Dr. Linda Helps - As a psychotherapist, I’ve treated many couples complaining of low sex drive or lack of passion in their relationships. Frustrated and even ashamed they are bewildered as to how their once passionate feelings for each other dwindled to almost nothing. The immediate assumption is that something terrible is wrong in the relationship. There must be a deep hidden emotional problem that only Freud could understand!

In some cases, relationship issues are key to unlocking lost passion and renewing sexual interest. For other couples, an understanding of the biology of desire is needed. It’s possible to be deeply in love with your spouse and have low sexual desire. Here’s why.

Desire differences are normal. Relationships usually begin with intense passion. You know, you overlook the fact that he can’t make a move without consulting his mother or she really is obsessed with shopping. You are in love. Initial passion or infatuation does burn intensely because of the neurochemistry behind it.

According to experts, infatuation lasts about 18-36 months for most couples. Your hidden biology is thought to be the cause of these feelings.

Although theory is based on animal studies, research psychiatrist Michael Liebowitz at New York State Psychiatric Institute believes biochemical attraction goes this way:

We meet someone to whom we are attracted.

Our brains become saturated with a “love cocktail” composed of phenylethylamine (PEA-a naturally occurring neurotransmitter), dopamine (a neurotransmitter that stimulates libido), and other excitatory neurotransmitters.

This natural amphetamine state is triggered by infatuation or what many of us call romantic love.

To further give credence to this theory, a sexual medicine researcher named Theresa Crenshaw, documented elevated states of PEA in the bloodstreams of lovers and also in ovulating women.

What couples often fail to understand is that the burning fire of passion eventually reaches ember stage. This cool down, if not understood, can leave one feeling disillusioned and distressed. Enter a second factor for couples to understand — the role of testosterone. This steroid hormone produced by both sexes correlates strongly with desire. After initial infatuation, a low testosterone woman can feel sexually disinterested.

Men have 10 times the testosterone levels as women, who have lower amounts, but are more sensitive to the hormone. Their “T” levels drop gradually with age, but are genetically determined by the sensitivity of androgen receptors. Typically, men have stronger desire than women. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule.

During the time of infatuation, PEA release is time-limited. Sexual desire may be hidden because of the PEA release. Afterwards, testosterone levels play an important part in on-going desire. If you have high “T” and you are married to a person with low “T,” you may have problems.

The bottom line is that sexual desire may have more to do with hormones than previously believed. Instead of assuming your relationship is deeply troubled, consider the role of biochemistry.

Sustained sexual intimacy may have to be worked on for some couples. All couples face challenges when it comes to covenant endurance, but remember this:

• passion is short-lived;
• sexual desire may be related to biochemical factors; and
• sustaining sexual interest is a complex phenomenon that includes your physical body as well as relationship factors.

Dr. Mintle – author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over twenty years in psychotherapy practice.

For more articles and information, visit Dr. Linda Mintle's Web site.