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Looking for Love

Tomasa's abusive relationship began in high school and continued into marriage. By the time she escaped, she had lost her identity and self worth. Read Transcript


I ALWAYS HAD BRUISES ON MY CHEEKS,

ON MY ARMS.

I FELT AT THE TIME THAT IT WAS

WRONG.

HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO ME?

WHY WOULD HE HURT ME AND MAKE

ME CRY?

BUT I JUST LET IT HAPPEN.

I THOUGHT THAT MY LOVE WOULD

CHANGE HIM.

SHE FELL IN LOVE YOUNG AND

SHE FELL HARD.

SHE WAS JUST 14 YEARS OLD WHEN

SHE MET HER HIGH SCHOOL

SWEETHEART.

IT WAS MY FIRST BOYFRIEND,

MY FIRST LOVE.

HE WAS JUST GIVING ME LOVE AND

ATTENTION AND THAT'S SOMETHING

THAT I YEARNED FOR.

BY THE TIME SHE WAS 16 SHE

AND HER BOYFRIEND WERE SEXUALLY

ACTIVE.

THAT WASN'T HER ONLY SECRET.

SHE ALSO HID HER BOYFRIEND'S

ANGER.

HE STARTED BEING REALLY

CONTROLLING AND YOU'RE THE ONLY

GIRL FOR ME AND IF I CAN'T HAVE

YOU, NOBODY ELSE CAN HAVE YOU.

I THOUGHT I LOVED HIM AND

THOUGHT THAT THIS IS JUST A

PHASE.

HE WILL STOP DOING WHAT HE'S

DOING.

SHE COULDN'T CHANGE HIM AND

THE ABUSE DIDN'T STOP.

WE BROKE UP.

MY MOM TOLD HIM YOU'RE NOT

ALLOWED TO COME OVER HERE.

ONE DAY HE CAME TO MY HOUSE IN

HIS CAR AND HE CAME KNOCKING AT

THE DOOR AND.

WHEN SHE CAME OUTSIDE HE

KIDNAPPED HER.

HE GRABBED ME AND THREW ME

IN THE CAR AND TOOK OFF CRAZY

AND I JUST REMEMBER SCREAMING

AND CRYING AND TRYING TO GET

OUT OF THE CAR.

HE HELD ME BY THE HAIR AND SAID

YOU WILL DIE TONIGHT.

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NOBODY CAN

HAVE YOU.

SHE MANAGED TO JUMP FROM THE

CAR AND RUN HOME.

HE WAS SENT TO JAIL.

WHEN HE GOT OUT OF PRISON AND

CONTACTED HER SHE GOT SUCKED

BACK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.

HE WASN'T BEING ABUSIVE IN

THE BEGINNING.

WE WERE HAVING FUN AND HE WAS

BEING PERFECT.

THEY MARRIED WHEN SHE WAS 21.

BUT JUST ONE YEAR LATER, THE

ABUSE STARTED AGAIN.

I HAD TO DO WHATEVER HE SAID.

NOW IT WAS WORSE BECAUSE I WAS

HIS WIFE AND NOW I REALLY

BELONGED TO HIM.

HE WANTED ME TO LOOK LIKE A

BARBIE DOLL.

I HAD A BREAST AUGMENTATION, I

WAS HAVING PLASTIC SURGERIES.

HE JUST WANTED ME TO BE WHAT HE

WANTED, NOT WHAT I WANTED.

EVEN WITH ALL THE CHANGES

HER HUSBAND STILL WASN'T

SATISFIED.

HE HAD A NEW REQUEST.

HE WANTED HER TO STRIP.

I AM THINKING WHAT?

I HAD NEVER EVEN BEEN TO A

STRIP CLUB.

I WAS HURT BECAUSE I THOUGHT

THAT IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY WHY

WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO

SEE THEIR BODY?

I WAS ALWAYS WANTING TO PLEASE

HIM.

SHE STARTED STRIPPING.

I WAS AFRAID OF HIM AND I

KEPT TELLING HIM I DIDN'T WANT

TO DO IT AND I WAS EMBARRASSED

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO SHOW MY

BODY AND I WAS REALLY SCARED

AND NERVOUS.

SHE ALSO BEGAN DRINKING.

I HATED DOING WHAT I WAS

DOING AND THE ALCOHOL MADE ME

NOT CARE.

NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT I WAS

DOING.

AT HOME, THE ABUSE ONLY GOT

WORSE.

FINALLY, SHE HAD HAD ENOUGH.

I GOT SO FREAKED OUT THAT I

WAS LIKE OH MY GOD, WHAT IF HE

ACCIDENTALLY KILLS ME?

AND I JUST SAID I HAVE TO GET

OUT.

I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

SHE LEFT HER HUSBAND AND TWO

YEARS LATER THEIR DIVORCE WAS

FINAL.

I JUST FELT LIKE I GOT

MARRIED AND I THOUGHT THAT

MARRIAGE WAS SO SACRED.

SHE MANAGED TO HOLD DOWN A

REGULAR JOB FOR A WHILE AND DID

MODELING ON THE SIDE.

EVENTUALLY WENT BACK TO

STRIPPING FOR EASY MONEY.

SOCIETY WAS TELLING ME THAT

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SEX SELLS.

USE YOUR BODY.

USE YOUR FACE.

USE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

SHE HATED WHO SHE HAD BECOME.

I SAID I'M TIRED OF THIS

LIFE AND TIRED OF DANCING.

HATE MY LIFE.

I CRIED OUT TO GOD AND I SAID

PLEASE, JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS

SITUATION.

A FEW DAYS LATER SHE MET A

YOUNG ACTOR AT A MODELING EVENT

IN VEGAS.

THE TWO STARTED A LONG DISTANCE

RELATIONSHIP.

AFTER A FEW WEEKS OF TALKING

HE CALLED HER UP AND MADE A

CONFESSION.

HE SAID I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A

STRUGGLE WITH GOD.

I REALLY WANT TO GET MY LIFE

TOGETHER AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY

AND I WANT TO SERVE GOD BUT I

KNOW IT'S HARD.

HE SAID I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN

DO IT BY MYSELF.

HE SAID, YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO

THIS SEMINAR, IT'S A CHRISTIAN

SEMINAR AND DO YOU THINK THAT

MAYBE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO?

SHE WENT WITH HIM AND HEARD A

WOMAN SHARE HER TESTIMONY OF

COMING TO CHRIST AND LEAVING

HER JOB AS A STRIPPER.

THE GIRL CAME UP TO ME AND

SAID GOD TOLD HER TO COME AND

TALK TO ME.

THAT'S WHEN I KNEW THIS WAS GOD.

I JUST REMEMBER CRYING AND

SAYING, YOU KNOW, THIS IS TIME.

I NEED TO GIVE MY LIFE TO GOD.

I NEED TO STOP DOING WHAT I'M

DOING AND THAT'S THE DAY THAT I

GOT SAVED.

AFTER THAT, I COULDN'T GO BACK

TO DANCING.

SINCE BEING SAVED I NEVER WENT

BACK TO ANYTHING.

GOD HEALED ME OVERNIGHT.

HE ALSO ACCEPTED CHRIST

DURING THE SEMINAR.

ONE MONTH LATER HE PROPOSED TO

HER.

TODAY THEY'RE MARRIED AND

SERVING GOD TOGETHER.

I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS

ALONE AND LONELY.

NOW BEING SAVED GOD SAID YOU

ARE NEVER ALONE.

GOD WANTS TO BE THE ONE TO FILL

OUR CUP AND HE WANTS TO BE THE

ONE WE CRY OUT TO.

I CRIED OUT TO GOD AND SAID

HELP ME, I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

I NEED A WAY OUT, SHOW ME.

HE DID.

I'M GLAD HE DID IT WHEN HE DID IT.

EMBED THIS VIDEO


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