Dr. Linda Helps - More than 20 years have passed since the American Psychological Association changed its view on homosexuality. Christians still believe the lifestyle is spiritually and morally wrong.

Consequently, Christian parents have a difficult time handling the news that a child is gay or lesbian. Many are devastated by the revelation.

Christian parents often fear they’ll be ostracized by their peers or seen as parent failures. Many don’t know how to approach their children and cut off their relationships. But gay sons and lesbian daughters still need parental love even when they don’t have approval for the lifestyles.

I talked to a dad not too long ago who said he couldn’t talk or even look at his gay son. Consequently he’d been avoiding him for over six months. He kept thinking about his son with another man and couldn’t stomach the thought. He asked, “Why should I talk to him? He’s living a life the Bible says is an abomination.”

My answer was simple, “He’s your son. He’s a person and he still needs a dad.”

I asked him these four questions:

1) Did you love your son prior to knowing his sexual identity?

His answer was, “Yes, of course.” Then remember that he is still a part of you no matter what his self-proclaimed sexuality is. You don’t have to accept his gay lifestyle but you must love him unconditionally. That’s the model of Christ. God doesn’t always find us acceptable. We sin, disappoint Him, but He loves us just because we are His children.

2) Does his sexuality define your relationship?

Surely there is more between you and your son than his sexual identity. Focus on those aspects of the relationship. Stay connected and committed to wanting the best for him. Many gays struggle with feelings of inadequacy. You don’t want to add to those feelings by rejecting your own child who is desperate for your love.

3) As difficult as it is to do, try to get to know him.

Ask him when his gay feelings began, how they developed and when he first acted upon them and came to the conclusion that he was gay. Get to know your son. It will help you know how to specifically pray for him.

4) What would Jesus do?

It’s a cliché now because of all the times we’ve seen and heard it. But it is still a good question. Jesus loves the gay person as much as the straight person. He came to earth to heal the broken-hearted not avoid them. Your child is in a difficult place. Ask God for the wisdom to deal with him. Your acceptance of him may be key. Rather than alienating your son, be a part of his healing.

Dr. Mintle – author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over twenty years in psychotherapy practice.

For more articles and information, visit Dr. Linda Mintle's Web site.