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Columnist Betsy Hart On Life After Divorce

Syndicated columnist Betsy Hart shares her personal experience of recovery from divorce into a future of hope and peace. Read Transcript


Terry: BETSY HART

DIDN'T EXACTLY WRITE THE

BOOK ON LOVE, BUT SHE WRITES

A NATIONALLY SYNDICATED

COLUMN ON IT.

AND WHILE SHE TACKLES

RELATIONSHIPS, THEY ALL HAVE

ONE THING IN COMMON, THEY

ALL COME STRAIGHT FROM THE

HEART.

Reporter: NATIONALLY

SYNDICATED COLUMNIST BETSY

HART, SAYS WHEN IT COMES TO

LOVE AND ROMANCE, WE ARE

CONFUSED.

BETSY WENT THROUGH A DIVORCE

AND SUDDENLY BECAME A SINGLE

MOTHER OF FOUR.

SHE SPEAKS FROM EXPERIENCE.

HER PRACTICAL AND HUMOROUS

INSIGHTS ARE OFTEN FEATURED

ON SHOWS LIKE "FOX AND

FRIENDS," AND OTHER MEDIA

OUTLETS.

BETSY'S NEW BOOK "FROM THE

HEART," IS A COLLECTION OF

COLUMNS.

SHE HOPES TO HELP PEOPLE TO

THINK MORE ABOUT LIFE, LOVE,

AND THE LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT

OF MARRIAGE.

Terry: PLEASE WELCOME

BETSY HART.

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

Terry: YOU HAVE SO MUCH

SOUND AND SAGE ADVICE IN

THIS, BUT YOU SAY WOMEN TOO

OFTEN PINE FOR THE

CARICATURE OF MEN THAT WE

SEE IN CHICK FLICKS TODAY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

WE TEND TO WATCH THESE

VERY ROMANTIC MOVIES.

I ACTUALLY CALL THEM

ROMANTIC PORNOGRAPHY BECAUSE

I THINK THEY FEED THIS

FANTASY FOR WOMEN THAT IS

NOT REAL.

THAT THE MAN HAS TO BE FULL

OF FEELINGS AND BE A LOT

LIKE A BEST GIRLFRIEND.

SO I THINK WE GET THIS

VISION OF WHAT IS NOT REAL,

AND WE SORT OF PINE FOR

THAT.

AND WHEN THE FELLOW IN OUR

REAL LIFE DOESN'T MATCH UP,

WE SAY THE HECK WITH YOU.

BUT WHAT WE DON'T ASK FOR

TOO MUCH IS THE COMMITMENT

OF MARRIAGE.

I KNOW SO MANY WOMEN TODAY

ARE AFRAID TO ASK FOR

MARRIAGE.

WE DON'T EXPECT THE

RELATIONSHIPS WE'RE IN TO

MOVE TOWARDS MARRIAGE.

AND I THINK THAT'S A

MISTAKE --

Terry: WHY DON'T WE DO

THAT?

IS IT BECAUSE WE THINK THE

GUY DOESN'T WANT THAT?

THE CULTURE HAS FLIPPED

THINGS ON THEIR HEAD.

IT USED TO BE THAT DATING

WAS EXPECTED TO MOVE

NATURALLY TOWARDS MARRIAGE

AND NOT NATURALLY TOWARDS A

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

NOW THE CULTURE SAYS WOMEN

AND MEN SHOULD BE THE SAME,

AND NOBODY REALLY NEEDS TO

BE MARRIAGE.

AND YOU SHOULD BE SEXUALLY

ACTIVE OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE,

AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT HAVING

THAT COMMITMENT THAT GOD

WANTS US TO HAVE, WHICH IS

THE COMMITMENT OF MARRIAGE

AND THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

SAVED FOR THAT.

THE CULTURE HAS REALLY TAKEN

OVER HOW WE VIEW THESE

THINGS.

BUT, GUESS WHAT?

SO MANY WOMEN IN PARTICULAR,

AND MEN AS WELL, AND

CHILDREN, GET SHORT-CHANGED

IN THE PROCESS.

Terry: THEY REALLY DO.

YOU WENT THROUGH A DIVORCE

IN 2004.

WHAT WAS THAT LIKE FOR YOU?

UDEVASTATED. -- I WAS DEVASTATED.

I REALLY DIDN'T WANT THAT.

I HAD FOUR CHILDREN.

FORTUNATELY I HAD A

WONDERFUL SUPPORT NETWORK,

AND I HAD A WONDERFUL CHURCH

LIFE, AND I WAS ALREADY

WALKING WITH GOD.

HE USED THAT TO DRAW ME, I

THINK, SO MUCH CLOSER TO

HIMSELF.

AND THROUGH THOSE EIGHT

YEARS I LET MY CHILDREN SEE

ME IN ADVERSITY --

Terry: IT'S SO HARD.

WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDST OF

SUCH DEEP PAIN YOURSELF, AND

THEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE

TO FILL THE BILL FOR ALL OF

YOUR CHILDREN AT A TIME.

AND THIS IS A VERY

DEVASTATING THING FOR THEM,

TOO.

HOW DID YOU JUGGLE ALL OF

THAT?

I THINK IT IS OKAY TO LET

OUR CHILDREN SEE US WHEN

WE'RE BROKEN.

SO OFTEN GOD WORKS THROUGH

THE BROKENNESS.

WHEN WE SAY THIS IS REALLY

HARD, BUT I'M WALKING WITH

GOD.

THAT CAN BE MORE POWERFUL

THAN LOOK AT ME, I HAVE IT

ALL TOGETHER.

BECAUSE ONE IS ABOUT GOD,

AND THE OTHER IS ABOUT ME.

AND I WANT IT TO BE ABOUT

GOD.

BUT LEARNING A LOT, AND

BEGINNING TO WRITE MORE

ANDMORE IN MY SYNDICATED

COLUMN ABOUT LOVE AND

ROMANCE AND DATING, AS I

BEGAN TO DATE AGAIN AS A

SINGLE MOM.

AND SO MANY OF THOSE STORIES

MADE IT INTO MY BOOK "FROM

THE HEAR HEART."

IT IS ABOUT ASKING WHAT WE

REALLY WANT, WHICH, FOR

WOMEN, IS TYPICALLY

MARRIAGE.

HOW TO MOVE WISELY THROUGH

THE WORLD OF DATING AND

RELATIONSHIPS.

AND I'M NEWLY ENGAGED --

Terry:

CONGRATULATIONS.

AND AFTER EIGHT YEARS AS

A SINGLE MOM, I'M VERY

GRATEFUL.

I'M HOPING IT TOUCHES AND

ENCOURAGES OTHER WOMEN,

TOO.

Terry: THIS MAY SOUND

LIKE A CRAZY QUESTION, BUT

ARE YOU A BETTER PERSON

TODAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE GONE

THROUGH IN ALL OF THIS?

ARE YOU DEEPER, WISER?

I HOPE SO.

I'VE HEARD PEOPLE TALK ABOUT

CANCER.

NOBODY WANTS IT, AND NOBODY

ASKS FOR IT, AND MY MOTHER

WAS A VICTIM, BUT I'VE HEARD

PEOPLE SAY IN SOME WAYS IT

REALLY CHANGED THEM, THAT

THEY'RE IN A STRANGE WAY

GLAD THAT GOD BROUGHT THAT

ADVERSITY INTO THEIR LIFE.

AND I THINK IN A STRANGE

WAY, ALTHOUGH I NEVER WOULD

HAVE CHOSEN THIS, BUT GOD

USED IT TO MAKE ME A BETTER

PERSON.

TO TEACH MY CHILDREN THINGS

ABOUT GROWING IN ADVERSITY,

AND TO SEE HE REALLY DOES

WORK IN BROKENNESS, AND

OFTEN IS SO REDEMPTIVE.

Terry: AND HE WORKS

SOME HEALING.

YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED THIS

FALL.

AND YOU HAVE FOUR CHILDREN,

AND YOUR FIANCE HAS FOUR

CHILDREN, AND NOW WE'RE

TAKING ON THE WHOLE BLENDED

FAMILY.

AND THEY'RE CHILDREN ARE

OLDER AND THEY'RE SO

WONDERFUL TO MY CHILDREN.

AND MY CHILDREN ARE EXCITED

ABOUT TOM.

WE'RE VERY BLESSED IN THAT

WAY.

WE'RE LEARNING A LOT.

WHAT MISTAKES DID WE MAKE IN

OUR FIRST MARRIAGES, NOT

THAT WE WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR

OUR SPOUSES LEAVING --

SPOUSES ARE SUPPOSED TO

STAY, WHETHER WEAR DOING ALL

OF THE RIGHT THINGS OR NOT.

THAT'S THE CALLING OF

MARRIAGE.

BUT, NEVERTHELESS, WE CAN

SAY WHAT CAN WE DO BETTER

THE NEXT TIME AROUND.

DEDRICK BONFIRE, A WRITER I

LIKES, SAYS MARRIAGE IS MORE

ABOUT HOLINESS THAN IT IS

ABOUT HAPPINESS.

YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW THAT

CONCEPT WAS NEAR AND DEAR TO

YOUR HEART AND YOU CLUNG TO

THAT EVEN THROUGH THE

DIVORCE.

YES.

I WAS IN THIS DIFFICULT

SITUATION OF BEING A

NATIONALLY SYNDICATED

COLUMNIST, WRITING ABOUT

MARRIAGE AND HOW IMPORTANT

IT WAS, AND SUDDENLY AND

VERY QUICKLY MINE WAS OVER

AND I DIDN'T WANT THAT.

IT WAS HUMILIATING, AND I

HAD TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND

SAY, WHAT DO I BELIEVE.

AND ALL OF THE THINGS I

BELIEVED WERE TRUE, BUT THEY

WERE JUST MORE TRUE TO ME.

I COULD SEE THE DEVASTATION

OF DIVORCE, AND IT IS OFTEN

THE DIFFICULTIES IN MARRIAGE

THAT DRAWS US CLOSER TO

GOD.

WHEN MY HUSBAND WASN'T BEING

A PERFECT HUSBAND OR I

WASN'T BEING A PERFECT WIFE,

THE CALLING WAS TO GO TO GOD

AND SAY HOW CAN I BE A

BETTER SPOUSE.

AND THROUGH THAT PROCESS,

GOD OFTEN DRAWS US CLOSER TO

HIMSELF AND ALLOWS US TO

GROW IN HOLINESS IN THE

MARRIAGE WHEN WEAR NOT JUST

SAYING, HOW CAN BE I HAPPY.

AND THROUGH THAT, HE OFTEN

GIVES US REAL JOY THAT WE

MIGHT NOT HAVE OTHERWISE

FOUND.

Terry: YOU MENTIONED

THAT EIGHT-YEAR WINDOW OF

TIME.

I KNOW IT HAD TO BE HARD TO

GET INTO THAT WHOLE DATING

SCENE.

IS THERE SOME WISDOM OF

TAKING SOME TIME AND SPACE

TO FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE?

I THINK THAT IS REALLY

WISE.

TAKE SOME TIME TO EXAMINE

HOW DID I GET TO THIS PLACE

WHERE I AM, AND HOW DO I

WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.

I THINK AT THE SAME TIME, WE

WANT TO SAY IN OUR CULTURE,

RELATIONSHIPS ARE ONLY WHEN

I'M WHOLE AND HEALTHY.

BUT THE SCRIPTURE SAID WE

OFTEN HEAL IN

RELATIONSHIPS.

GOD SAID BEFORE ADAM AND THE

FALL, IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN

TO BE ALONE.

SO THERE IS A BALANCE IN

MOVING FORWARD IN THE

RECALL RELATIONSHIP AND

ALLOWING US TO HELP EACH

OTHER.

Terry: IT SOUNDS LIKE

GOD HAS GIVEN YOU GREAT

WISDOM IN YOUR JOURNEY.

THANK YOU.

Terry: AND BETSY SHARES

THAT WITH ALL OF US.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE,

CHECK OUT "FROM THE HEART,"

ON LOVE, LOSS, MARRIAGE, AND

OTHER EXTREME SPORTS.

AND IT IS AVAILABLE

NATION-WIDE.

THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH

US.

THANK YOU.

EMBED THIS VIDEO


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