TERRY: OUR NEXT GUEST SAYS
LOVE IS IN THE EYES.
IF YOU ROLL YOURS AT YOUR
SPOUSE, YOU ARE ASKING FOR
TROUBLE.
KNOWING HOW TO FIGHT SMART IS
ONE OF MANY SECRETS OF HAPPY
FAMILIES HERE IS MORE.
REPORTER: SOMETIMES WE TAKE
EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED, IN FACT
THAT IS ONE OF THE MAIN
CONTRIBUTORS TO THE BREAK DOWN
OF MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES.
STRESS OF WORK, TAKING CARE OF
HOUSE HOLDS AND JUGGLING KID'S
ACTIVITIES STEALS PRECIOUS TIME
FROM THE ONES WE LOVE.
"NEW YORK TIMES" AUTHOR BRUCE
FEILER TRIED AN EXPERIMENT TO
GET CLOSER TO WIFE AND TWIN
DAUGHTERS.
NOW MARRIAGE AND FAMILY ARE
STRONGER THAN EVER.
TERRY: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "THE 700 CLUB" SEF BRUCE
FEILER.
HONORED TO BE HERE.
TERRY: YOU TOOK UNIQUE
APPROACHES IN STRENGTHENING YOUR
FAMILY, YOU HAVE A WIFE AND TWO
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS.
YOU WANTED TO MAKE KEEPS
FAMILIES TOGETHER.
TELL US ABOUT THE EXPERIMENT.
WE WANTED TO TRY NEW IDEAS.
I WOULD SAY OUR EXPERIMENT TWO
BIG BLOCKS.
WE NEEDED TO ADAPT, TO CONTROL
ALL THE CHANGE THAT WAS GOING ON
AROUND US.
WE STARTED A WEEKLY FAMILY
MEETING, TAKES 15 MINUTES ON
SUNDAY EVENINGS.
WHAT IS WORKING?
WHAT WILL WE WORK ON IN A WEEK
AHEAD.
CREATED A SAFE ZONE.
WE WOULD TALK ABOUT OUR FAMILY.
YOU NEED TO CHANGE, YOU ALSO
NEED BEDROCK.
WE MADE A FAMILY MISSION
STATEMENT.
WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT SOUNDED
COLD.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE THING.
CAN YOUR CHILDREN REALLY SAY
WHAT VALUES ARE MOST IMPORTANT
TO YOU?
WE HAD A PAJAMA PARTY.
WHAT MATTERS MOST TO US.
WE MADE A LIST.
FAITH, SERVICE, TRAVEL, JOY,
BAKING, COOKING, DOESN'T MATTER.
IT WAS DEFINING WHAT IS OUR BEST
POSSIBLE SELVES AND ACHIEVE WHAT
IS OUR BEST POSSIBLE SELVES.
TERRY: IT WASN'T JUST YOU
AND YOUR WIFE MAKING THE
DECISIONS, THEY WERE A PART OF
THE PROCESS.
THAT MADE A DIFFERENCE, DIDN'T
IT?
WE HAVE FOUND INCLUDING OUR
CHILDREN IN THE PROCESS EMPOWERS
THEM MORE AND HELPS THEM TO BE
MORE MOTIVATED.
LATEST RESEARCH SHOWS IF KIDS
SET THEIR OWN GOALS, IT IS
BUILDING UP THEIR BRAINS.
YOU CAN'T GET YOUR KIDS TO 16
AND SAY GO FORTH.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM PRACTICE
WITH THE SKILLS.
TERRY: IT SEEMS LIKE A
PRACTICAL THING, BRUCE.
I THINK ABOUT THIS BOOK, WE
ARE IN THIS STRAIGHT JACKET,
ONLY THINGS WE CAN IMPLEMENT
COME FROM EXPERTS.
THERE ARE ALL THESE IDEAS OF
MAKING TEAMS WORK.
200 NEW IDEAS ON TO THE TABLE.
IT IS NOT FIVE OR SIX OR SEVEN.
WHAT WORKS WITH YOUR FAMILY
MIGHT BE DIFFERENT FROM HER
FAMILY OR MY FAMILY.
IF YOU TAKE THREE IDEAS FROM
THIS BOOK, YOU CAN HAVE A
HAPPIER FAMILY IN A WEEK
TERRY: YOU LOOKED TO
CORPORATION AND ORGANIZATIONS
AND WHAT MAKES, THAT MADE SO
MUCH SENSE AS I WAS READING IT.
THIS IS A GREAT IDEA.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT IS A
PROBLEM IN FAMILIES IS
COMMUNICATION AND KEEPING THOSE
DOORS OPEN.
YOU TALK ABOUT FIGHTING SMART.
MY WIFE AND I WOULD HAVE THIS
FIGHT EVERY NIGHT.
WHO IS PICKING UP DRY CLEANING
AND MILK.
IT WAS GETTING US DOWN.
I WENT TO TALK TO PEOPLE THAT
MAKE PEACE AROUND THE WORLD.
WE DON'T FIGHT BETWEEN
6:00-8:00, RESEARCH SHOWS THAT
IS THE HIGHEST STRESS TIME.
I WAS SITTING HIGH AT MY DESK,
SHE WAS LOWER, ARMS CROSSED.
I WAS IN THE POWER POSITION.
IF YOU SIT ACROSS FROM SOMEONE
YOU WILL BE MORE
CONFRONTATIONAL, SIDE BY SIDE
MORE COLLABORATIVE.
WE SIT SIDE BY SIDE.
REDUCES THE STRESS.
LET'S BRING THEM INTO FAMILIES.
TERRY: YOU MENTIONED
CUSHIONED SERVICE, THE WAY YOU
POSITION FURNITURE.
IF YOU ARE SITTING AT A RIGID
SERVICE, YOU ARE MORE RIGID.
CUSHIONED SERVICE MORE
CUSHIONED.
WE WENT THROUGH MY DAUGHTER'S
REPORT CARD, SAT ON A WINDOW
SEAT OUR GIRLS ON OUR SEAT.
WE ARE ON YOUR SIDE, YOU HAVE
THINGS TO WORK ON.
THERE IS ALL THIS KNOW HOW OUT
THERE.
HERE IS THE NO. 1 THING WE KNOW.
ALL FAMILIES HAVE CONFLICT.
IF YOU CAN LIMIT AND CONTROL
THAT CONFLICT, YOU CAN RECOVER.
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, SPEND LESS
TIME WORRYING ABOUT THE BAD
TIMES, MORE TIME BUILDING UP THE
GOOD TIMES.
IF YOU FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE
MEMORIES, THEY WILL OUTWEIGH THE
BIG ONES.
TERRY: MARRIAGE ENHANCERS,
DATE NIGHT AND FAMILY DINNERS.
YOU SAY THOSE AREN'T AS
WONDERFUL OR QUITE THE SOLUTION.
ON THE DATE NIGHT, IMPROVING
MARRIAGE, IF YOU GO TO DINNER
AND A MOVIE, IT WON'T HAVE THAT
MUCH IMPACT.
GET LOST, COOK A NEW RECIPE,
TAKE A CLASS.
SOMETHING LIKE WHEN YOU WERE
FIRST MEETING, IT WILL REKINDLE
THAT MEETING.
AS FOR DINNER, IT IS GOOD FOR
OUR LIVES.
MY WIFE WORKS LATE OR SPORTING
PRACTICE.
TERRY: PEOPLE FIGHTING AT
THE DINNER
TABLE.
ONLY 10 MINUTES OF
CONVERSATION IN ANY MEAL.
REST TAKEN UP WITH TAKE YOUR
ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE.
YOU CAN MOVE THAT TO BREAKFAST,
OR SNACK.
WE TESTED TALKING GAMES TO FIND
THE ONES MOST RESTORE TIF.
FAVORITE PEACE OF ADVICE IF YOU
TALK TO KIDS ABOUT THEIR FAMILY
HISTORY WHERE THEIR GRANDPARENTS
WERE BORN OR AN ILLNESS THEY
OVERCAME, THOSE KIDS THAT KNOW
MORE ABOUT THEIR HISTORY.
NO. 1 PREDICT TO OF A CHILD'S
WELL BEING.
THEY UNDERSTAND THEIR LONG
NARRATIVE.
UPS AND DOWNS, KIDS THAT
UNDERSTAND THEIR RELATIVES HAVE
HAD GOOD TIMES AND BAD GIVES
THEM THE CONFIDENCE TO PUSH
THROUGH AND MAKE THEIR OWN LIVES
HAPPIER.
TERRY: DEFINES THIS IS WHO
WE ARE.
IT IS A WONDERFUL BOOK.
I REALLY ENJOYED IT.
BRUCE HAS OVER 200 IDEAS.
TOUGH FIND ONE THAT WORKS.
TO HELP BRING YOUR FAMILY CLOSER
TOGETHER, IT IS CALLED "THE
SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES."
AVAILABLE WHERE BOOKS ARE SOLD.
NO. 5 ON THE BEST SELLER.
IN DEED.
