Don't Sit by the Phone: Get
By Laura J. Bagby
- It's Friday night…
You race home after a full day of work to check who called. Maybe it's that
godly (and gorgeous) guy you met at Bible study. Maybe your boyfriend who
dumped you finally realized the error of his ways and wants to get back together
with you. Your mind is a whirl of activity. Unfortunately, reality hits. Not
one heart-pounding phone call. The same goes for the mail: just bills. When
is Prince Charming ever going to show up? you wonder.
If this is you, I know where you are coming from. Been there. Done that.
I have spent years waiting by the phone, obsessing about my nonexistent love
life. Looking back, I realize that if Prince Charming had shown up in the
midst of my desperate cries of self-pity, he wouldn't have been impressed.
He probably would have run the other way. And he would have been right to
scream, "Get a life, lady!"
Maybe you can relate. Tell me, honestly, do you believe your life begins
only after you get married? The answer, of course, is no, yet we act like
it is true when the only goals we have are to find a man, to keep a man, and
to marry a man. And in the meantime, we have put the rest of our lives and
our current happiness on hold. Now that's pathetic!
Don't put off doing things and being the person God created you to be just
because you are still single. When are you going to start that book project?
Go back to school? Get in shape? Start a home Bible study? Venture out into
uncharted territories for the Lord? Why not now?! Why not as a single?!
There is no better time than the present to discover your talents, enjoy
new hobbies, and excel in your spiritual gifts. And when we get involved in
doing activities that we enjoy, guess what? We might discover a second career.
We might start a ministry. We might unearth a talent we never knew existed.
The point is we are not stagnating. We are growing, being challenged, and
learning to enjoy life, which, by the way, is what I believe all women should
be doing regardless of marital status. When we are actively involved in life,
under the direction of God, we are more confident, more at peace, and less
likely to worry and panic about our single status. We can even glorify our
Lord as we go about our activities in thankfulness and renewed purpose.
This is not to say that there won't be times when we have pangs of loneliness.
They will come. But God will show us where He fits into those times of heartache.
Several years ago when I was desperately seeking the Lord's will
for my life, God directed me to Isaiah 43. I felt so spiritual
as I thumbed through my Bible to read the amazing word God was
about to speak to me. And then verse 18 and 19 jumped out at me:
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing
a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way
in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Bam! I felt like I had been hit by a two-by-four. I reread that first line,
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past," and it dawned on me
that I was holding on to former things, most particularly my last dating relationship.
Although I thought I had moved on, I knew in my heart that I was dwelling
on the void I was feeling. For me, my dating relationship had represented
a promise of a future marriage and the security that went along with that.
It had represented being completely loved and cherished.
But I am already completely loved and cherished, and my future is secure
-- I have the Lord. I have the promise of a rich and eternal inheritance that
doesn't depend on a future marriage.
Now please understand me here: I am not saying that I think marriage
is wrong or less holy or even that I don't want it for my own
life. I am not one to believe that if you are single and over
30 you are in line for sainthood, anymore than I am one to believe
that only married women are worthy in God's sight. Singleness
and marriage are both valid and valuable states of life for us
and can be pleasing to the Lord when we let Him lead us and when
we choose not to complain about our current status.
What I am saying is that I don't want to waste any more time running after
relationships that are not of the Lord. Pursuing relationships that God has
not ordained will ultimately distract us away from God and what He wants to
do in our lives -- yes, as single women.
Did you know that you are valuable to God just as you are, whether you have
someone or not? Well, you are. He calls you and me His "workmanship." We are
literally handcrafted by God. And He has good works for you, which He prepared
in advanced for you to do.
Yes, God wants to do a new thing for you. Are you willing to let go of your
own preconceived notions? Are you ready to find out what new things God is
trying to do in your life? All you have to do is ask Him. Seek Him. He will
show you. And then He will give you the grace and wisdom to walk in it.
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