Keeping Alive Romance and Security
Smalley Relationship Center
Gary: In this day and age, security in
the marriage relationship almost seems to have gone the way of
the dodo. Roughly half of all marriages end in divorce, and the
statistics are about the same among Christians as they are in
society at large.
Yet feeling secure in the relationship is vital to true romance.
How can you give yourself fully and without reservation to your
spouse unless you're confident he or she will still be with you,
loving and supporting you, next week, next year, 10-years from
now, and so on until the day that death finally separates you?
Norma: One way I've tried to build security
in our marriage is that I've consciously and deliberately never
used the words hate or divorce or leave with Gary, even in our
most heated "discussions." I'll admit I thought the
words on a number of occasions in years gone by. But I've seen
the devastation done to individuals, men and women as well as
children, and families by separation and divorce, and I never
wanted any part of that.
Even more, when I vowed on our wedding day to love and remain
faithful to Gary, I was making that promise to God. I was making
it to Gary as well, but I was especially making it to God, and
I take that very seriously.
Gary: Another thing that has helped to build
security in our relationship is that we pray together about anything
in our family or ministry that looks challenging. There's a great
sense of peace and oneness that comes from going to God together
and placing a difficult matter in His hands.
We also know that when we're both seeking His will for a particular
concern, we're on the right track to finding a good answer, because
self-centeredness and ego have been taken out of play. We both
want what's best for each other, for our marriage, for our family,
or whatever the case may be.
Norma: It's nice to get flowers and to go out
for fancy dinners. Those kinds of things do develop the feelings
of romance that are so enjoyable, and I certainly like it when
they're a part of our relationship.
I've learned, however, that as nice as the feelings of romance
are, they're no substitute for the security of a rock-solid commitment.
Knowing that your love and your marriage will truly last "till
death do us part" is the greatest feeling of all!
During hard times, when I don't feel love toward Gary, I always
remember that feelings change so many times during the day because
situations change—but my decision to love him was a commitment
For more ideas about keeping your love alive, check out Dr. Gary
Smalley's book The
DNA of Relationships.
© Copyright 2005 Smalley
Relationship Center. Used by permission.
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