woman or man. You both feel the sexual energy building up. What do you do? Now is not the time to decide! It’s too difficult to think when passion over takes you. You have to decide before you go on the date what your limits will be. Here are some guidelines:

First, if you are a teen, you must honor your parents and respect their counsel (Ephesians 6:2). If you still live at home, you are subject to parental authority. Honor them and God. Do not be sexually active just because you can get away with it.  

1) Do not be unequally yoked (2 Cor. 6:14 ). If you are dating someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ, you are playing with fire. If you fall in love, what will you do? Don’t let the relationship progress to a physical point and then hope you can cut it off later.

2) Put on the armor of God daily. You need all the help you can get in today’s world. Are you spending time with God? Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of love and security? You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God (Eph. 6).

3) Put obedience over passion. Not everything we do that’s right, feels good. In fact, usually the opposite is true. It feels incredibly good to give in to passion. But the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. The culture tells you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedient to His word.

4) Physical expression must be appropriate. Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment. This doesn’t mean anything goes if you are engaged. Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need.

5) Limits must be set mutually. Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. Mutual boundary keeping reflects maturity.

6) Examine your personal motives. What is your motivation- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need or genuine affection?

7) Is there too much physical and too little other?  If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship.

8) Less is better. If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t do it. You should respect and honor each other. Don’t push a date to do anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable.

9) Be guided by love versus arousal. It’s easy to be aroused. Love is the fruit of the Spirit. From love comes self-control. Operate in love not arousal.

10) Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you. If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.

Dr. Mintle – author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over twenty years in psychotherapy practice.

For more articles and information, visit Dr. Linda Mintle's Web site.