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Tracy Judkins: Cry Out to 'The God That Can'

When talking about her old life, Tracy says, 'I felt as though I hadn’t just hit the bottom, but I slammed through to the pit.' Read Transcript


I LIVED IN CONSTANT

FEAR.

MY PARENTS WERE CONSTANTLY

FIGHTING.

MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.

I FELT ALWAYS THAT I WAS

ALONE.

EVEN IN THE MIDST OF PEOPLE,

I WAS ALWAYS ALONE AND HAD

TO PROTECT MYSELF.

Reporter: TRACY JENKINS

RAN AWAY FROM THE CHAOS OF

HER DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY AT

THE AGE OF 17.

TO SUPPORT HERSELF, SHE RAN

INTO AN EVEN DARKER PLACE.

THE WORLD OF TOPLESS

DANCING IS A WORLD OF

FABRICATION.

THE ONLY WAY YOUR ACCEPTED

IN SEXUALLY.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO

MANIPULATE MANIPULATION.

Reporter: TRACY ALSO

GOT HOOKED ON

METHAMPHETAMINES.

AT FIRST, WHEN YOU START

THIS DRUG, THERE IS THIS

HUGE LIE THAT IT TELLS YOU:

YOU ARE SUPER POWERFUL.

YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS.

IT'S EUPHORIC.

BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH

METHAMPHETAMINE I USED, OR

HOW MUCH ALCOHOL I DRANK, IT

WOULDN'T MAKE THE PAIN GO

AWAY.

Reporter: IN 1996,

TRACY FOUND OUT SHE WAS

PREGNANT.

I HAD MET MY DAUGHTER'S

FATHER IN A RESTAURANT.

AND WHILE I WAS PREGNANT, I

DIDN'T USE ANY ALCOHOL OR

DRUGS.

BUT AS SOON AS I DECIDED TO

PICK UP, THAT ROARING LION

WAS THERE WAITING FOR ME.

AND IT CAME BACK A

THOUSAND-FOLD.

AS A DIRECT RESULT OF THAT,

I LOST EVERYTHING.

Reporter: INCLUDING THE

ONLY PERSON SHE LOVED, HER

DAUGHTER.

I WENT TO MY MOTHER AND

SOL TOLD MY MOTHER I COULD

NO LONGER TAKE CARE OF MY

CHILD.

MY DAUGHTER WAS BROUGHT TO

MY HUSBAND.

I REMEMBER WHEN I LOST MY

DAUGHTER, I REMEMBER BEING

IN THE BACK SEAT OF A CAR

CRYING, BECAUSE I COULDN'T

GO TO COURT THAT DAY.

I BEGAN A JOURNEY OF INTENSE

VIOLENCE, THEFT, ASSAULT.

I HAD NO CONVICTION AT ALL.

I HAD NO FEAR.

I HAD NO FEAR BECAUSE I

DIDN'T BELIEVE IN GOD.

Reporter: TRACY WAS IN

AND OUT OF JAIL AND MENTAL

INSTITUTIONS.

THE STREETS BECAME HER

HOME.

ITHAD WARRANT I HAD

WARRANTS OUT FOR MY ARREST.

MY OWN MOTHER HAD AN ORDER

OF PROTECTION AGAINST ME

BECAUSE I BECAME VIOLENT

AGAINST HER.

Reporter: FINALLY TRACY

TURNED HERSELF INTO THE

POLICE AND WENT TO JAIL.

I FELT AS THOUGH I HADN'T

JUST HIT THE BECOME BOTTOM,

BUT I FELL INTO THE PIT.

THERE WAS NO HOPE.

NO LIGHT.

I CRIED OUT TO A GOD I DON'T

BELIEVE IN.

IN MY EXACT WORDS, I SAID,

IF YOU'RE REAL, YOU'VE GOT

TO HELP ME.

I WAS CRYING OUT TO A GOD I

DID NOT BELIEVE IN.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN ABOUT 10

MINUTES CRYING AND CRYING.

AND SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE,

I FELT A WARMTH HIT BOTH OF

MY FEET AT THE SAME TIME.

AND THE WARMTH WAS SO

PROFOUND THAT IN THAT FETAL

POSITION, I HAD OPENED MY

EYES AND SHOOK THE WATER --

THE TEARS OUT OF MY EYES, TO

SEE WHO WAS TOUCHING ME, AND

NOBODY WAS TOUCHING ME.

AND THE HEAT TRAVELLED UP.

AND WHEN IT GOT RIGHT TO MY

STOMACH, I KNEW WHAT IT WAS

AND WHO IT WAS FROM.

I KNEW IT WAS A HEALING.

AND THE WORDS THAT CAME OUT

OF MY MOUTH WERE "PRAISE

YOU, SWEET JESUS OF

NAZARETH."

AND HOW I KNEW TO SAY THAT,

I'LL NEVER KNOW.

BUT THIS WARMTH TRAVELLED UP

MY BODY, AND I FELT A

COMFORT AND A PEACE I HAD

NOT FELT ALL OF MY LIFE --

ALL OF MY LIFE.

THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF MY

LIFE.

Reporter: IN 2005,

TRAY TRACY ENTERED A

WOMEN'S HALFWAY HOUSE AND

WENT TO CHURCH.

THE CHANGES IN MY WERE SO

PROFOUND.

SO PROFOUND.

I STARTED TO HAVE AN

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH

JESUS.

I WAS RUNNING TO HIM.

I WANTED TO KNOW WHO IS HE?

WHAT IS HE ABOUT?

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

THE HEALING I RECEIVED, I

DIDN'T SAY PRAISE YOU

MOHAMMED, OR PRAISE YOU

UNIVERSE.

MY EXACT WORDS WERE, "PRAISE

YOU, SWEET JESUS, OF

NAZARETH."

SO I WANTED TO KNOW THAT

SWEET JESUS OF NAZARETH.

Reporter: TODAY TRACY

IS COMPLETELY FREE FROM

DRUGS, AND IS MENTORING

PEOPLE IN ARIZONA.

SHE RECENTLY MARRIED.

JESUS IS MY BEST FRIEND.

HE IS MY LORD.

HE IS MY COMFORTER, HE IS MY

SAVIOR.

TO THE PERSON OUT THERE THAT

HAS NO HOPE, HAS NO FAITH,

THAT IS STEEPED IN

DISBELIEF, THAT IF YOU WOULD

HUMBLE YOURSELF, DO WHATEVER

IT TAKES, FALL ON YOUR

KNEES, FALL UPON YOUR FAITH

AND CRY OUT TO THE GOD THAT

CAN, I PROMISE YOU THAT HE

WILL.

I'M PROOF OF IT.

EMBED THIS VIDEO


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