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Book

Teen Virtue 2: A Teen Girl's Guide to Relationships

(Broadman & Holman)

 
Related Links

www.VirtuousReality.com

www.VickiCourtney.com

More articles for teens on CBN.com

 
10 Never Evers

Never ever go into a guy's bedroom when his parents aren't home.

Never ever expect that you can make a decision about how far is too far in the heat of the moment.

Never ever entrust your heart to a guy who doesn't care about God.

Never ever go on a date with a guy who is drinking or doing drugs.

Never ever entangle yourself with a guy who has a hot temper.

Never ever think that you can understand everything a guy is thinking.

Never ever expect a guy friend to act like a girlfriend.

Never ever let a guy you don't know drive you in his car alone.

Never ever fool yourself into thinking you can give your body to a guy with the intention of gaining his love.

Never ever give your body (or even pieces of your body) to a guy outside of marriage.

 
SELF-WORTH

The Girl in the Pink Bikini

By Vicki Courtney

CBN.com During my junior year of college, I lived in a condominium complex that was filled entirely with college students. It was only a year old and considered the “in place” to live. It had gated security, underground parking, and even a glass elevator!

Best of all, it had a pool and hot tub right smack in the middle of the complex, and every unit looked out onto the pool and courtyard. Once class was over (noon, for me—are you jealous?), if the sun was shining, you could pretty much bet that my roommate and I, not to mention just about every other girl who lived in the complex, would be by the pool (uh, studying, of course). Since the pool was located right in the middle of the complex and next to the elevator, we were used to catcalls from the guys passing by. Some would even call down from their balconies to get our attention. It was like a pool party every day.

One day, some guys (very cute ones, I might add) in the corner unit downstairs started talking to some girls by the pool and asked one of them to deliver a message to “the girl in the pink bikini,” which happened to be me. The girl said they wanted to invite my roommate and me to a party they were having that night. We talked it over, yelled over a “maybe,” and went back to more important matters—like working on our tans.

Later that night, we decided to stop by their party and check it out before heading out to meet friends. We knocked on the door, and a guy answered and yelled back to his friends, “She’s here! The girl in the pink bikini!” My roommate mumbled an “Oh, brother” under her breath. The guy who had answered the door literally did a body scan from head to toe and said, “You are our favorite girl to look at by the pool. The guys are going to be happy you’re here.” At the time I remember feeling somewhat uncomfortable by his remark, but at the same time I was also flattered.

My roommate and I stayed at the party for a little while and then headed out to meet other friends. But from that day forward, hidden in my heart was the fact that I had been singled out by a bunch of guys for having a “hot body.” It made me feel so good that it became my incentive to stay in shape in the years to come. If I gained weight, I tortured myself by replaying that scene by the pool in my mind over and over again. It became my driving force to lose weight. My erratic pattern of yo-yo dieting and compulsive exercising eventually led to an eating disorder and low self-esteem.

Now, as I look back on the situation some twenty years later, I am appalled that I didn’t understand what was really going on that day by the pool. Why didn’t I recognize the shallowness of a bunch of guys liking a girl just for her body and nothing more? Do you think they cared if I was smart, or kind, or had a great personality? No way! To them I was nothing more than an object for their viewing pleasure. I was not a person worth getting to know. In fact, can you believe that not one of those guys even asked me my name at the party? It didn’t even matter that I had a name. To them, I was “the girl in the pink bikini.” That’s all. How could I have ever been flattered? What a bunch of losers!

Some people might argue that it’s just “a guy thing.” Sure, guys are wired physically and will be drawn to things that are appealing to the eye, but that does not excuse behaviors that imply that women are nothing more than objects. On the same note, it is not wrong for girls to want to be attractive to guys. Where it gets out of balance is when girls base their worth on what they look like or what guys think of them. Girls who do will set themselves up for disaster in the years to come. What do you think happens when the aging process kicks in a couple of decades later? Eyebrows might raise if they show up at the pool in a pink bikini, but it won’t be because of their post-childbearing six-pack abs!

I am so grateful to finally know where true worth is found. Today I don’t need to be noticed by others to feel good about myself. Psalm 139:17–18 reminds me that God’s thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand on the shore. With that knowledge my heart is at peace. I am loved by the one who matters most. I don’t need a pink bikini to catch his eye. He loves me the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow—even twenty years more from now when I’m playing Marco Polo in the pool with my grandchildren. I’ll probably be wearing one of those skirted one-pieces that I swore I’d never buy. Regardless, one thing is for certain: I’ll be precious in his sight.

Visit www.VirtuousReality.com

Visit www.VickiCourtney.com


About the author: As a past agnostic and feminist, Vicki bought into the world's formula for liberation only to emerge empty and confused in her college years. During her junior year at the University of Texas in Austin, a friend invited her to a Christian conference for college students. It was there that she discovered that true liberation could only be found in Jesus Christ. She later founded Virtuous Reality Ministries® which reaches over 150,000 girls and mothers a year. She is the creator of VirtuousReality.com, an online magazine for teen girls, and college-aged and adult women. Vicki resides in Austin , Texas with her husband, Keith and three children, Ryan, Paige and Hayden.

Excerpted from Teen Virtue 2: A Teen Girl's Guide to Relationships by Vicki Courtney, copyright © 2006. Published by Broadman & Holman Publishers. Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.

 

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