Dr. Linda Helps - If you are a married, depressed person, include your spouse in your treatment. The more involved he/she is, the more a therapist can work on specific couple issues that may cause or maintain the depression of one spouse. Don’t assume the individual symptoms of one partner are unrelated to the other. You may or may not be right! In many cases, improving the couple relationship is the key to overcoming depression.

Jackie was diagnosed with clinical depression and seeing an individual therapist. She felt more restless and irritable, than depressed. During one of her sessions, she mentioned that her husband continued to complain about her mood and often left the house when she cried. Based on that information, Jackie’s husband was asked to join his wife in a marital session.

Jackie’s husband, Keith, was glad to have someone to talk to about his wife’s depression. “I don’t know what to do for her. She cries and I feel so helpless. I usually leave the house because I don’t know what to do. Other times I just yell at her because I want her to behave like her old self.”

Keith had no idea how his behavior affected his wife. As a result, he was unable to support her. If you are a depressed married woman, marital therapy may be just what you need to help lift your depression. Although depression is typically thought of as an individual disorder (sometimes biologically based), depression can have its roots in marital distress. Distressed marriages are particularly difficult for women, whether the troubled marriage is the cause of the depression - or simply maintains it.

Women in unhappy marriages are three times more likely than men to be depressed. In part, this is because women highly value relationships and their roles as wives. When marital relationships are satisfying, women do better.

Women also tend to accommodate the needs of others to the exclusion of their own. As a result, they can feel isolated, frustrated and loose their sense of self. This “loss of self” can lead to depression.

In Jackie’s case, she was secretly resentful that her husband rarely helped out with the children. Jackie was exhausted trying to work a part time job, keep up her house and be the caretaker of three children. Keith came from a traditional family in which his father was never involved in childcare or domestic tasks. Jackie’s dad helped her mom. The anger at her husband’s lack of help had built up to a point of unexpressed resentment that manifested as depression.

In addition, life stress and marital arguments can set off depression. Once depressed, the spouse often solicits negative reactions from the other spouse. Then a vicious cycle of stress, feeling and acting depressed, and negative exchanges between spouses can create more hostility and detached feelings. The non-depressed spouse tends to be more critical of the depressed spouse, leaving him/her feeling bad.

Other marital dynamics that set up depression are the lack of spousal support, the inability to confide in a spouse and an absence of emotional expression.

Therapists can help spouses become more mutually supportive and more emotionally expressive.

Spouses can learn to work together to solve problems, thus feeling less isolated.

The result is improved marital relationships and mental health.

The bottom line is this: If you are a married, depressed person, include your spouse in your treatment.

The more involved he/she is, the more a therapist can work on specific couple issues that may cause or maintain the depression of one spouse.

Don’t assume the individual symptoms of one partner are unrelated to the other. You may or may not be right! In many cases, improving the couple relationship is the key to overcoming depression.

Dr. Mintle – author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over twenty years in psychotherapy practice.

For more articles and information, visit Dr. Linda Mintle's Web site.