Dr. Linda Helps - "He better not cross me again."

" I feel like I could hurt someone."

"I'm out of control."

"I can't stop yelling."

"It seems like every little thing makes me mad."

"I hate the way I act when I'm angry."

"I am scaring the kids."

These are comments from people who think they have a problem with anger. Like all of us, they get angry now and then. But when they do, they feel and act out of control. Anger responses can cross the line and become a problem.

Anger that is destructive and causes problems in your personal relationships or place of work should be a concern. If you feel run by this powerful emotion, that it overtakes you in unpredictable ways, consider getting help.

Are you someone who becomes easily angered? It seems like you have a low tolerance for frustration. Any little thing annoys and frustrates you. Have you wondered why this is? Consider this.

Some children seem to be born more edgy and irritable. They cry often and appear easily frustrated. As toddlers, they are cranky and prone to upset. One thought is that genetics or physiology predisposes people to more anger.

Another influence may be the culture. We don't have good models for anger expression. We see people throwing things, yelling, getting their way at the expense of others, wrestling people to the ground, shooting, hurting and basically letting it all hang out. The message is anything goes to release that pent up feeling.

Your family is also a source for learning how to manage anger. A family that is disruptive, chaotic and doesn't know how to handle the emotion of anger creates angry people. You learn what you see. If family members are out of control and have no skills to manage anger, you tend to behave the same way.

For years, people have encouraged angry people to let it out or get it out of their systems. Research tells us this is not a good idea. When people lash out with angry behavior, it actually escalates the anger.

So if genetics, the culture and family members all influence how you deal with anger, you may need help. Counseling is a good place to learn how to control your anger. A therapist can work on the thoughts that trigger your anger and give you helpful techniques to handle it better. The process usually takes about 8-10 weeks. Many counseling practices run anger management classes. Because anger problems are so prevalent, community services offer help as well.

Anger is a part of life. You can't control everyone and every circumstance around you so you need to learn how to cope in ways that aren't destructive to you or others. No matter what the source of your anger, find ways to control it. If you can't or don't like how you behave when you try, get help now.

Dr. Mintle – author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over twenty years in psychotherapy practice.

For more articles and information, visit Dr. Linda Mintle's Web site.