Why Should I Wait?
Some people do find relationships early in life that will
last a lifetime, while others may date for some time before they
realize that they weren’t made for each other. Either way,
the pressure to “lose yourself” in the relationship
or “express your feelings” in more intimate, physical
contact increases the longer you stay together. How do you maintain
your purity in a long-term relationship?
Here are some things to remember:
1. Resist the temptation to be together all the time.
Don’t dump your friends or forget that there are other things
in life. Give the other person room to be away from you and develop
their own interests, as well as taking time yourself to do the
2. Continue to develop yourself, your own interests,
and your future. Being in a steady relationship can do
some great things for a person’s self-esteem, but there
is also the temptation to define yourself in respect to your relationship
more than being a person on your own as well. Continue to grow
as an individual.
3. Have real conversations. The greatest thing
that you can learn from a longer relationship is how to truly
communicate. More than anything else, be excited to get together
and talk about anything and everything.
4. Avoid being in situations that will lead to sexual
temptation. It is easier to avoid situations where you
will be tempted than it is to stop something that is starting
to go too far. Spend time in groups. Limit your time alone and
spend it in places where temptation will not be encouraged. Homes
where the parents are gone are a bad scene.
Why Wait to Have Sex?
Most of us have heard over and over all the physical risks of
having sex before marriage—Aids, STDs, pregnancy, etc. We
have also heard many of the spiritual ones—the Bible tells
us not to, guilt, it is a sin, etc. But having sex before marriage
can also affect you psychologically the rest of your life as well.
(Scary!) One of the main developmental points of being
an adolescent is learning how to relate properly with others.
Being sexually active too early in your life ca not only mess
your life up in the short run, but more significantly, in the
long run as well.
Sexual activity can literally short-circuit your relationships.
Too often sex can be mistaken for intimacy. Believe it or not,
this is a big problem for married adults as well as for teenagers.
When people don’t learn how to be intimate with one another
– meaning that they can bare their souls and hearts t one
another without fear – then they never really learn to be
honest with themselves. Healthy, close relationships allow us
a mirror in which to see ourselves. When improper sexual connection
clouds this mirror, it has taken over the relationship between
the two people as well as their understanding of who they are
as individuals. As a result, this ability to relate to others
never matures and all of our relationships are affected.
Some people resort to sex in order to avoid dealing with loneliness,
low self-esteem, insecurity, fear, and other problems that will
only get bigger and worse as life goes on if not death with earlier
in our lives. This is why God has told us to wait until we are
married. It is to make sure that we are “grown up”
enough to enjoy it as He has designed it so that it can be a pleasure
rather than a crutch.
Thus, if you really love the other person, you will give them
the time to develop and grow up rather than short-circuit them
to meet your own desires. This is also why they say, “True
I am convinced that the human heart hungers for
constancy. In forfeiting the sanctity of sex by casual, nondiscriminatory
“making out” and “sleeping around,”
we forfeit something that we cannot well do without. There is
dullness, monotony, and sheer boredom in all of life when virginity
and purity are no longer protected and prized. –
Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to
fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually
still. – Robert Sternberg
Something God Has Promised You
Love is patient. 1 Corinthians 13:4
What If You Didn’t Wait?
You may already have had intimate relations with your steady
and you are wondering what to do. It is often harder to go backwards
to a friendship once you have stepped over the boundaries into
sex. If your steady isn’t willing to move back to friendship,
you may have to break things off.
No matter what, you can receive forgiveness from God because
of what Jesus did for you on the Cross. His death covers all sins,
including the sin of sex outside of marriage. But when you come
to Jesus, it means you are changing directions. That means you
need to stop having sex and begin living a new way. This may seem
very hard. The Bible actually says it is impossible in your own
human strength. However, before you get discouraged, you need
to know that God will make it possible with His strength if you
ask Him. The Christian life is meant to be lived out of God’s
strength and not your own.
Remember this: God loves you, and whom He declares clean is whiter
than snow. When you are forgiven, God declares you clean. Don’t
let feelings of shame fool you into thinking that it is too late
for you to live right and to marry happily.
Want More Reasons Why You Should Wait?
Check out these resources.
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris
(Multnomah Publishers, Inc. 2000)
Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under
Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliott (Fleming H. Revell,
peace with God.
Want more articles for teens? Visit CBN.com
Excerpted from The
Pocket Guide for Teens: The Unauthorized Guide to Life from A
to Z, (c) 2004 by Honor Books. Used with permission from
Cook Communications Ministries. May not be further reproduced.
To order, www.cookministries.com.
All rights reserved.
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