What Makes You Unique
"Write out your quick auto-biography. What are some things that you do that no one else does? Growing up, my family used to put pickles on our tacos. Who else does that? I didn’t know that was weird. We always had popcorn with pizza. Those are two absurd things that made me interesting – that told me I had something to say. There’s got to be something different about you that will make a unique conversation."
Don't Be Desperate
"You could be the greatest catch -- the most intriguing gal. But, if you’re overly eager, you totally take away the intrigue and the challenge. [Men] want to feel like they’ve won something."
It's Not About You
"You [can] miss out on so many things that he will say that you can relate to, because you’re too busy thinking of something witty to say. If you make the date about him and focus on what he says that you can respond to, then it makes you not so nervous."
Victorya Michaels Rogers: 'The Automatic 2nd Date'
By Jennifer E. Jones
When I got the opportunity to speak to relationship expert Victorya Michaels Rogers about her new book, The Automatic Second Date, I sent out an email to my single friends and asked about their No. 1 issue with dating. Across the board, nearly every woman said, "Second date? I can't even get a first date!"
If you’re reading this and saying, “That’s the story of my life,” then Rogers is here to rescue you. In her first book, she shared how to find a man worth keeping. Now the happy wife and mother of two is back with tips on getting that guy to make the first move (and the second).
“Everybody who is currently dateless or fed up with their dating success is in a great place. They’re about to change to get what they want,” Rogers says.
For women who live in small towns or simply can’t attract the right kind of guy, Rogers says that the answer is all in the mind.
“All they have to turn on inside their brains is what I termed the ‘Male GPS’ that every girl has,” she explains.
Rogers describes the “Male GPS” as a thought process that will have you noticing what’s on your mind. Following one of the secrets from Finding a Man Worth Keeping, women should have an idea of what they’re looking for, believe that he’s out there, and then open their eyes to the possibilities all around them.
“Available men [are] everywhere -- at the drive-through, at your work, at school. It may sound too good to be true, but it’s not. I truly found that I was able to find men everywhere when I started really thinking about what I wanted,” Rogers says.
Find someone who catches your eye? Rogers advises to catch theirs as well. Among many flirting tips, she writes: "Slowly scan the room with calm, soft eyes, resting your eyes briefly on any man who captures your attention, then casually glance for a bare ring finger. If the finger is bare, lock into a gaze for your three-second flirt... Add a slight smile or grin, and then casually look away."
The core of The Automatic 2nd Date is Rogers's specific instructions on what to do and what not to do on a first date. She says that many things – from how you sit, to who picks up the check – will either make him send you flowers or make him run for the hills.
“Do not pay for the first date," she insists. "Otherwise you’ve established that you are just buddies or that he doesn’t have to chase you.”
Rogers also nods to the classic Rules. “If he calls you at the last minute, do not accept the date. Say, ‘Oh gee, I’d love to, but I’ve just got something else going. How about a rain check?’ I don’t care if you’re home doing your laundry. He doesn’t need to know. You’re just not available at the last minute. By this, you’re establishing that you’re worth calling early and you’re worth paying money for a date (even if they’re only buying you coffee). They’re making an effort to spend money on you, because they want to spend quality time with you.”
Another trick of the trade is mirroring – the art of subtly mimicking your partner’s body language (i.e., if he’s sitting back, you sit back; if he has his hands on the table, place your hands on the table).
“It works in business, and it works on dates,” she confesses. “It’s showing that you’re trying to relate to that individual or you’re paying attention to them. The truth is that when two people really are connected, the mirroring automatically happens. You don’t know that you’re doing it.”
When it’s all said and done, Rogers believes that a successful first date will most likely secure a second. She concludes, “You can blow it by picking up the phone the next day and thanking him for the date. I don’t care if the guy flew you in a helicopter to the most romantic dinner setting you’ve ever seen. You are not to call him the next day. That is his job to call you the next day and say, ‘Wow, I really enjoyed being with you,’ because you graced him with the presence of yourself.”
Jennifer E. Jones is the Media Center / CBNmusic Producer who is a romantic comedy waiting to happen. Read her bio.
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