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Matt and Sarah Hammit: A Rock Solid Marriage

Matt's career as a touring musician put a terrible strain on his marriage to Sarah. Find out how they made it work. Read Transcript


MARRIAGE STARTED OUT AS AN

ADVENTURE FOR SANCTUS REAL'S

MATT HAMMIT AND HIS WAVE SARAH.

THE FIRST FOUR YEARS THAT WE

WERE FULL-TIME ON THE ROAD AS A

BAND, SARAH WAS WITH ME.

WE HAD A LOT OF GREAT TIMES.

I WOULD SAY OUR RELATIONSHIP

GREW IMMENSELY.

BUT RESOLVING CONFLICT ON THE

ROAD WAS REALLY DIFFICULT.

WE REALLY DIDN'T HAVE MUCH

PRIVACY, AND IT REALLY I THINK

CAUSED US TO NOT HAVE HEALTHY

COMMUNICATION AND BECAUSE OF

THAT I THINK WE WOULD KIND OF

BOTTLE UP A LOT OF OUR FEELINGS,

A LOT OF OUR FRUSTRATIONS THAT

WE WOULD HAVE.

IT CAN KIND OF CAUSE A

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE TYPE OF

COMMUNICATION.

LIFE CHANGED DRAMATICALLY FOR

THE HAMMITS WHEN SARAH GOT

PREGNANT.

I REMEMBER BEING IN THE BACK

OF A CHEVY VAN, IN THE WAY BACK,

WHERE THERE'S NO SEATS, SLEEPING

ON A SLEEPING BAG SIX MONTHS

PREGNANT AND BOUNCING AROUND AND

JUST THINKING TO MYSELF, I CAN'T

DO THIS ANYMORE.

SO THAT'S WHEN I THREW IN THE

TOWEL AND I STAYED HOME FROM

THAT POINT FORWARD.

IT WAS HARD TO CHANGE OUR

LIFE LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.

IT'S HARD FOR ME NOT TO HAVE HER

ON THE ROAD ANYMORE, AND IT WAS

HARD FOR HER NOT TO BE OUT

SEEING NEW THINGS AND MEETING

NEW PEOPLE.

IT WAS ALSO DIFFICULT FOR

BOTH OF THEM TO ADJUST WHEN MATT

CAME HOME.

THE HARD PART ABOUT TRAVELING

ALL THE TIME TOO IS THAT WHEN

YOU COME HOME, YOU LITERALLY

JUST WANT IT TO BE PERFECT,

BECAUSE YOU DREAM OF GETTING

BACK IN YOUR HOUSE, SEEING YOUR

FAMILY, SO YOU ALWAYS WANT TO

MAKE THE MOST OF THE LITTLE TIME

THAT YOU HAVE.

THE EXPECTATIONS FOR ME WERE

THAT I WOULD COME HOME AND IT

WOULD JUST BE A PLACE OF REST

AND REFUGE.

I HAD THE MENTALITY LIKE MY

TIME'S OVER AND YOU'RE UP.

LIKE YOU GOT TO DO ALL THE GRUNT

WORK.

AND IT'S YOUR TURN.

I WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR

WITH BOTH OF US HAVING GREAT

EXPECTATIONS ON EACH OTHER.

AND WHEN WE FELT THAT

DISAPPOINTMENT AND WE STARTED TO

VEPT OUR FEELINGS AND OUR

FRUSTRATIONS, IT WOULD BE REALLY

EASY FOR THOSE ARGUMENTS TO GET

OUT OF CONTROL REALLY QUICKLY.

WE HAD EXPECTATIONS THAT

SEEMED LOGICAL AND ACCEPTABLE TO

HAVE TOWARDS EACH OTHER, AND

THEN WE WOULD FAIL EACH OTHER

AND THEN WE WOULD GROW

BITTERNESS AND CONTEMPT.

AND IT WAS SO DECEIVING.

IT REALLY HID ITSELF WELL,

BECAUSE IT'S REALLY HARD TO CALL

OUT YOUR OWN CONTEMPT FOR

SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU

HAVE A RIGHT TO IT.

WE GOT TO A PLACE WHERE THE

CYCLE THAT WE WERE IN OF ARGUING

JUST FELT LIKE WE JUST COULD NOT

GET ALONG.

MATT AND SARAH WERE COMMITTED

TO MAKING THEIR MARRIAGE WORK,

SO DIVORCE WAS NOT AN OPTION.

THEY LAID ASIDE THEIR

BITTERNESS, WENT TO COUNSELING

AND TRIED TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF

THEIR FAULTS.

BUT SARAH STILL FELT SOMETHING

WAS MISSING.

WE WERE STARTING TO MAKE

CHANGES, AND I SAID THAT'S

FANTASTIC.

I REALLY NEED YOU TO LIKE BE THE

LEADER IN OUR HOME.

THAT WAS THE DAY THAT GOD

JUST USED HER SPECIFIC WORDS TO

REALLY BREAK MY HEART AND TO

REALLY FEEL INSIDE OF ME WHAT

HE'D ALREADY BEGUN IN TERMS OF

JUST TEACHING ME TO BE MORE

TEACHABLE IN TERMS OF THE KIND

OF MAN THAT I AM, THE KIND OF

LEADER I AM FOR A FAMILY.

THE DAY WE HAD THAT

CONVERSATION, I SAT DOWN, LOOKED

AROUND ME AT ALL THE PICTURES IN

OUR HOUSE.

I LOOKED AT THE PICTURES OF HER

SMILING, OUR KIDS SMILING, A

PHOTO OF OUR WEDDING DAY AND MY

HEART REALLY ACHED BECAUSE I

FELT AS THOUGH I HADN'T SEEN

THAT GLOW IN A LONG TIME.

AND I JUST WANTED IT BACK SO

DESPERATELY.

AND JUST CRIED OUT TO GOD IN

THAT SONG THAT AFTERNOON.

* LEAD ME WITH STRONG HANDS *

* STAND UP WHEN I CAN'T *

I STARTED EXPRESSING HER

HEART AND WHAT MY KIDS MIGHT SAY

TO ME ONE DAY IF I'M NOT A GOOD

LEADER TODAY AND REALLY

EXPRESSING MY HEART TO JUST BE

THE KIND OF MAN WHO FIGHTS FOR

MY FAMILY AND NOT BY BEING

STUBBORN, BUT FIGHTING BY JUST

LAYING IT ALL DOWN AT THE FEET

OF CHRIST AND SAYING, LORD, YOU

KNOW WHAT, I'M WEAK.

YOU'RE STRONG.

EVERY BREATH IS JUST GOING TO

HAVE TO BE GRACE FROM YOU TO BE

THIS MAN.

* OH, FATHER, SHOW ME THE WAY *

TO LEAD THEM *

THE WHOLE SONG, LEAD ME,

ABOUT BEING A LEADER, IS

ULTIMATELY SAYING I CAN'T DO

THIS BY MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, I'M LEADING MY FAMILY

BY SAYING, FATHER, LEAD ME,

BECAUSE I'M NOT CAPABLE OF THIS.

EVEN JUST THAT UNDERSTANDING,

WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS I KNOW I'M

THIS WAY AND I REALLY DO WANT TO

CHANGE, THAT REALLY HELPED US

MOVE FORWARD, WHEN WE FINALLY

ACCEPTED OUR WEAKNESSES.

EVEN THOUGH WE THOUGHT WE WERE

ALL ALONG.

TODAY, MATT AND SARAH'S

MARRIAGE IS STRONGER THAN EVER.

THE RELATIONSHIP WAS TESTED

AGAIN EARLIER THIS YEAR WHEN

THEIR THIRD CHILD WAS BORN WITH

A SERIOUS HEART DEFECT.

I THINK FEELING LIKE WE WERE

IN A REALLY GOOD PLACE IN OUR

MARRIAGE AND WE'RE LEARNING HOW

TO DEAL WITH THAT CONFLICT

BETTER, IT REALLY PREPARED US,

BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH STRESS

IN HAVING A SICK CHILD.

THERE IS A PURPOSE FOR WHAT

WE WENT THROUGH, A GOD-ORDAINED

PURPOSE.

I BELIEVE THAT.

AND HE'S PULLING US THROUGH IT

AND SHOWING US HIS GRACE.

NOW WHEN THERE'S CONFLICT, WE

UNDERSTAND THERE'S HOPE HERE.

THERE'S A PURPOSE.

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.

AND IT GIVES US THAT MUCH MORE

HOPE AND THAT MUCH MORE FUEL TO

JUST KEEP WORKING THROUGH IT IN

WAYS THAT GLORIFY THE LORD MORE

AND MORE.

IT'S JUST GOD'S GRACE.

IN OUR WEAKNESS, HE'S STRONG.

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