Honor—The Fuel that Runs
a Healthy Relationship!
By Dr. Greg Smalley
Smalley Relationship Center
Captain Johnny Ferrier, a pilot for the famed Blue Angles,
shreds across the blue sky. Onlookers at the national air show
notice smoke billowing from the back of his Navy jet. On the radio,
his superior pleads for Johnny to save his life. "Bail out,
Johnny, Bail out! You've still got time!" His superior shouts
through the receiver. But Johnny doesn't make his move. He knows
that if he bails, thousands of innocent bystanders will lose their
lives in the crash.
"Bail out!" his superior tries again. Nothing. The
stress of the G-force only allows Johnny to answer his superior
by blowing three puffs of smoke, just to let him know that he
was alright; that he was under control. The crowd watches in amazement
as Johnny courageously steers his plane to the only place not
occupied by people. A small meadow is where Johnny makes his final
statement to the world.
Captain Johnny Ferrier's statement was one of ultimate honor
for the people down below him. His courage to take his own life,
for the lives of others, might be hard for people to understand;
especially in light of Johnny's beautiful young wife and children
he left behind. However, the card his wife found tucked away in
his wallet the day of his death explains why he gave his own life.
It simply read, "God first, others second, and myself third".
This is the I'm Third principle Johnny learned as a child. It
means that you put others before yourself. This is the model we
must follow for our marriages.
We must learn to place high value upon our mate. We call this
concept, Honor. Johnny honored the people below, he placed immeasurable
value on their lives when he crashed into the vacant meadow. We
might never have to literally die for our mate, but we must practice
the example Johnny left us on a daily level.
What does honor look like in the daily life of a couple? For
starters, it means waking up in the morning and deciding that
our mate is the most valuable person on earth to us. It is deciding
that we will look after our mate's needs before we worry about
ours. Honoring our mate on a daily level is all about priority.
Imagine you are meeting the president of the United States. What
might be going through mind, how might you be acting? You would
probably be smiling, and maybe slightly shaking from the excitement
the President encompasses. Your mouth might even be open in awe
of meeting such an important person. This is what we need to have
for our mate. That feeling we are in the presence of greatness.
When was the last time we looked at our mate, mouths open in awe
of his or her presence?
So how do we honor our mate? The following are the four faces
- Meaningful Touch
- Pictures a Special Future
- Active Commitment
- Expressing High Value
These four elements are what make honor possible for a couple.
They are the driving force to healthier, more exciting marriages.
In fact, Dr. Scott Stanley, a well known marital researcher, said
that honor is what drives a couple to take the necessary steps
toward marital satisfaction. If we do not have honor, then we
can not have a satisfying marriage.
© Copyright 2005 Smalley
Relationship Center. Used by permission.
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