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Crying Out to God in Desperation

After a checkered past of abusive relationships it was when Katrina's pastor crossed the line with her sexually that she lost the will to go on. Read Transcript


Reporter: KATRINA SWEET

SPENT MOST OF HER LIFE

SEARCHING FOR STABILITY.

WHEN SHE WAS ONLY 11, HER

STEPFATHER BEGAN MOLESTING

HER.

HE TOLL MY INNOCENCE.

HE TOOK MY INNOCENCE FROM

ME.

HE TOOK MY ABILITY TO

TRUST.

I BECAME VERY AFRAID, AFRAID

TO DO THE SIMPLE THINGS.

AFRAID TO BE IN A ROOM BY

MYSELF.

AFRAID TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.

Reporter: CHURCH WAS

THE ONLY PLACE KATRINA FOUND

SOLACE.

I GREW UP IN CHURCH.

AND WHENEVER I WAS THERE, I

ALWAYS FELT THIS INCREDIBLE

PEACE.

Reporter: KATRINA

FINALLY TOLD HER MOTHER.

HER MOTHER REFUSED TO

LISTEN.

NO ONE SAID A WORD.

I FELT REJECTED.

I FELT ABANDONED BY MY

MOTHER.

I FELT THAT SHE WAS PLACING

HER HUSBAND OVER MY

PROTECTION AND MY SAFETY.

Reporter: THE PAIN

BECAME TOO MUCH, AND SHE

MOVED IN WITH HER

GRANDMOTHER.

HER ABUSER WAS GONE, BUT THE

PAIN LINGERED.

IT LEFT A VOID IN ME OF

WANTING TO BE LOVED, WANTING

TO BE AFFIRMED.

I WANTED SOMEONE TO LOOK AT

ME AS BEING SPECIAL.

SO THE FIRST GUY WHO SAID,

HEY, YOU'RE PRETTY, YOU'RE

BEAUTIFUL, THEN I GAVE

MYSELF TO HIM.

Reporter: BEFORE LONG,

KATRINA BECAME PREGNANT.

BY NOW SHE WAS TIRED,

CONFUSED, AND HURT.

SHE THOUGHT ABOUT THE PEACE

SHE FELT IN CHURCH AS A

CHILD, AND SHE GAVE HER LIFE

TO CHRIST.

OVER TIME, KATRINA'S FAITH

GREW.

SHE MARRIED A CHRISTIAN MAN

AND HAD ANOTHER CHILD.

SHE ALSO HELPED THE PASTOR

WITH SECRETARIAL WORK.

I SAW HIM AS A FATHER

FIGURE.

I SAW HIM AS SOMEONE THAT I

COULD TRUST.

Reporter: BUT SOON THAT

IMAGE WAS DESTROYED.

I WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

BY THE PASTOR.

I WAS DEVASTATED.

I THOUGHT CHURCH WAS

DIFFERENT.

I THOUGHT CHURCH PEOPLE WERE

DIFFERENT.

I REMEMBER PRAYING TO GOD,

SAYING, IF THIS IS WHAT

CHURCH IS LIKE, THEN I DON'T

WANT ANY.

I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF

IT.

Reporter: TO MAKE

THINGS WORSE, HER HUSBAND

DIDN'T BELIEVE HER.

HE REFUSED TO LEAVE THE

CHURCH.

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I

BLAMED MY MOTHER FOR NOT

PROTECTING ME OR PEOPLE IN

MY FAMILY.

WHEN THAT HAPPENED WITH THE

PASTOR, I DID -- I BLAMED

GOD.

Reporter: KATRINA

DIVORCED HER HUSBAND AND

LEFT WITH HER TWO CHILDREN.

AFTER THAT, SHE BECAME

INVOLVED IN A SERIES OF

RELATIONSHIPS.

EACH TIME SHE WANTED THE

SAME THING, TWO FEEL SAFE,

WANTED, LOVED.

ONE DAY SHE WAS WITH HER

BOYFRIEND WHEN HIS PHONE

RANG.

HE LOOKED AT THE CALLER

I.D., AND I SAID WHO WAS

THAT?

AND HE WHISPERED SOFTLY IN

MY EAR, AND HE SAID YOUR

REPLACEMENT.

YOUR REPLACEMENT.

I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE TO YOU

WHAT THAT DID TO ME AND HOW

THAT MADE ME FEEL.

I'M THINKING THE WHOLE TIME

HOW UGLY I WAS, HOW USELESS

I WAS.

I'M WITHOUT PURPOSE.

NO ONE WOULD EVER WANT YOU.

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE.

JUST END IT.

JUST END IT.

Reporter: KATRINA LEFT

THE HOUSE AND DROVE TO A

BRIDGE.

I REMEMBER SITTING IN MY

CAR, LOOKING AT THE BRIDGE,

THINKING THIS IS IT.

WHY NOT JUST END IT HERE.

SITTING IN THE CAR POUNDING

ON THE STEERING WHEEL.

WEEPING BECAUSE I FELT JUST

SO USELESS.

Reporter: BUT HER TEARS

WERE INTERRUPTED BY THOUGHTS

OF HER CHILDREN.

I ENVISION MY CHILDREN

SEEING MY BODY PULLED.

I DIDN'T WANT THAT IMAGE TO

BE WITH THEM FOR THE

REMAINDER OF THEIR LIVES.

Reporter: KATRINA KNEW

SHE NEEDED GOD.

I REMEMBER PRAYING ONE

WORD, I CRIED ONE WORD,

HELP.

HELP IS WHAT I SAID.

I FEEL LIKE GOD HEARD MY CRY

FOR HELP, AND I DIDN'T KNOW

HOW MY LIFE WAS GOING TO

TURN OUT.

I JUST HAD A SENSE THAT

EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE

OKAY.

Reporter: SHE FOUND A

CHURCH, AND A WOMAN THERE

INVITED HER TO A WOMEN'S

RETREAT.

THERE SHE REDEDICATED HER

LIFE TO CHRIST.

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT

ALL THEN, I DIDN'T HAVE THE

FULL PICTURE, BUT I KNEW AS

TIME WENT ON, GOD WAS WITH

ME.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, I KNEW

THAT I HAD A RELATIONSHIP

WITH HIM AND THAT HE WAS

WITH ME.

AND I WANTED TO LEARN AS

MUCH AS I COULD LEARN ABOUT

HIM.

Reporter: TODAY KATRINA

IS AN AUTHOR, MOTIVATIONAL

SPEAKER, AND FOUNDER OF A

NON-PROFIT CALLED "PAT."

SHE SAYS SHE IS GRATEFUL

THAT GOD HEALED HER

EMOTIONALLY SO THAT SHE CAN

SHARE CHRIST'S LOVE WITH

OTHERS.

I NEVER THOUGHT ANYTHING

GOOD WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.

I ONLY SAW GOOD THINGS

HAPPENING TO ANOTHER

PEOPLE.

I FEEL THAT GOD HAS RESTORED

EVERYTHING THAT I'VE LOST.

EVERYTHING THAT I THOUGHT

WOULDN'T BE, GOD HAS AND IS

MAKING IT INTO REALITY.

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