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gOD'S PRESENCE

Just Another Face in the Crowd

By Julie Ferwerda

CBN.com – I was just another face in the crowd to my fourteen year old daughter at her swim meet that day. My heart sunk into the sadness a mother feels when her child doesn’t need her anymore. Searching for her expectantly after each of her events, I waited for any crumb of acknowledgement to be thrown my way — a nod, a smile or even just eye contact — but I came away empty-handed. I’d heard the stories from other mothers of teens, but how I wished things could be different for us … how I wished she would invite me into her life.

Sitting on rock-hard bleachers all day gave me plenty of time to reflect about my unappreciated presence in her life. From the moment I had rocked her in my arms as a new born, I experienced protective love and devotion like I’d never imagined possible, but now I felt more like a distant acquaintance than a vital part of her heart. Who was I to her? What did my influence mean to her life? She was priceless to me and I would willingly do anything I could to make her feel loved and secure.

I thought back to the long worrisome nights of nursing her sickness; the energy it took to discipline her defiant nature; fixing countless hurts with ice packs and hugs; decorating her locker at school when she needed encouragement; cheering her on with notes and flowers when she celebrated victories and accomplishments; emailing her Bible verses when she was away from home; and fasting with tearful prayers for her to overcome temptation and to love God with all her heart. Even the simple things of meeting her daily needs for food, a safe and comfortable home, unconditional love, and security, now seemed to be taken for granted. The ways I had tried to keep her from suffering needlessly, to make her feel more secure and cherished, or to build up her faith, were far too many to count.

Had I done too much? I felt as if I could never do enough to show her my love, but now it wasn’t returned. And although I could easily quit putting out the effort with others in my life who rejected me or let me down, when it came to my cherished daughter, I just couldn’t stop trying. No matter how much she hurt or rejected me, I came back for more, because I couldn’t not. It was a beautiful, painful thing.

Oh Lord, she is breaking my heart. Why doesn’t my love mean more to her? I offer her so much that so many kids want and need, but she pushes it away. When will she ever love me back again?

Why doesn’t My love mean more to you?The voice whispered back into my thoughts.

What do you mean, Lord?

I’ve been just another face in the crowd most of your life, too. There have been many days that My heart has sunk into the sadness only a Creator can feel for His children when they think they don’t need Me anymore and push Me away.

How many times I’ve been there during events in your life, waiting for any crumb of acknowledgement to be thrown My way—a few minutes of your time, a nod in My direction for showing up to support you in the pursuits of your gifts and abilities—ones that I gave you—or even just a simple thank you for all the blessings and provisions I’ve given you each and every day. I’ve made many sacrifices to give you hope and a future. How many times I wished you would invite me into your life.

From the day you were born, I held you in My arms with a protective and perfect love like no one in your world imagined possible. I’ve always attended to your hurts and bandaged your wounds. In fact, I held you when you suffered physical pain because it hurt Me deeply to see you hurt. I encouraged you when you were down through the words of a friend, the embrace of your husband, or a decorated sky at sunset. I slept right up close to you with My hand resting on your feverish body all the nights you were sick, to soothe your fears and to bring you back to health. I sent love notes to you in My Word, dazzled you with gardens and hillsides of beautiful flowers, and lavished you with the gift of eternal life. My Son has fasted and prayed for you, that you wouldn’t give in to temptation, and that you would love Me with all your heart. I have met your daily needs for food, a safe and comfortable home, unconditional love, and security, all of which you have quite often taken for granted. The ways I have been there for you, and will continue to be there for you, are far too many to number.

I have already done enough to show you My love when I put my Son—my only Son—to death in your place. But that love has not been appreciated, and could never be fully returned. No matter how much you quit trying, or how much you disappoint Me or run away from Me, no matter how much you hurt or reject Me, I will accept you without shrinking back, because I AM LOVE and you are priceless to me. I will always love you. I’ve been sitting in the bleachers, in between working out all the details of your life, waiting for you to invite Me into your life. Yes, My love for you is a beautiful, painful thing.

Dropping my head in sorrow, the words—and tears—spilled out. Please forgive me, Lord. Your love has been ignored and unappreciated in my life, and I have hurt You so deeply. I’m sorry. I need You more than I ever realized. Please come into my life and sit beside me on these lonely bleachers, as I wait for my child to realize she loves and needs me too. And thank you, my Lord, for showing me how I’ve treated You.

I knew more than ever how much I appreciated His patient love for me, and how much He had been there for me when I wasn’t even aware of it. And that day … as God sat next to me and put His arm around me like He always had; He wasn’t just another face in the crowd.

Julie is the author of The Perfect Fit: Waiting for God’s Best after Failed Relationships and has written articles for other publications such as Marriage Partnership, Brio & Beyond, HomeLife, Discipleship Journal, and Revolve III Biblezine Project for teen girls (Thomas Nelson, July 2006). To order the book or to find out more go to: www.JulieFerwerda.com.

A caring friend will be there to pray with you in your time of need.