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Bring It On: Relationship Advice

I have been dating a man for two years. He is sweet and respectful. Initially he told me that he was a Christian, but later he began pressuring me to have sex. I gave in. I don't want to hurt him but I'm tired of living like this. What should ... Read Transcript


ARE YOU READY TO E-MAIL.

Pat: I FINISHED 58

YEARS OF MARRIAGE, STARTING

ON 59.

Kristi: WHEN I WAS YOUR

ANNIVERSARY?

Pat: JUST RECENTLY.

WE HAVE FOUR CHILDREN, 14

GRANDCHILDREN, 2.5

GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.

DO YOU RECKON I'M QUALIFIED

TO SPEAK ABOUT THESE

MATTERS?

A LITTLE BIT.

Pat: I KNOW HOW YOU

KEEP A MARRIAGE TOGETHER.

Kristi: COME ON, PAT.

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO

KEEPING A MARRIAGE

TOGETHER?

Pat: HONEST?

Kristi: YES, BE

HONEST.

Pat: TO BE HONEST,

UNDERSTANDING, AND

FORGIVING.

WHATEVER IT IS, IT HAS

WORKED.

Kristi: IT HAS WORKED

AND IT HAS WORKED

BEAUTIFULLY.

AND NOT JUST YOU AND DEE

DEE, BUT JUST THE LEGACY OF

YOUR KIDS.

THEY ALL LOVE THE LORD,

SERVING THE LORD.

Pat: LOVE THE LORD.

SERVING THE LORD.

Kristi: AND THEY ALL

LOOK-ALIKE.

GOOD GENES.

Pat: GOOD GENES.

Kristi: LASHONDA SAYS,

"I HAVE BEEN DATING A MAN

FOR THREE YEARS, AND HE IS

SWEET AND RESPECTFUL AND

WILL DO ANYTHING FOR

ANYONE.

MY MOM REALLY LOVES ME.

INITIALLY HE TOLD ME HE WAS

A CHRISTIAN, AND LATER HE

BEGAN PRESSURING ME TO HAVE

SEX, AND I GAVE IN AND WE

HAD SEX.

I'M NOT REALLY INTO THE

RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE, BUT I

DON'T WANT TO BREAK IT OFF

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT

HIM.

MY FAMILY SAYS I WOULD BE BE

CRAZY TO BREAK UP.

I FEEL LIKE I OWE HIM.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

Pat: YOU DON'T OWE HIM

ANYTHING.

HE DECEIVED YOU, SAID HE WAS

A PRINCIPLE, AND THEN HE

TALKS YOU INTO DOING

SOMETHING AGAINST YOUR MORAL

PRINCIPLES -- YOU DON'T OWE

HIM ANYTHING.

Kristi: THERE YOU GO.

I THINK THAT'S THE PLOY OF

THE DEVIL.

Pat: YOU OWE HIM THE

LOVE OF CHRIST, AND YOU HOPE

HE FINDS A BETTER WAY.

BUT LEAVE OFF THE KEY, LEE,

AND GET OUT THE BACK, JACK,

AND ALL OF THOSE OTHER

THINGS, GET OUT OF THAT

THING.

Kristi: I LOVE IT.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT QUESTION.

KERI WRITES, "I'M A

39-YEAR-OLD CHRISTIAN MAN

WHO'S NEVER BEEN MARRIED.

I HEARD MICHELLE SAY WOMEN

HAVE TO GIVE MEN A CHANCE.

I'VE BEEN ON ALL KINDS OF

DATING SITES, AND NO ONE

REALLY ANSWERS ME.

I'M TURNING 40, AND I

BASICALLY HAVE NO CONFIDENCE

WITH WOMEN NOW THAT I'VE

BEEN REJECTED FOR SO LONG.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN

DO."

SUGGESTIONS, PAT?

Pat: THERE WAS A

CARTOON CHARACTER, AND

EVERYWHERE HE WENT HE HAD A

DARK CLOUD OVER HIM.

IF YOU GO AROUND LOOKING

LIKE A HANG DOG, AND THERE

IS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT

MEN AND WOMEN SEE YOU AND

THEY WANT TO KICK YOU.

GET OUT OF MY WAY.

WOMEN WANT SOMEBODY WHO IS A

LEADER, WHO IS ASSERTIVE.

WHO IS IN CHARGE.

THEY DON'T WANT WH SOMEBODY

WHO IS A FAILURE, UNLESS

THEY'VE GOT A PERVERTED

MOTHER COMPLEX.

IF YOU WANT TO FIND A WOMAN,

YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE SOME

AUTHORITY.

YOU'VE GOT TO ACT LIKE, I

KNOW WHERE I'M GOING, AND

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GO

THERE WITH ME.

IF YOU SAY I'M A FAILURE,

AND A LOSER, WOULDN'T YOU

LIKE TO COME ALONG WITH ME?

Kristi: ONE OF THE

THINGS THEY SAY, BE WHO YOU

WANT TO BE ATTRACT.

IT IS NOT EVEN EXTERIOR.

IT IS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT

YOURSELF?

WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING OUT

THERE?

ARE YOU JOYFUL AND KIND --

Pat: YOU PUT OUT

NOTHING BUT TROUBLE, BABY --

I RECOMMEND, IF NOTHING

ELSE, GO TO A DALE CARNEGIE

COURSE ON POWER OF POSITIVE

THINKING.

DO SOMETHING.

BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THAT, YOU

CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU ACT.

AND THEN YOU PROJECT THAT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WE SEND

OUT A.M. AND F.M. SIGNALS.

WOMEN ARE A LOT MORE

SENSITIVE TO THE NON-VERBAL

CUES THAN MEN ARE.

SO YOU'RE SENDING OUT THESE

SIGNALS.

CHANGE THE FREQUENCY.

Kristi: I LIKE THAT.

I LIKE THAT.

MELISSA SAYS, "MY HUSBAND IS

ALREADY IN A NEW DATING

RELATIONSHIP, AND HE LIVES

WITH THIS NEW WOMAN.

I'M NOT DATING, BUT ANY TIME

I THINK ABOUT DATING, MY SON

DOESN'T LIKE IT.

I DON'T WANT MY SON TO HURT,

BUT I DON'T THINK HE SHOULD

CONTROL THE SITUATION,

EITHER."

WHAT DO YOU THINK, PAT?

Pat: FIRST OF ALL, WHY

ARE YOU DIVORCED?

WAS THERE IMMORTALITY?

OR DID YOU JUST DECIDE YOU

WANTED TO DIVORCE.

DATING IS NOT THE DEAL.

YOU'VE GOT TO GO BEYOND

THAT.

YOU'VE GOT TO TELL YOUR SON,

MAMA IS 35, AND I'VE GOT

ANOTHER 40 YEARS AHEAD OF

ME, AND I'VE GOT TO HAVE A

LIFE.

I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'VE GOT

TO SHARE WITH ME THE

HAPPINESS I DESERVE.

IF THE KID DOESN'T BUY INTO

IT, THAT'S TOUGH.

I MEAN, HE'S GOT TO GROW UP

AND LIVE HIS LIFE, AND

YOU'VE GOT TO EXPLAIN TO

HIM, IN ANOTHER FIVE OR 10

YEARS, YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE

HOME AND FIND A GIRLFRIEND,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET

MARRIED, AND YOU'RE GOING TO

START ANOTHER HOME AND

YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE.

AND I DESERVE MY HOME TO BE

ESTABLISHED, TOO.

Kristi: I THINK THE

ESSENCE OF IT IS KIDS

INSTINCTIVELY GET SCARED.

THEY GET SCARED IF MOMMY

GOES FOR SUCH AND SUCH OR

DAD GOES WITH SUCH AND SUCH,

THAT'S LESS LOVE FOR ME.

KIDS ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW

THEY ARE LOVED TO THE

FULLEST CAPACITY.

AND THAT LOVE WILL NOT

DIMINISH.

Pat: I THINK THE KIDS

FEAR MAMA IS GOING TO MARRY

SOME ABUSIVE DRUNK.

OKAY, NEXT QUESTION.

Kristi: THAT'S IT.

WE'RE DONE.

Pat: ALL THOSE

WONDERFUL ANSWERS AND IT IS

ALL OVER.

Kristi: IT'S ALL OVER.

Pat: I'M SO SAD.

Kristi: BUT

TECHNICALLY, IT IS NOT

OVER.

YOU CAN GO TO cbn.com AND

ASK WHATEVER QUESTION, AND

DON'T FORGET THE "VOICE OF

HOPE" SERIES WILL CONTINUE.

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