The Christian Broadcasting Network

Browse Videos

Share Email

700 Club Interactive: Brand New Start - June 1, 2015

What do you do when you can't get rid of the pain? How you can get your brand new start in life. Read Transcript


HER BROTHER TOOK HIS

LIFE, AND SHE COULD NOT

FORGIVE HERSELF.

I'M FEELING TOO ASHAMED

TO SAY ANYTHING WAS MY BIG

SECRET.

AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT

WAS MY BROTHER AND WANTING

TO, IN A SENSE, BE WITH

HIM.

HOW SHE GOT A BRAND NEW

START ON TODAY'S "700 CLUB

INTERACTIVE."

Gordon: ON "700 CLUB

INTERACTIVE," WE USE

TECHNOLOGY TO PRAY FOR EACH

OTHER AND EXPLORE TOPICS

THAT MATTER TO YOU.

WATCH WHAT GOD IS DOING IN

THE WORLD TODAY.

WELCOME TO "700 CLUB

INTERACTIVE."

I'M ANDREW KNOX, ALONG WITH

TERRY MEEUWSEN.

HERE ON THIS STORY, WE LOVE

THESE STORIES, ABOUT HOW GOD

HAS DONE AMAZING WORK

IN THE LIVES OF PEOPLE,

PEOPLE WITHOUT HOPE.

WE SEE THE NEWS FILLED WITH

REPORTS OF TEENAGERS TAKING

THEIR OWN LIVES, FROM

BULLYING TO DEPRESSION.

SUICIDE IS THE SECOND

LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH FOR

YOUNG AMERICANS.

Terry: JULIE ANN

JOHNSON WAS ONLY 17 WHEN HER

BROTHER KILLED HIMSELF.

SHE CARRIED THE GUILT OF HIS

DEATH THAT CAUSED HER TO

PLAN HER OWN, UNTIL SHE MET

A MAN WHO SHOWED HER THE WAY

TO A BRAND NEW START.

TO KIND OF COPE WITH ALL

OF THOSE FEELINGS THAT I WAS

EXPERIENCING, I STARTED

CUTTING.

FOR SOME REASON I FELT

RELIEVED.

I FELT LIKE MY LIFE WAS SO

COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY OUT

OF CONTROL THAT THIS KIND OF

PAIN, THE PAIN WHERE I COULD

LITERALLY SEE AND DO TO

MYSELF WAS SOMETHING I COULD

CONTROL.

AND YES, IT HURT, BUT IT

FELT LIKE I WAS REALLY

REGAINING SOME CONTROL OVER

MY LIFE.

MY BROTHER AND I GROWING UP

WERE THE TYPICAL

BROTHER-SISTER

RELATIONSHIP.

HE WAS THE MOST KINDHEARTED

PERSON I HAD EVER MET.

HE HAD STRAIGHT "A"s.

HE WAS AN ALL-STAR ATHLETE.

HE STARTED VARSITY FOOTBALL

WHEN HE WAS ONLY A FRESHMAN

IN HIGH SCHOOL.

HE WAS THE TYPICAL KIND OF

JOCK, THE POPULAR KID THAT

EVERYONE SEEMED TO LIKE.

IT WAS MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF

HIGH SCHOOL WHEN I GOT A

PHONE CALL THAT MY BROTHER

WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.

THAT HE HAD OVERDOSED ON HIS

LEFTOVER PAIN MEDICATION.

I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO

REACT.

UNFORTUNATELY, OUR BEST WAY

POSSIBLE WAS TO SWEEP IT

UNDER THE RUG BECAUSE WE

DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO

KNOW.

THAT SAME YEAR MY BROTHER

TOOK MY FATHER'S GUN AND HE

COMMITTED SUICIDE.

AND IT TORE MY WORLD APART.

MY BROTHER WAS EVERYTHING

THAT I HAD EVER KNOWN, AND I

NEVER PICTURED MY LIFE

WITHOUT HIM.

I FELT LIKE IT WAS ALL MY

FAULT.

KNOWING THAT HE WAS UPSET

AND NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT

IT, OR FEELING TOO ASHAMED

TO SAY ANYTHING, WAS MY BIG

SECRET, AND MY DEEPEST

BURDEN THAT I HAD CARRIED.

TO KIND OF COPE WITH ALL OF

THOSE FEELINGS THAT I WAS

EXPERIENCING, I DOVE DEEP

INTO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.

AND THEN I BEGAN TO START

SELF-MUTILATING MYSELF.

I STARTED CUTTING.

IT WASN'T LONG AFTER I BEGAN

CUTTING MYSELF THAT I FELT

LIKE IT WASN'T SATISFYING ME

ANYMORE.

AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT

WAS MY BROTHER.

AND WANTING TO IN A SENSE BE

WITH HIM.

AFTER MY 17th BIRTHDAY, I

MADE THE DECISION THAT I WAS

GOING TO END MY LIFE.

THERE WAS AN ASSEMBLY AT MY

SCHOOL.

DURING THE ASSEMBLY THE MAN

CAME OUT ON STAGE AND

STARTED TALKING ABOUT HIS

LIFE AND THE LOSS OF HIS

FATHER.

AND ALL OF THE THINGS THAT

CAME WITH IT.

THE FEELINGS, AS FAR AS THE

ALCOHOL, AND IT ALL SOUNDED

WAY TOO FAMILIAR.

IT FELT AS IF HE TOOK A

CHAPTER OUT OF MY BOOK AND

READ IT WORD FOR WORD.

I HONESTLY FELT THIS MAN

MIGHT BE THE ONLY PERSON IN

THE WORLD THAT KNEW I WAS

GOING THROUGH.

I KNEW I HAD TO AT LEAST

THANK HIM FOR COMING TO MY

SCHOOL.

HE INVITED ME TO A FRIDAY

NIGHT EVENT.

I WALKED IN AND I NOTICED

EVERYONE WAS WEARING

MATCHING T-SHIRTS.

AND I THINK, WHAT AM I DOING

HERE?

IT WAS A CHRISTIAN

CONVENTION.

I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT

GOD BEFORE, OTHER THAN BEING

ANGRY.

IF HE WAS REAL, WHY DIDN'T

HE HELP MY BROTHER?

AND THE SAME GUY THAT CAME

TO MY SCHOOL GOT UP ON

STAGE, COME TO FIND OUT HE

WAS A PASTOR.

AND HE STARTED TALKING ABOUT

GOD.

AND THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME

IN MY LIFE THAT GOD LOVED ME

WHERE I WAS AT.

BUT HEARING THAT GOD COULD

LOVE ME THROUGH ALL OF MY

MISTAKES, THAT GOD COULD

LOVE ME WHEN I COULDN'T LOVE

MYSELF, WAS HUGE.

THERE WAS THIS CHANGE THAT I

FELT IN MY HEART.

GETTING TO KNOW THIS MAN

NAMED JESUS.

I FELT AS IF THERE MIGHT

HAVE BEEN POSSIBILITY FOR

HAPPINESS.

I WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT

THIS PERSON THAT COULD LOVE

ME WHEN I FELT THAT I WAS

THIS DISGUSTING, THIS LOW

SCUM OF A HUMAN BEING.

I STOPPED DRINKING AND I

STOPPED GOING TO PARTIES.

I REALIZED THAT I WAS SO

MUCH BETTER THAN I WAS

PUTTING IN MY BODY OR WHAT I

WAS DOING TO MY BODY.

AND THAT IF JESUS COULD LOVE

ME, THAT I COULD BEGIN TO

LOVE MYSELF.

I FOUND OUT ABOUT JESUS, HIS

IMMENSE LOVE FOR ME.

TERRY, I'M REMINDED IN

THAT STORY WHAT JESUS SAID

IN THE BOOK OF JOHN, THAT

WHOEVER COMES TO ME, I WILL

NEVER DRIVE AWAY.

AND THAT STORY IS SUCH A

REMINDER NOT ONLY OF THE

LOVE JESUS HAS FOR US, BUT

THE PAIN THAT PEOPLE ARE

IN.

HER PAIN WAS SOGRADE GREAT

SO GREAT SHE HAD TO CUT.

IT WAS THE CONTROL SHE COULD

HAVE.

Terry: YOU KNOW, IT IS

ALSO, I THINK, SUCH AN

EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

SOMEONE IN A FAMILY TAKES

THEIR LIVES.

LOTS OF TIMES PEOPLE DON'T

EVEN REALIZE THAT THEY'RE AT

THE POINT OF CONSIDERING

SOMETHING THAT SERIOUS.

HER BROTHER HAD MADE AN

ATTEMPT ONCE BEFORE, BUT,

STILL, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN

SOMEBODY IS IN DEEP

DEPRESSION AND YOU CAN'T

SEEM TO HELP THEM OUT.

SOMETIMES THAT'S A CHEMICAL

IMBALANCE.

SOMETIMES THERE ARE THINGS

IN THEIR LIVES THAT NO ONE

ELSE KNOWS ABOUT.

IT'S A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO

WHAT IS USUALLY A TEMPORARY

PROBLEM, BUT IT LEAVES THE

FAMILY AND THE FRIENDS

BEHIND WITH NO ANSWERS AND

TREMENDOUS GUILT, AS SHE

EXPRESSED IN WHAT SHE WAS

SHARING.

AND I THINK -- YOU KNOW, ONE

OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPENS

IS WE START SAYING, THERE

HAS TO BE MORE TO LIFE.

I WASN'T AT A PLACE OF

TAKING MY OWN LIFE, BUT I

WAS AT A PLACE IN MY OWN

LIFE, BEFORE I MET CHRIST,

OF JUST WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

WHAT AM I HERE FOR?

IF THERE IS NOT MORE THAN

THIS, WHAT'S THE POINT?

BUT IT OPENED MY HEART TO

HEARING, SOMEBODY, PLEASE

TELL ME THERE IS MORE THAN

THIS.

YOU SEE THAT IN HER LIFE.

AND YET THE TRAGIC LOSS OF

SOMEONE SO CLOSE IS A HEART

MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB OVER.

THE LORD SAVES THE

BROKENHEARTED AND LOVES

THOSE CRUSHED IN THE

SPIRIT.

I HAVE A DEAR, DEAR FRIEND

OF MINE WHO'S MOM TOOK HER

OWN LIFE.

I TRY TO URGE HIM TO

REMEMBER THAT JESUS IS A MAN

OF SORROWS.

IN THE BIBLE, THERE ARE AT

LEAST THREE TIMES IN WHICH

HE WEPT.

HE KNOWS FEELING AS WE DO.

Terry: THOSE ARE THE

PLACES THAT YOU HAVE TO GO

FOR COMFORT.

HE IS THE ONE YOU HAVE TO GO

TO FOR COMFORT IN THOSE

PLACES WHERE THERE IS NO

EASY ANSWER.

THERE IS NOT AN EASY ANSWER

TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE TAKING

THEIR LIFE.

JUST THE LOSS OF THEIR

PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE, MUCH

LESS THE CHOICE OF THEIRS TO

GO AWAY.

I THINK WHEN SOMEONE TAKES

THEIR OWN LIFE, THEY ARE NOT

IN THEIR RIGHT MIND.

I DON'T THINK SOMEONE DOES

THAT WILLINGLY UNLESS

THEY'RE REALLY IN A

DISTRAUGHT PLACE.

AND JULIE ANN SAID, I

NEVER KNEW I COULD BE LOVED

IN MY CONDITION.

IT IS A GREAT REMINDER.

WE DON'T NEED TO FIX

OURSELVES UP BEFORE WE

APPROACH JESUS.

HE TAKES US WHERE WE ARE AND

WE GROW IN HIM.

LIKE THE WOMAN WHO WAS

BLEEDING FOR 12 YEARS, AND

SHE SAID, IF I COULD JUST

TOUCH HIS CLOAK, THE CLOAK

OF JESUS, IT WILL HEAL ME.

Terry: AND IT IS NOT

ONLY WE DON'T HAVE TO FIX

OURSELVES UP, WE REALLY

CAN'T.

WE ARE SUCH A MESS UNTIL WE

COME TO THE LORD THAT WE

DON'T REALLY HAVE THE

CAPACITY TO STRAIGHTEN THAT

ALL OUT.

I MEAN, JESUS CAME BECAUSE

WE NEED A SAVIOR.

AND AS WE GROW IN OUR

FAITH, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE

TIMES AGAIN, WHILE WE'RE

CHRISTIANS AND WE KNOW

JESUS, WE'RE GOING TO SAY,

LORD, I'M STILL A MESS IN

THIS AREA AND THIS AREA.

IT IS THAT CONSTANT WALK

WHERE GOD CONTINUES TO CARRY

US THROUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE STRUCK

ME IN THIS STORY, THIS WAS

ONE TEENAGER AT A HIGH

SCHOOL ASSEMBLY, AND THE GUY

TOOK TIME TO TALK TO HER, TO

LOOK HER IN THE EYE, AND TO

INVITE HER TO A FRIDAY NIGHT

MEETING.

THAT'S A WORD FOR ALL OF

US.

SEE THE PEOPLE THAT GOD PUTS

IN YOUR PATH.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO EXTEND AN

INVITATION TO THEM OR A

PRAYER TO THEM OR A FEW

MINUTES' TIME.

IT CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

AND TO SEE THEM, TO

LOOK.

IT IS THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING

AT WHO NEEDS HELP AND WHO

NEEDS A TOUCH FROM GOD.

THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO

HAVE WRITTEN US.

WE'VE RECEIVED QUESTIONS

FROM OUR VIEWERS, AND

CRISTINA IS ONE.

SHE SAYS, "MY MOTHER KILLED

HERSELF WHEN I WAS ONLY 10

YEARS OLD.

MY SISTER AND I CAME HOME

FROM SCHOOL AND FOUND HER

HANGING FROM THE BANISTER.

IT DEVASTATED MY FAMILY AND

WE ALL FELT GUILTY.

WE KNEW SHE WAS DEPRESSED,

BUT NEVER THOUGHT SHE WOULD

COMMIT SUICIDE.

I'M A BELIEVER AND HAVE

GIVEN IT ALL TO GOD, AND HE

HAS HEALED MY HEART.

BUT MY SISTER AND FATHER

HAVE NOT.

THEY ARE STILL HAVING A HARD

TIME COPING WITH THE LOSS OF

MY MOTHER, AND IT HAS BEEN

OVER 15 YEARS.

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP THEM

WORK THROUGH THEIR GUILT AND

LOSS?"

TERRY, PERHAPS ONE THING TO

CONSIDER IS EVERYBODY

GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY.

AND THOSE IN HER FAMILY WHO

ARE STILL, 15 YEARS LATER

DEALING WITH THIS, WILL

CONTINUE TO GRIEVE.

FOR SOME IT IS NEVER TALKING

ABOUT IT.

FOR OTHERS, IT IS TALKING

ABOUT IT A LOT.

PERHAPS SHE CAN JUST BE

THERE.

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT

PRESENCE, THE MINISTRY OF

PRESENCE, JUST BEING THERE

AND LISTENING.

Terry: AND PRAYING.

CHRISTINE SAYS SHE IS A

BELIEVER.

YOU DON'T SAY WHETHER YOUR

FATHER AND YOUR SIBLING ARE,

BUT, YOU KNOW, SHARE THAT I

SEE YOU HURTING AND IT HURTS

ME.

AND I FOUND FREEDOM AND I

WANT YOU TO FIND THAT, TOO.

YOU KNOW, THERE IS SUCH A

FREEDOM.

AND I THINK SHE HITS ON A

VERY GOOD THING, THE GUILT

OF IT.

YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE

YOURSELF.

WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO KILL

THEMSELVES, THEY'RE GOING TO

KILL THEMSELVES.

YOU CAN'T TRAIL AROUND

BEHIND SOMEBODY 24/7.

DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE WAS

DEPRESSED?

YES.

WOULD YOU GUESS THAT?

WELL, NO.

LOTS OF PEOPLE SUFFER FROM

DEPRESSION AND DON'T GO TO

THIS LENGTH.

AND I THINK FORGIVING

OURSELVES IS SOMETIMES

HARDER THAN FORGIVING

SOMEONE ELSE, BUT IT'S A

GREAT FIRST STEP.

AND I THINK PART OF

HELPING PEOPLE THROUGH

GRIEF, WHETHER FRIENDS OR

FAMILY -- SHE SAID IT HAS

BEEN 15 YEARS, BUT IN A

SENSE THAT'S NOT VERY LONG,

AND THIS WILL ALWAYS BE WITH

THE FAMILY.

AND IT IS GOING TO TAKE

GREAT PATIENCE WITH EACH

OTHER WHEN THAT PAIN IS

STIRRED FROM VARIOUS

MEMORIES THAT FLOOD EACH

PERSON.

Terry: AND WHEN IT IS

SOMEONE IN A ROLE AS

SIGNIFICANT AS A MOTHER,

MEMORIES ARE GOING TO COME.

PAIN IS GOING TO COME.

AND AS YOU SAID, IT'S

SOMETHING THAT THE HOLY

SPIRIT, THE COMFORTER --

JESUS SAID HE IS THE

COMFORTER -- WILL INTERCEDE

AND HELP THIS FAMILY, NO

MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.

AND WE HAVE HEARD FROM SANDY

WHO WROTE US, "MY PARENTS

DIVORCED SEVERAL YEARS AGO,

AND I HAD TO TESTIFY ON MY

MOTHER'S BEHALF THAT MY

FATHER HAD BEEN ABUSIVE.

I WAS ONLY 15 AT THE TIME,

AND ALL I CAN REMEMBER IS MY

DAD GLARING AT ME THE ENTIRE

TIME WITH HATE.

I'M NOW 22 AND CAN'T STOP

RELIVING THAT DAY IN MY

MIND.

I FEEL GUILTY, BUT I KNOW I

DID THE RIGHT THING.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MOVE

FORWARD.

WHAT CAN I DO?"

TERRY, I WOULD THINK PART OF

THE PAIN HERE IS THAT DADDY

-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP WHICH

IS SO IMPORTANT, SO SPECIAL,

AND IF SHE FEELS SHE LET HIM

DOWN, EVEN IF IT WAS THE

RIGHT THING,.

THING --

Terry: IT'S SO

INTERESTING, THAT THERE IS

SOMETHING IN US THAT MAKES

US TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR

OTHER PEOPLE'S INAPPROPRIATE

BEHAVIOR.

THERE IS A DAD WHO SHOULD

HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF HIS

WIFE AND HIS DAUGHTER.

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT

YOU FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE YOU

WERE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF

THAT.

THERE YOU ARE ASKED TO BE

THE KEY WITNESS TO SAYING,

YES, THIS REALLY WENT ON.

AND TO HAVE YOUR DAD GLARING

AT YOU WITH HATRED.

THAT WOULD BE A HARSH MEMORY

FOR ANYBODY TO GO THROUGH,

ANYBODY.

BUT I THINK WHAT YOU SAY IS

TRUE, THAT SOMETIMES IF YOU

CAN STEP OUTSIDE THE PAIN OF

THAT AND THINK THROUGH

LOGICALLY WHAT HAPPENED, YOU

KNOW, GOD USED YOU TO SET

YOUR FAMILY FREE FROM THAT.

YOUR DAD WAS INAPPROPRIATE

IN HIS BEHAVIOR.

AND SO TAKING A STAND FOR

THAT IS A RIGHTEOUS THING TO

DO.

EVEN THOUGH YOU FEEL GUILTY

ABOUT IT.

SOMETIMES IF YOU CAN WORK

YOUR WAY BACKWARDS, BACK TO

THE TRUTH OF THAT, AND ASK

THE LORD TO HELP YOU WORK

THROUGH THAT, YOU'D GET

FREE.

AND IT IS ANOTHER

CHALLENGE OF BEING A CHILD

OF DIVORCE.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS SEVEN

YEARS OLD AND MY PARENTS SAT

ME DOWN AND TOLD ME DAD'S

LEAVING.

I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS

YESTERDAY.

AND CHILDREN OF DIVORCE

CARRY ALL KINDS OF THINGS

FORWARD.

AND WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU

HAVE LET DAD DOWN, THAT'S A

LOT TO CARRY.

Terry: AND EVERY CHILD

FEELS LIKE THEY'VE MET DAD

OR MOM DOWN, IF DAD OR MOM

DECIDES TO LEAVE.

IT IS LIKE, WHAT WAS WRONG

WITH ME THAT I WASN'T ENOUGH

FOR YOU TO STAY?

IT COLORS THE CHOICES THAT

WE MAKE.

IT COLORS THE WAY WE SEE

OURSELVES.

IT COLORS SOMETIMES WHAT WE

ALLOW OURSELVES TO DO OR

BECOME IN LIFE.

BUT GOD HAS A PLAN, A BIGGER

PLAN.

YOU HAVE BEEN SET FREE FROM

THAT IN YOUR OWN LIFE, BUT I

BET IT WAS A JOURNEY.

YEAH.

AND I HAD A -- I HAD SOMEONE

PRAY OVER ME MUCH, AND THIS

INDIVIDUAL SAID, GOD IS

DOING HEART SURGERY ON YOU,

AND HE IS YOUR FATHER.

IT WAS A REAL TURNING

POINT.

Terry: AND THAT IS TRUE

FOR THIS YOUNG WOMAN WHO

WROTE AS WELL.

GOD IS YOUR FATHER.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

STILL AHEAD, A YOUNG MOM

CARRYING A DARK SECRET.

I JUST REALLY STUFFED

THAT AS FAR BACK AS

POSSIBLE, THINKING IF I

DON'T TALK ABOUT IT, IF I

DON'T DEAL WITH IT, IT'S NOT

GOING TO COME UP.

Terry: HOW SHE UNPACKED

THE PAST AND FOUND A BRAND

NEW START AFTER THIS.

Terry: WHEN POLY WRIGHT

WAS ONLY SEVEN, SHE SUFFERED

AN UNIMAGINABLE TRAUMA.

SHE CARRIED THE PAIN HER

WHOLE LIFE, FINDING

SOLACE IN DRINKING AND

STRIPPING.

SHE COULDN'T ESCAPE HER

PAST.

AND THEN SHE FINALLY HEARD A

VOICE THAT GAVE HER A BRAND

NEW START.

SHAME KEPT ME SILENT FROM

MY RAPE.

SHAME KEPT ME SILENT FROM

BEING SEXUAL ABUSED BECAUSE

I HAD THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT I

DESERVED.

AT JUST SEVEN YEARS OLD,

POLLY WRIGHT BEGAN CARRYING

A SECRET.

WHEN YOUR INNOCENCE IS

TAKEN AT A VERY YOUNG AGE,

SOMETHING BREAKS.

LITTLE GIRLS ARE NOT MADE

FOR SEX.

Reporter: POLLY WAS TOO

ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP.

SHE COULDN'T TRUST ANYONE

EXCEPT HERSELF.

I STARTED DABBLING IN

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL WHEN I WAS

ABOUT 11, AND I STARTED DOWN

A BAD SPIRAL.

DURING A DRUG DEAL WHEN I

WAS 14, I WAS THE PAYMENT

FOR DRUGS.

I WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING,

JUST A BAG OF POT.

THE FEAR WAS TERRIFYING.

Reporter: TIRED OF

BEING USED FOR SEX, POLLY

SAW AN OPPORTUNITY TO TURN

THE TABLES ON MEN BY DANCING

AT A STRIP CLUB.

FOR ONCE SHE DIDN'T FEEL THE

NEED TO BE ASHAMED.

I WENT THERE AND I REALLY

HAD THE SENSE I WOULD BE

ABLE TO CONTROL THESE MEN,

THAT THIS IS MY CHANCE TO BE

ABLE TO TELL THEM, YOU CAN

TOUCH ME, OR NO YOU CAN'T.

AND IF YOU DO, YOU'RE GOING

TO PAY ME FOR IT.

I'D HAVE TO BE DRUNK TO

DANCE.

AND THEN I WOULD DANCE AND I

WOULD BE WASTED.

AND THEN I WOULD LEAVE AND I

WOULD GO HOME WITH SOME GUY

OR JUST GO HOME AND DRINK

UNTIL I PASS OUT.

FOR POLLY, THE MONEY WAS

GOOD.

BUT AFTER A FEW YEARS OF THE

LIFESTYLE AND SLEEPING WITH

COUNTLESS MEN, THE SHAME

CAME BACK.

IT IS LIKE A POISON THAT

JUST SITS INSIDE OF YOU AND

ROTS EVERY PART OF YOUR

SOUL.

IT COMPOUNDED SO MUCH, I

WOULD HAVE THOUGHTS OF

DEATH.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE

ANYMORE BECAUSE WHAT'S THE

POINT?

Reporter: AFTER DANCING

ONE NIGHT, POLLY SAT IN HER

CAR WITH A GUN ON HER LAP

WITH THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE ON

HER MIND.

I TOOK THE GUN, AND AFTER

JUST ALL THOSE YEARS OF JUST

NOT THINKING THAT I'M WORTH

ANYTHING TO BE ALIVE.

I DROVE AROUND WITH THE GUN

IN MY LAP, WITH EVERY

INTENTION TO TAKE MY LIFE.

POLLY DIDN'T PULL THE

TRIGGER THAT DAY.

SHE QUIT DANCING, CHECKED

HERSELF INTO REHAB AND MOVED

OUT OF STATE, TRYING TO RUN

FROM HER PROBLEMS.

SHE EVEN MET A MAN AND SOON

GOT MARRIED.

AND WITHIN NINE MONTHS OF

MEETING, WE GOT ENGAGED, GOT

PREGNANT, MOVED OUR WEDDING

UP, AND ENDED UP HAVING TWIN

BABY GIRLS.

Reporter: POLLY TRIED

HER BEST TO BE A NORMAL WIFE

AND MOTHER, BUT WAS STILL

HAUNTED BY THE SHAME OF HER

PAST.

HAVING THE REALIZATION OF

WHAT THE ABUSE HAD DONE TO

ME, I REALLY STUFFED THAT AS

FAR BACK AS POSSIBLE, AND

THINKING IF I DON'T TALK

ABOUT IT, IF I DON'T DEAL

WITH IT, IT'S NOT GOING TO

COME UP.

BUT WHAT THAT DID IN MY

MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND, IT

WOULD GO WHERE I COULDN'T

EVEN GIVE MYSELF TO HIM.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE

TOUCHED.

I COULDN'T HAVE SEX.

AND AT HOME, I CAN'T SEEM TO

EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.

AND THAT DEPRESSION -- IT'S

SO SELF-CONSUMING THAT YOU

CAN'T EVEN GIVE YOURSELF TO

LOVE PROPERLY.

AFTER YEARS OF THE SHAME AND

AFTER YEARS OF THE LIES,

POLLY'S HUSBAND ENCOURAGED

HER TO GO TO CHURCH.

I'M SITTING THERE, AND

THE WOMEN WALK US THROUGH

THIS EXERCISE.

SO WE'RE PICTURING JESUS,

AND I'M PICTURING HIM AND I

AM TAKING MY HAIR, AND WITH

MY TEARS WASHING HIS FEET.

BUT HEARING HIS VOICE SAYING

YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE MY

DAUGHTER.

AND EVERYTHING IN YOUR PAST

HAS BEEN FORGIVEN.

AND I LOVE YOU.

AND THAT BROKE ME.

AND I GOT UP FROM THAT

BECAUSE I COULDN'T SIT AT

HIS FEET ANYMORE BECAUSE I

DID NOT FEEL THAT.

I DID NOT FEEL WORTHY FOR

HIS LOVE.

Reporter: BUT THAT

STARTED POLLY ON A JOURNEY,

ONE SHE HAD NEVER BEEN ON

BEFORE.

AND ONE BY ONE THE LIES AND

THE SHAME SHE LIVED WITH ALL

OF HER LIFE BEGAN TO FALL.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS

WORTHY OF ANYTHING.

TO HAVE LOVE?

TO HAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL

FAMILY?

TO HAVE A MARRIAGE THAT IS

WORTH FIGHTING FOR?

WORTHY TO BE LOVED?

AND TO KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE

IS?

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT.

SO THAT WORD BROUGHT ME TO

MY KNEES.

AND WHEN CHRIST HELD MY FACE

AND SAID, YOU ARE WORTHY,

YOU ARE A WORTHY DAUGHTER OF

A KING AND I LOVE YOU, IT

SPED UP TIME.

I THOUGHT I WAS DIRTY

BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE SEX I

HAD AND ALL OF THE MEN THAT

I LET TOUCH ME.

AND GOD WOULD SAY, YOU ARE

PURE, AND I PURIFY YOU.

THERE IS NO OTHER FREEDOM.

NOTHING CAN GIVE YOU FREEDOM

LIKE THAT.

AND THERE IS REALLY, FOR ME,

NO WORDS FOR IT.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

Terry: POLLY

EXEMPLIFIES WHAT WE TALKED

ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT

HEALING, THAT IT IS A

PROCESS, YOU KNOW.

AND SOMETIMES IT BEGINS WITH

GOING THROUGH A DOOR THAT

GOD OPENS, LIKE SHE DID,

GOING TO THE CHURCH

MEETING.

AND HEARING A WORD.

ONE WORD, WORTHY, THAT

RESONATED IN HER HEART AND

MIND.

AND IT BEGAN TO CAUSE ALL OF

THESE THINGS THAT SHE FELT,

ALL OF THE PAST TO SURFACE.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN STUFF AND

STUFF AND STUFF ALL YOU

WANT, BUT IN THE END IT WILL

COME BACK IF YOU DON'T DEAL

WITH IT.

LET JESUS DEAL WITH IT FOR

YOU.

HE IS NOT ASKING YOU TO WALK

DOWN THAT PAINFUL ROAD DOWN

YOURSELF.

HE IS SAYING, TAKE MY HAND.

I'M GOING TO GO BEFORE YOU.

I'M GOING TO LEAD YOU.

I AM THE LORD YOUR HEALER.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

HE IS THE CLEFT IN THE ROCK,

THE PLACE WHERE WE CAN GO TO

WHEN THINGS START GOING

APART.

HE DOESN'T JUST HEAL US.

HE IS THE HEALING.

AND HE CAN DO THAT FOR YOU,

TOO.

I WANT TO SHARE SOME OF THE

REQUESTS IF OUR VIEWERS.

TERRY, WE HAVE A LOT OF

PEOPLE POSTING ON

Facebook.

MARY ANN POSTS, "I AM THE

REASON WHY MY KIDS ARE

HURTING AND MY FAMILY IS

BROKEN.

WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP, I

WAS VERY HARD ON THEM AND

NOT A NURTURING MOTHER.

NOW I'M ELDERLY AND REALIZE

THE MISTAKES I'VE MADE, YET

THEY DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO

DO WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELATE

TO THEM OR HOW TO MAKE UP

FOR MY PAST MISTAKES.

PLEASE PRAY GOD WILL GIVE US

A NEW START.

I WANT TO HAVE THEM IN MY

LIFE AND I HOPE THAT IT IS

NOT TOO LATE FOR A

MIRACLE."

RANDY WRITES IN, "MY LIFE IS

FALLING APART.

18 MONTHS AGO I LOST MY JOB,

AND A YEAR AGO MY WIFE LEFT

ME.

AND THEN JUST A FEW MONTHS

AGO, THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I

HAVE CANCER.

I FEEL SO DEPRESSED AND SO

DISCOURAGED.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE

WITH ALL OF THIS.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TO CATCH

A BREAK."

TERRY?

Terry: WOW, LET ME

START BY PRAYING FOR MARY

ANN.

I'M A FIRM BELIEVER IF YOU

HAVE BROKEN COMMUNICATIONS

WITH LOVED ONES, WRITING A

LETTER, THAT'S SOMETHING

THEY CAN RE-READ AS THEY

PROCESS THROUGH THE

BITTERNESS IN THEIR HEARTS,

WHICH IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY

HAVE.

AND THEN FIND WHOLENESS

WHERE YOU'RE AT.

YOU CAN'T FORCE SOMEONE

ELSE'S BEHAVIOR TO CHANGE

BECAUSE YOURS HAS

CHAIMPLED.

CHANGED.

CAN I PRAY FOR YOU RIGHT

NOW?

FATHER, I JUST ASK THAT YOU

TOUCH MARY ANN, AS SHE PRAYS

FOR HER CHILDREN, AND AS SHE

PUTS BEFORE YOU THE THINGS

SHE WANTS CHANGED, AND AS

SHE ACKNOWLEDGES YOU ARE THE

LORD, HER HEALER.

LORD, I PRAY THAT YOU BRING

A MIGHTY WORK IN THE LIVES

OF HER CHILDREN.

AND GUIDE HER INTO PLACES

RIGHT NOW, AT THE PLACE

WHERE SHE IS AT, WHERE SHE

CAN LOVE OTHERS, HER

NEIGHBORS, NEIGHBORHOOD

KIDS, OTHER PEOPLE THAT COME

INTO HER LIFE.

I PRAY YOU GIVE HER A

TENDERNESS THAT SHE HAS NOT

EVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE.

THAT HER HOPE AND PEACE

COULD BE IN YOU.

IN JESUS' NAME.

AMEN.

AND LET'S PRAY FOR

RANDY.

TERRY AND JESS AND I STAND

IN THE GAP FOR RANDY.

WITH HIS CANCER DIAGNOSIS

AND THE LOSS OF JOB, LOSS OF

HIS FAMILY.

WE SPEAK TO RANDY'S

SITUATION AND SAY, DON'T

GIVE UP HOPE.

AS POLLY SAID IN HER STORY,

SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF A

KING.

RANDY, YOU ARE THE SON OF A

KING.

AND HE HAS HIS RESOURCES

AVAILABLE FOR YOU.

AND FOR ALL OF THOSE

WATCHING THIS PROGRAM WHO

ARE IN A FEELING OF DIRE

STRAITS, WITH THEIR CAREER,

WITH THEIR MARRIAGE, FEELING

HOPELESS, HOLY SPIRIT, WE

ASK YOU TO DO YOUR WORK AND

INTERCEDE AND COMFORT AND

PROVIDE WISDOM, AS JESUS

PROMISED YOU WOULD.

REBUILD LIVES.

REBUILD RANDY'S LIFE AND

REVEAL YOURSELF, LORD, IN A

WAY HE NEVER IMAGINED.

IN JESUS' NAME WE PRAY.

AMEN.

Terry: AMEN.

COMING UP, A GLASS

OF SUGAR WATER.

SOMETIMES THAT'S ALL THIS

SINGLE MOM IN OUR NEXT STORY

HAD TO FEED HER FOUR

CHILDREN.

BUT NOW HER FAMILY NEVER

GOES HUNGRY THANKS TO

VIEWERS LIKE YOU.

Reporter: GUADALUPE

PROMISED HERSELF SHE WOULD

NEVER LET HER CHILDREN GO

HUNGRY.

BUT SHE WAS FORCED TO BREAK

THAT PROMISE AGAIN AND

AGAIN.

THIS SINGLE MOTHER OF FOUR

WORKS SIX MONTHS OUT OF THE

YEAR IN THE SUGAR CANE

FIELDS OF EL SALVADOR, BUT

THE MONEY FROM THAT JOB

DOESN'T LAST.

SOMETIMES CARLOS, THE

OLDEST, GO HUNTING WITH AN

OLD SLING SHOT.

OTHER DAYS HE LOOKS FOR ODD

JOBS.

FOR EXAMPLE, IN EXCHANGE FOR

CUTTING FRUIT FROM A TALL

TREE, A NEIGHBOR GAVE CARLOS

A SINGLE EGG AS HIS

PAYMENT.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING

THAT DAY.

I GAVE IT TO MY MOM SO MY

LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS

COULD EAT.

Reporter: ONE OF THE

FIRST THINGS THAT "OPERATION

BLESSING" DID WHEN WE CAME

TO THE COMMUNITY WAS TO GIVE

GUADALUPE AND HER FAMILY

SOME FOOD.

WE THEN GAVE THEM A LARGE

CHICKEN COUP AND GAVE THEM

75 CHICKEN HENS TO START A

BUSINESS.

IT IS SO GOOD THAT

SOMEONE HELPED US.

OUR LIVES ARE CHANGING.

MY KIDS ARE HAPPY AND I

AM HAPPY.

IN JUST THREE MONTHS,

GUADALUPE HAS TURNED A

PROFIT FROM THE NEW

BUSINESS, TURNING EGGS AND

CHICKENS.

WE DON'T GO TO BED HUNGRY

ANYMORE.

THANKS "OPERATION

BLESSING."

GOD BLESS YOU.

FOLKS LIKE YOU ARE

HELPING OTHERS ALL THE WAY

IN EL SALVADOR.

AND I'VE BEEN A CBN PARTNER

FOR YEARS, AND ONE OF THE

REASONS I AM IS BECAUSE OF

THE WORK OF "OPERATION

BLESSING."

AND YOU CAN BE A PART OF

IT.

GIVE US A CALL AT

1-888-777-1999.

OR YOU CAN LOG ON TO

CBN.COM.

TERRY?

Terry: WE WANT TO SHARE

THIS SCRIPTURE AS WE LEAVE

OUR TIME TOGETHER.

IT IS 1 PETER 1-3: "ALL

PRAISE TO GOD, THE FATHER OF

OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

IT IS BY HIS GREAT MERCY WE

HAVE BEEN BORN AGAIN BECAUSE

GOD RAISED JESUS CHRIST FROM

THE DEAD.

NOW WE LIVE WITH GREAT

EXPECTATION."

WE HOPE THAT THAT IS THE

TRUTH YOU TAKE AWAY FROM

THIS PROGRAM TODAY.

IN HIM IS OUR HEART AND OUR

ABILITY TO LIVE WITH

EMBED THIS VIDEO


CBN.com | Do You Know Jesus? | Privacy Notice | Prayer Requests | Support CBN | Contact Us | Feedback
© 2012 Christian Broadcasting Network