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Danny Wallace: Freedom from an Abusive Past

He suffered unthinkable abuse at the hands of his own father. It led to a double life and a shameful secret. Read Transcript


Reporter: DANNY WALLACE

GREW UP WANTING HIS FATHER'S

LOVE AND ATTENTION.

AT THE AGE OF FIVE, HE GOT

THE ATTENTION WHEN HE FATHER

RAPED HIM IN HIS WOODSHOP.

HE HAD FINISHED WITH ME

SEXUALLY, AND THEN GOT DOWN

FACE TO FACE WITH ME, WHERE

I COULD, FOR ONCE IN MY

LIFE, SMELL THAT ALCOHOLIC

BREATH.

AS HE EYEBALL TO EYEBALL

TOLD ME, IF YOU EVER SPEAK

OF THIS, I'LL TAKE YOUR

LIFE.

I'LL BURY YOU SOMEWHERE ON

THIS PROPERTY, AND THEY

WON'T FIND YOU FOR YEARS.

Reporter: PHYSICAL AND

SEXUAL ABUSE CONTINUED THE

NEXT FEW YEARS, DRIVING

DANNY DEEP INTO PERSONAL AND

SEXUAL CONFUSION.

IT DESTROYED MY VISION OF

WHO I WAS INSTANTLY.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS.

I WOULD BE WHATEVER IT TOOK

TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH

WHAT MY FATHER'S ACTIONS HAD

SAID TO ME THAT I WAS, AND

THAT WAS NOTHING, THAT I WAS

NOTHING.

Reporter: FOR YEARS,

DANNY TRIED TO EARN HIS

FATHER'S LOVE, BUT WHEN HE

WAS 10, HIS FATHER LURED HIM

INTO AN OLD BARN WHERE A

GROUP OF MEN PAID HIS FATHER

FOR SEX WITH DANNY.

FROM FIVE UNTIL 10, YOU

KNOW, I WENT TO BED EVERY

NIGHT THINKING, IF I CAN GET

IT RIGHT, MY DAD WILL LOVE

ME.

BUT ONE OF THOSE MEN IN THAT

CIRCLE THAT AFTERNOON SAID

TO MY DAD, WHAT ARE WE GOING

TO DO WITH HIM IF WE KILL

HIM?

AND MY DAD SAID, WE'RE GOING

TO GET RID OF HIM.

I REMEMBER IT AS CLEAR AS IF

IT WERE YESTERDAY.

I STOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF

THAT BARN, AND I SAID TO

MYSELF, THAT OLD MAN IS

NEVER GOING TO LOVE ME.

THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.

THERE IS NOTHING I CAN SAY.

HE WILL NEVER LOVE ME.

Reporter: WHEN HE WAS

11, DANNY WENT TO A CHURCH

SERVICE WITH HIS AUNT AND

UNCLE.

HE HEARD A MESSAGE ABOUT A

FATHER IN HEAVEN THAT LOVES

HIM.

AND I REMEMBER THAT MAN

KNEELING BESIDE ME AND

PUTTING HIS ARMS AROUND ME

AND HE SAID, WOULD YOU LIKE

TO KNOW THIS FATHER.

AND I REMEMBER THINKING, IF

THERE IS SUCH A FATHER, IF

THERE IS A FATHER WHO LOVES

ME, WHO CAN SEE WHAT I AM,

AND JE YET HE WILL ACCEPT

ME AND LOVE ME, THEN, OH,

YEAH, I WANT TO KNOW HIM.

IN THAT LITTLE COUNTRY

ALTER, I REMEMBER THE VOICE

OF GOD WHISPERING TO ME,

DANNY, YOU HAVE FOUND THE

FATHER WHO WILL NEVER LEAVE

YOU OR FORSAKE YOU.

THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN, LOWEST

VALLEY, I WILL BE THERE.

Reporter: DANNY GAVE

HIS LIFE TO GOD.

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A

LONG TIME FELT LOVE AND

HOPE.

STILL, SEXUAL ABUSE

CONTINUED UNTIL HE WAS 17.

WHEN HE MARRIED HIS

GIRLFRIEND LYNN, HE TOOK HIS

SECRETS WITH HIM, INCLUDING

HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES.

I KNEW I LOVED HER WITH

ALL OF MY HEART, BUT I ALSO

KNEW I CAN NEVER LET HER SEE

ME WITHOUT MY DANNY WALLACE

MASK ON.

SHE CANNOT KNOW WHO I AM.

SHE CAN'T KNOW WHAT I'VE

BEEN THROUGH.

IF YOU SEE HOW BROKEN I AM.

IF YOU SEE THAT MY FATHER

HATES ME, YOU WON'T LOVE ME,

EITHER.

AND SO I HAD THIS SECRET.

THAT SECRET JUST CARRIED ON

ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY TEEN

YEARS.

AND EVEN INTO MY YOUNG

ADULTHOOD.

Reporter: FOR YEARS,

DANNY LIVED A DOUBLE LIFE.

HE WAS A DEVOTED HUSBAND AND

FATHER AND ACTIVE IN HIS

CHURCH, BUT SECRETLY HE HAD

SEVERAL HOMOSEXUAL

RELATIONSHIPS.

HIS PASTOR KNEW SOMETHING

WAS NOT RIGHT AND LOVINGLY

CONFRONTED DANNY.

HE DISCERNED BY ISSUE.

HE CAME TO MY HOME AND

PRETTY MUCH SAT ME DOWN, AND

WITH ALL OF THE LOVE THAT A

FATHER WOULD SAY TO YOU, HE

SAID, THIS IS WHAT I SEE AND

THIS IS WHAT I THINK IS

HAPPENING.

WE WANT TO PAY FOR

COUNSELLING.

WE WANT TO GET YOU ALL OF

THE HELP THAT YOU NEED.

WE DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT

TAKES.

WE DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU.

AND I REMEMBER THAT PASTOR

LOOKING ME IN THE EYE, AND

HE SAID, I WILL NOT LET YOU

GO.

I JUST WILL NOT LET YOU GO.

WHATEVER IT TAKES, WHATEVER

YOU CHOOSE, YOU JUST KNOW

THAT I LOVE YOU AND THAT

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.

AND I MADE THE DECISION THAT

DAY THAT IF THERE IS FREEDOM

TO BE FOUND FROM THIS DRUM

HOLE, I WANT IT.

I WANT TO BE FREE.

I JUST KNEW THAT I LOVED

HIM AND I KNEW I WANTED HIM

FREE OF WHATEVER THAT WAS

TEARING HIM APART.

BECAUSE HE LOVED US.

AND I KNEW HE LOVED ME.

Reporter: WITH THE

SUPPORT OF HIS FAMILY, HE

WORKED WITH A CHRISTIAN

COUNSELLOR AT UNCOVERING THE

ROOT OF HIS ISSUES.

WHEN A STRONGHOLD HAS

COME INTO YOUR LIFE, THERE

IS A DOOR, AND A SPECIFIC

DOOR, THAT IS OPEN.

I OFTEN TELL PEOPLE, IF YOU

CAN IDENTIFY THAT DOOR, THE

DOOR THAT LED YOU INTO THAT

STRONGHOLD, IT WILL BE THE

DOOR THAT LEADS YOU BACK

OUT.

AND HE TOOK ME TO THAT PLACE

OF FREEDOM, ACTUAL

TRANSPARENCY.

FREEDOM COMES FROM STEPPING

TO A PLACE WHERE THE EN

ENEMY CAN NO LONGER FOLLOW

YOU.

THE ENEMY IS DARKNESS.

WHAT HE REALLY HOPES WILL

NOT HAPPEN IS THAT YOU WILL

FIND THE COURAGE TO STEP

FROM THE SHADOWS INTO THE

LIGHT OF THE TRUTH OF JESUS

CHRIST.

BECAUSE IF YOU STEP THERE,

YOU WILL NOW WALK TO A PLACE

WHERE I CAN NO LONGER FOLLOW

YOU.

Reporter: ONE OF THE

FINAL STEPS HE TOOK TOWARDS

FREEDOM WAS TO FORGIVE HIS

DAD BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY.

I SAID, I WILL NOT DRAG

THIS BALL AND CHAIN ANY

FARTHER.

I WILL NOT GO TO BED HATING

YOU ANYMORE.

I WILL NOT GET UP WITH THE

MEMORIES OF THE PAST

DEFINING MY DAY.

I'M GOING TO LAY THIS DOWN

HERE.

WHAT FORGIVENESS HAD DONE

FOR ME WAS LIFT ME OUT OF

THE PAIN OF THOSE OLD WATERS

AND PLACED ME ON A DRY

BRIDGE OF LOVE AND

FORGIVENESS FOR MY DAD.

Reporter: TODAY DANNY

IS EAGER TO SHARE HIS STORY

ABOUT GOD'S LOVE AND

FORGIVENESS.

HE WANTS OTHERS TO FIND THE

SAME FREEDOM HE HAS

EXPERIENCED WITH HIS

HEAVENLY FATHER.

HOW DESPERATELY WOULD YOU

LIKE TO BE FREE?

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE

FREE, FREEDOM CAN ONLY COME

FROM STEPPING INTO ABSOLUTE

TRANSPARENCY WITH JESUS

CHRIST.

BUT MY LORD, MY FATHER, THE

ONE WHO SPOKE TO ME AT 11

YEARS OLD AND SAID I WILL

NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE

YOU, HE IS CAREFUL TO TELL

US, IN THE DEPTH OF OUR

DISPAIR, I'LL TAKE YOU AS

YOU ARE.

I DIDN'T COME TO CONDEMN YOU.

I CAME TO SET YOU FREE.

EMBED THIS VIDEO


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