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Amy Woods: Hiding Her Bulimia

She was married with children and seemed to have the perfect life. Behind the mask, her eating disorder tore her apart. Read Transcript


THERE WERE TIMES WHEN AT NIGHT

IN MY BEDROOM I WOULD DO LIKE

WORKOUT ROUTINES.

I KNOW THAT I WAS VERY AWARE OF

WANTING TO MAKE SURE I LOOKED

LIKE ALL OF THE OTHER GIRLS IN

HIGH SCHOOL, CHEERLEADING.

AMY WOODS' STRUGGLED WITH HER

BODY IMAGE CARRIED OVER INTO HER

MARRIAGE.

SIX MONTHS INTO OUR MARRIAGE

I OFFICIALLY STARTED MAKING

MYSELF THROW UP.

AND I WAS JUST VERY DETERMINED

TO APPEAR ALWAYS THAT I WAS THE

PERFECT WIFE.

THE PRESSURE AMY PUT ON

HERSELF TO MAINTAIN THAT IMAGE

WAS TOO MUCH.

SHE DESPERATELY GRASPED FOR

CONTROL IN HER OWN LIFE AND

WEIGHT.

I WOULD EAT SUPER SMALL

AMOUNTS.

AND THEN I WENT FROM EATING

THOSE SAME THINGS AND NOT --

JUST PUTTING IT IN THE TRASH.

THEN I REMEMBER LOVING TO EAT.

I WOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE TO EAT AND

JUST KNOW IN THE BACK OF MY MIND

IT WAS JUST ALWAYS AN OPTION TO

JUST GO MAKE MYSELF THROW UP.

AND IN THE BEGINNING IT WAS NOT

VERY OFTEN, AND THEN IT WOULD GO

TO EVERY DAY AND THEN IT WOULD

GO TO SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.

BRIAN WAS A MEDICAL RESIDENT

AND WORKED LONG HOURS AT THE

HOSPITAL.

AMY HAD NO PROBLEMS HIDING HER

BOO LEEM ME A FRILLNESS FROM HIM.

I GOT REALLY GOOD AT LYING

AND EXPLAINING AWAY MY WEIGHT

LOSS.

MY FACE WAS WAY SUNKEN IN AND I

WAS WAY SMALLER THAN PEOPLE MY

HEIGHT SHOULD BE AND PEOPLE

NOTICED.

THE BATTLE CONTINUED THROUGH

THREE PREGNANCIES AND 11 YEARS

OF MARRIAGE.

IT'S LIKE A DRUG WITH PEOPLE

THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT,

BUT THEY CAN'T HELP IT.

AND I WAS ADDICTED TO BEING

SMALL.

I WAS ADDICTED TO BEING IN

CONTROL.

IN 2005, AMY WAS OUT ON THE

FRONT PORCH WATCHING HER KIDS

PLAY.

I JUST PRAYED FOR THE FIRST

TIME, AND I SAID, GOD, I DON'T

KNOW WHAT IT IS I'M MISSING.

I DON'T GET IT.

GOD TOOK ME ON A LITTLE JOURNEY,

I GUESS.

AND IT WAS SORT OF LIKE A MOVIE

CLIP, WHERE HE TOOK ME BACK

THROUGH SOME TIMES WHEN I HEARD

THINGS FROM FAMILY MEMBERS OR

FROM SOCIETY.

WHEN YOU'RE FAT, YOU'RE NOT

LOVABLE.

HE TOOK ME BACK THROUGH

RELATIONSHIPS THAT I HAD IN HIGH

SCHOOL WITH A BOYFRIEND THAT

WOULD SAY THAT REALLY MY VALUE

CAME FROM BEING PRETTY OR SMALL,

AND I BELIEVED IT.

THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I WAS TWO

POUNDS FROM BEING WHAT THEY CALL

OBESE.

AND I WASN'T.

BUT I BELIEVED IT.

AT THE END OF EACH ONE, HE KEPT

TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME

AND HOW THAT WAS NOT WHO I WAS.

AT THE VERY END, I WAS ON A

BOAT, AND MY KIDS WERE ON THE

BOAT WITH ME, AND THE BOAT WAS

SINKING.

AND HE SAID YOU'RE TAKING YOUR

CHILDREN THERE TOO.

AND IN THAT MOMENT, I KNEW THAT

I COULD NO LONGER LIVE LIKE

THAT.

AND IT WAS NOT GOING TO BE MY

OWN STRENGTH AND MY OWN POWER

THAT WOULD MAKE IT DIFFERENT, BE

DIFFERENT.

IT WAS GOING TO BE HIM.

FOR THE FIRST TIME, I KNEW THAT

I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET UP

FROM THAT PORCH AND WALK AWAY

FROM THE ACTUAL BEHAVIOR OF

MAKING MYSELF THROW UP.

I WAS TRANSFORMED IN THAT

MOMENT.

I SAW THE TRACE FOR THE FIRST

TIME.

SHE FINALLY TOLD BRIAN

EVERYTHING.

HE REACTED WITH JUST LOVE,

SUPPORT, JUST NO JUDGMENT FROM

HIM WHATSOEVER.

HE WAS SAD.

HE WAS SAD THAT I HAD BELIEVED

THOSE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.

IN REALITY, MY HUSBAND ALWAYS

FOUND ME ATTRACTIVE.

IT WAS MY MIND.

IT WAS THE LIES THAT I WAS

BELIEVING ABOUT MYSELF THAT MADE

ME GO THERE.

SO I WANT MY KIDS TO KNOW WHERE

I'VE BEEN, HOW THE LORD SAVED

ME, AND IT WASN'T ON MY OWN.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT

BETTER, THAT THE LORD DID THAT.

AND THAT THERE'S NOTHING TOO

BIG, THERE'S NO PLACE TOO FAR

THAT YOU'VE GONE THAT GOD WON'T

BE THERE.

I WANT THEM TO KNOW THE PLACES

THAT I'VE BEEN AND THE TRUE JOY,

THE TRUE FREEDOM YOU GET FROM

GOD, FROM CHRIST ALONE.

EMBED THIS VIDEO


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