God's Got His Best For You!
An Interview with Michelle McKinney Hammond
By Laura Bagby
I was thrilled to finally meet Michelle at this year's National
Religious Broadcasters Convention in Nashville, having read several of her books,
including her latest, Sassy,
Single, and Satisfied, and wanting very much to get to know the insightful,
For those of you who don't know Michelle, she writes extensively on women's
issues and relationships, is co-host of the Emmy-nominated TV show Aspiring
Women, and founder and president of HeartWing Ministries. She also sings
and is the voice-over talent for many television commercials. She is the penultimate
Sitting down with Michelle was like sitting down with a close friend. Michelle
is extremely gracious and thoughtful and she has a great sense of humor. I
hope you enjoy as much as I did getting to know this gifted woman of God...
Part One: Get Happy, Girlfriend!
I am sure many others have asked you this, and you may be sick of answering
it, but I will ask it anyway because it is the most obvious question: Do you
want to get married?
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: I am actually kind of ambivalent because I have
a lot of really great male friends. I am kind of spoiled with not having that
whole male void thing. God has provided so much that it would take a really
special man for me to want to spend the rest of my life with him at this point.
I have met people that I have liked, but nobody that I thought I just couldn't
live without. My life has been so rich and so full. I think I really do treasure
my peace. I went through so much as a single in the wrong types of relationships,
the drama they brought and the angst that they brought, that when I finally
found that I could actually be happy and not have a man in my life -- Now,
don't get me wrong. Men are great. When you get the right man in your life,
it is awesome. I have a host of friends and good marriages to look at, so
I am not one of those who is jaded and thinks it cannot happen. I know it
can happen with the right partner and the right amount of work, but the bottom
line is it has to be God's choice for me because I am not willing to venture
out and experiment at this point.
You sort of covet that relationship you have with God. Not that God is
your husband in the flesh, but He can be a Provider.
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: He is pretty good. I finally broke down and got
the home. It was like the last frontier for me. In the end, I found out that
the place that I got someone else had bought. Their contract had fallen through,
but after they had put down 20 percent and had paid for tons of upgrades to
this place. Legally, I could not be charged for them, so they had to shave
all of that off of the price when I bought that place. That is such a God
thing. My sister said to me, 'You had better not ask God for a husband again
because no man can keep up with the way He takes care of you.' That is just
one story of many that have happened in my life almost on a daily basis. I
feel so spoiled by Him. It is really cool. It is kind of scary at the same
time because it is a very special love relationship that I have with Him and
I don't want anyone interrupting that.
For me, because my burden is so much for single women and married women who
are hurting in their relationships, and the burden is so great for me to be
able to reach them and tell them things that will help them and strengthen
them, I guard that fiercely. So anyone who comes into my life it is not just
a personal move for me, it is a career move. This person can affect my ministry
and what I am doing. Am I willing to sacrifice the needs of other women for
this one person? No, I am not, to be perfectly honest. Anyone who comes into
my life who endangers my ability to ministry effectively to women has to go.
That is a hard choice sometimes.
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: It is a hard choice, but I am very clear about
I call it choosing between God and a man. If you have been around long
enough and single long enough, you have those choices to make. What would
you say to the woman who is in that situation? She doesn't have anyone to
fall back on and she is older. Everybody around her is getting married.
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: Hold on! Which one is not going to fail you? It
is very simple. It really becomes what is most important to you. It is very
interesting how trapped women are in their mindsets about what makes someone
worthy of being a valuable person.
I have wrestled with that, too. I tell myself, 'Laura, you really need
to get married. You aren't really valid until you get married.' That
is a terrible waste of time and energy.
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: It is! When I was looking for my house, I spoke
to a realtor friend of mine. He said, 'What do you want?' I had a very specific
list of what I wanted: my budget, the neighborhood I wanted it in, what I
wanted to be close to, down to the square footage. I had it all lined up.
He said to me, 'You will never get that in the neighborhood where you are
looking. You are living a fantasy.' This place that I am buying is all those
things and more because God manipulated it to my benefit. But the thing that
resonated after I got that place was I had this specific list which I was
told was impossible to meet and yet God in His sovereignty provided that and
more. He filled my list and a few extras. Can't He do that with a man?
Whoever he is, he will be all right with you. Yes, God does surprise us and
allow us to get ourselves in situations that we never dreamed would make us
happy. If somebody said, 'Hey, did you know you would marry someone short
and bald?' Absolutely not. But then you meet this guy and he is kind of cute
to you and he grows on you and you are deliriously happy with this person.
You think, 'I never thought I would go for someone like you.'
There is a story of Jesus in the Scriptures where He spit and rubbed dirt
in this guy's eyes and said, 'Be opened!' Be open to what God wants to do
in your life because whatever it is, you are going to love it! He is not going
to wrench your heart out of your chest and manipulate you into liking someone
you do not like. It doesn't go that way. He knows what we desire, but He also
knows what we need. He puts them together in such a beautiful way that we
go 'Wow!' It is always above what we expect.
'You receive not because you ask not. 'Sometimes we don't ask enough.
I think a lot of Christian women are at that point. How do you speak into
their lives to help them to see that there is more out there?
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: It is also about having a knowledge of God's heart
for you. If you know that He wants you to have the best, and you begin to
believe that, and you begin to expect the best from Him, then He gives it
to you. There is one little Scripture that I find scary -- I should write
a book about scary Scriptures: 'Scary Scriptures, Dangerous Prayers.' There
is a Scripture that says the people were murmuring and groaning and complaining
when they were talking about going to the Promised Land, like, 'Oh, we can't
do it.' Moses goes to the mountain because God is mad at them, and God says,
'I heard what they were saying about Me, and I am going to give them exactly
what they said.' That is a scary Scripture! You take that and you hear the
average person say, 'God will never give me that,' and God says, 'Fine. I
will give it to someone who will believe Me for it.'
Ouch! Gets you in the heart.
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: What are you really believing? What are you really
expecting from God? Do you really believe that you deserve true love? Do you
really believe you deserve this wonderful man to come into your life, love
you the way you want to be loved and treasure you and be godly and be protective
and really be the covering that you always imagined your knight in shining
armor to be? Or do you think God is going to send you this ugly-looking person
who is godly but has nothing else to offer you and you are going to be stuck
with this boring Christian guy. What are your expectations? They have to change.
Just think what an insult to the heart of God it is when you expect less than
what He wants to give you.
How do you discover your purpose in life?
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: I don't think that you can come to any conclusions
about your purpose, because it isn't over until it is over. As long as you
are living, it is not over. I have an aunt who got married for the first time
at 67 years old. She had the most fabulous wedding and was able to pay for
it and is still living happily ever after, so how do you know? How can you
draw conclusions and say it is not going to happen? You can't because it could
happen at any time. What is before me to do today? I just busy myself with
that because tomorrow is going to come with its own dramas and another long
list of things to do. It is never over.
That's a good way to keep your balance -- not to look at your past and
think this is what happened, or look to the future and think this might not
happen, but to view today. So what is in the future for you? Do you have another
book in mind?
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: I just finished two books: 101
Ways to Get and Keep His Attention
and In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man. I am still pondering a novel
idea I have. I am working on a music project, and I am working on moving into
my new house.
All right! You are busy. Well, I appreciate your time today.
MICHELLE MCKINNEY HAMMOND: Thanks. It was a great conversation.