A Crush On You
By Jennifer E. Jones
I have a crush on someone. I’m sure the grown-up way of saying it is: “I’m interested in this guy” or “I have feeling for a certain gentlemen.” Nope, I have a crush on a boy.
It sounds juvenile because it feels that way. A crush has an inexplicable way of taking me back to my most primitive social behavior. Suddenly I’m in junior high again.
I can’t speak. I stare at the floor. I’m constantly fidgeting.
This guy probably thinks that I hate him because I can’t muster more than three words in his presence. My usually friendly disposition shrinks away to something hopelessly awkward and ill at ease.
The prospect of a new romance can render us pretty useless sometimes, can’t it? We’re overcome with daydreams, and we smile compulsively. Yet at the same time, it can allow some ugliness to surface.
I prayed about my crush situation the other day. It was not the typical, “Oh please God, let him like me.” That kind of prayer is reserved for the moments when I’m nervously shaking his hand while reminding myself to breathe.
My prayer was more like: “God, a crush is supposed to feel good. Why am I so miserable?”
His answer: “Because what you’re really feeling is two parts excitement and three parts insecurity.”
"Insecurity?" I said to myself, “I am totally confident. I am a pillar of confidence. I have confidence oozing out of my ears.”
At least that’s what I thought. The deeper I dug inside myself, the image of me as an adolescent was more accurate.
I was very much like any other kid at 13-years-old. I was self-conscious, shy and couldn’t take a compliment to save my life. And forget about boys. I remember once having a crush on a boy at church and literally running out of the sanctuary when he started walking towards me.
Apparently, not much has changed. I was insecure then, just as much as I am now.
What gets me with insecurity is that it is rooted in the belief that says, “I’m not good enough.” It is the complete opposite of how God sees us. We are His beautiful creation that He formed before the foundation of the world (Eph. 1:4). We are His beautiful bride, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and we can’t even walk down the street without subconsciously hanging our head.
God forbid we might look someone in the eye, and they see who we really are. They might want to get to know us and eventually learn that we’re not that fast or that smart or that pretty without makeup. We spend painstaking amounts of time and money to cover up our flaws. The idea that someone could actually know us is terrifying.
But the Father already knows us. Jeremiah 1:5 says that God knew us before we were even a thought in our mother’s mind. Not to mention that, while it’s man’s job to emphasize the outward appearance, God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
Not only does He know you, the Father has a crush on you. He cannot stop thinking of you. What’s more is His crush goes beyond empty infatuation to a real deep longing. It’s a love that’s wild, passionate, and a little embarrassing.
So when I think about how God Almighty handpicked me from the crowd and called me His own, that’s enough to make me hold my head high. I can look anyone in the eye and know that no matter what they think of me, I am
already loved beyond my grandest imagination. I pray that kind of holy confidence rests in you today.
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