TESTIMONY

Vaughan Penn: 'It's God-Esteem'

By Amy Reid
The 700 Club

Original Air Date: October 6, 2010

CBN.com – You may not know the name, but Hollywood producers do. She’s singer/songwriter Vaughan Penn. Her songs have been heard in TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice and Boston Legal. But even with her success, she’ll be the first to tell you she didn’t do it on her own.

"I feel like God’s always been the one who writes the songs," Vaughan tells The 700 Club. "And I’ve just been very blessed to be a channel for that."

Vaughan was raised in a small town in North Carolina. When she was 14, a group of missionaries visited her church. It was an encounter that changed her life.

"The minute that they offered for the Holy Spirit to come into my heart, everything changed for me. It was that moment, you know, that born-again moment. After that, I could write songs, and I felt like it was a gift directly from God at salvation."

Vaughan continued to write songs and sing. When she went away to college, she joined a vocal group called Crystal Spring Mountain.

"God used music to bring me closer to Him, but also He took this group of people and we went out and played in lots of churches. The next year in Crystal Spring Mountain they asked me to be the leader and talk about some self-esteem struggles that came in. I had always had self-esteem struggles, even though I seemed to have an outer confidence. I really panicked at that time."

Vaughan ducked out of the musical spotlight completely. Eventually she left school.

"If you let a thought of doubt in, sometimes it can mushroom. And for me, it was doubting myself and isolating myself. Then of course I did get depressed and I did go through emotional struggles. So I spent years kind of with one foot on, one foot off."

Vaughan moved to Los Angeles. She continued writing songs and eventually began performing again.

In spite of her success, she still struggled with balancing faith and her own frailties. Then she got a wake- up call.

"I really had been praying for God to show me my purpose in this life, to help me use my gifts for Him. And it was a one night after a gig; I was feeling fine. I started getting a little bit of a stomachache, and before I knew it, I had major intense pain and 106 degree temperature."

Vaughan was rushed to the hospital. She recalls, "I was just afraid I was going to die. I didn’t feel like I was ready. I didn’t feel like I had done enough. I didn’t feel like I had really served my purpose for God on this earth. I was like, 'It couldn’t be time yet, Lord, is it?' And I remember the only thing that really got me through was saying the Lord’s Prayer, and it was like light came into a very black, dark hole. And the more I said my prayers, the more the light came in."

Vaughan was diagnosed with a perforated colon. In spite of her fear of dying, she decided to rely on the Lord for her healing.

"For me, it was a total miracle that I made it through it physically. I began to feel the power of others’ prayers supernaturally like I’d never felt before. I had a best friend that came to me every day with her Bible and read me verses that healed me. 'For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans not to harm you, plans of hope and a future, plans to prosper you.' When my friend read that verse to me, it just supernaturally came in, and God said, 'Just relax, honey, get well, but I have a big plan for you if you’ll just hand it all over to me.' That’s when I said, 'I got to get out of the way. It’s not about me; it’s about you, Lord.'"

Vaughan returned to her home in Wilmington, North Carolina, to recover. Often, she went to her favorite spot to spend time alone with God.

"God heals us in every corner that we allow Him to heal us. Sometimes there’s like one little teeny, tiny place that we’re holding on to for some reason, and when I was sick, I opened up all those places and those spaces that I might have been holding back for God to heal me. When He did, it naturally gave me some self-esteem. But really, I realized it’s God-esteem. That’s what we need to have. It’s not about us; it’s not about me. It’s about God and what can we do for the kingdom and what can we do for each other?"

Vaughan’s newfound confidence prepared her for the next step.

"I wanted to use my gifts for God and write music that could possibly help others when they were sick or in the hospital. Around about the time that I started working on my faith-based record, I got a call one day from [executive producer] Shonda Rhimes. She said, 'I’ve heard one of your songs and I really, really like it. And I wondered if you would be interested in writing a song for a new show I have called Grey’s Anatomy.”

Vaughan wrote that song and the show went on to become a huge hit. Now you can hear her songs in more than 100 television shows and feature films. She’s also released several albums.

"There’s a reason that we can’t understand much deeper than the pain that we get in. Giving it to God and trusting Him, when He takes over our life like that, we’re lifted up above our circumstance. We’re lifted up above our pain. And Jesus can do that for anybody."

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