Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe draw inspiration from their own marriage to outline 7 stages, or “rings,†that will equip couples for a healthy marriage.??
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Well joining us now is the
happily married Bledsoe's.
And it's great to have you here.
And it's the day
after Valentine's Day.
And so all the romance is
gone, and now what do you do?
Exactly, I agree.
Now we look at it and
sometimes you say,
oh man, Valentine Day's over.
Our job is over as a husband.
Well actually, no it's not.
We continue to have
to love our wives,
continue to have
to serve our wives.
So I'm encouraging
some guys out there
to now really go to
work on loving her.
It's interesting you
say my job is over.
As if there were some
task to it and the task
is now accomplished.
And I hear that a lot and
I think guys think that.
Well I went and pursued,
we dated, we got engaged,
we got married, I
told you I loved you.
I bought you flowers,
I brought you candy.
What more do you want?
Right.
And not realizing that
the jobs never over.
And it's not really a job.
If you look at it that way,
it's not a relationship anymore.
Yup, exactly.
There's a bunch of transactions
there, that you listed.
But our marriage is
not a transaction.
Our marriage is two people
growing closer to one another
and growing closer to
God at the same time.
So we have to really be
careful of kind of score
keeping on those things.
I did this, I did
that, I did this.
But instead, am I serving her?
Am I loving her?
Am I receiving the things
that she's blessing me with,
in a way that shows love to her?
Am I speaking her love language?
And you're not just
talking hypothetically.
You're talking because
you went through it.
And you went through some
very difficult times.
And I've got to ask you,
why did you stay with him?
I think at the end of the day,
it was because of the covenant
that we made.
It was not just
between Jackie and I,
but there was this sense of I
made this promise to the Lord
that I would love this
man and be with him
for the rest of my life.
So if we go separate ways,
then I'm letting the Lord down.
So when nothing else held me
to him, that covenant did.
For you, what was
the worst time?
Where you really
had to say, oh no.
One?
No.
Which worse time?
I would say the worst time
was being homeless as a family.
It was heartbreaking to not know
what our next steps would be.
Not just as adults, but
we had a little person
that was depending on us.
And so to not know
where our next meal was
going to come from
or exactly where we
would be sleeping was hugely--
How did you get there?
Well thankfully the Lord
placed people in our lives
that loved us and opened
their homes to us.
And we stayed in bedrooms,
all three of us, in a bedroom.
Or we stayed on the basement
floor of people that loved us.
So he never left us.
We didn't go without,
although we didn't have
a home that was our own home.
Yeah.
Jackie what was it
like for you then?
I know men really have
this, I'm the provider.
And what did you go through?
Yeah a lot of
times, we identify
with how well we're providing
for our family or our career.
Right, we get status from that.
Yup.
It was devastating for me.
I felt just as a failure.
You know, honestly, I felt
that I failed my family,
I failed my wife, my kids.
And that I didn't
uphold the promises
that I had made to her.
I don't uphold my word.
And that's through-- it
started because of a job loss.
And I felt like, wow I
couldn't keep the job.
I didn't do well enough
to manage our money,
so that way when
the job was lost,
that we'd at least have
something set aside
to live off of.
So it was really,
really difficult.
And very, very shameful.
I didn't really, even
after we came through it,
I didn't want to talk about it.
Until probably within the
last year or so, and then
God just wouldn't let
me not because of what
he did during that time period.
How have you
gotten to the point
where you can talk about it?
And can say OK, this
is what happened to me.
For me, just trying to
imagine that I would
wonder how I could show up.
And I wouldn't want to show up.
So how did you
continue to show up?
What got you through that?
Yeah I was the same way.
And then there was a point
where I would go through
and I'm like, there was
some woe is me moments.
Like why is this
happening Lord, why?
Why?
And then I finally
got to the point
where I realized that what he
was allowing us to go through,
because he allowed it, was
actually not just for us.
So yes, we were going to
come out-- he assured us,
we were going to come out of it.
But I'm doing something
in you that I want
to share with someone else.
To give them hope, to
give them encouragement.
And to show me, ultimately.
And when I say me, I'm
talking about Christ.
So it was your faith
that got you through?
Definitely.
Definitely.
You couldn't just duck out.
You couldn't say well, I failed
and it's time for a reboot.
You couldn't because
of your faith.
You couldn't leave
because of your faith.
Absolutely.
And so that seems to
be the center thing
that you get from the
book, that without Jesus
in the center of a marriage.
All marriages go
through struggles,
all marriages go through trials.
And it is-- you get to
that love is a decision.
And in this case it's a
decision I made a few years ago.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And here I am.
And now how do I get through it?
Yes.
What would you
tell wives out there
that are facing just
that emotional, what
have I done moment.
For me, the Lord gave me a
scripture early on in marriage.
And I didn't really realize
how much of a corner stone
So you were prepared?
She didn't know it though.
I didn't know what he
was preparing me for.
But it is Galatians 6 and
9, and it says, do not
grow weary and well doing.
For at the proper time
you will reap a harvest
if you do not give up.
So I would encourage
wives to not give up.
To continue to do the
right thing, even when it
doesn't look like you're
bearing fruit at the moment.
To honor your
covenant to the Lord.
If you can't look
at your husband
and say he's doing the right
thing, trust that the Lord is.
That's a good word.
That's a good word.
And you've come through
it and now you do have it.
What's it like now?
What's the relationship,
what's the love now,
having been through
what for most couples is
the worst of the worst?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's still challenging.
So I don't want to paint
the picture that now we've
made it through.
Or to any couple, once
you make it through,
challenges won't come.
But we handle them
in a different way.
Our faith is stronger.
Financially you're better.
Financially we are up and down.
Oh really?
I'll be honest, we're still
climbing out of the hole,
so let's say that.
We're still climbing
out of the hole.
It was a big hole that we dug.
But one thing that when
we were initially in it,
we didn't know.
We weren't really
sure, God told us.
And we're like yes,
we came through it.
But now it's like, OK
Lord, we know that you're
doing something again.
We know that you're
doing something.
As we continue to grow
through it, the things
that we're sharing now
about our relationship,
maybe you'll turn that into
sharing with something else as
well.
So we're really just,
for lack of better words,
we're at his mercy.
But it's a comfortable
place to be at his mercy,
because there is nobody
else that you can be with.
And can love you and
comfort you through it, even
in the challenges.
Has the conversation
changed between you two?
Definitely.
It has.
Yes.
It has.
I think that we are more
intentional about prayer
together.
There was a time where we
would pray over the kids,
we would pray at meals, we would
pray separately before bed.
But we realize now
how much more powerful
it is for us to come
together and pray.
Yeah, definitely.
Just the level of respect too.
I think the way we
talk to one another.
The way we revert to him first.
It used to be, when we
go through a problem,
I would try to fix it.
I knew how to fix it.
I could do something.
I got this.
I got this.
And then that quickly showed
that was not going to work.
I didn't know how to fix it.
And I finally had to
come to grips with that.
But now I'm like OK Lord,
and when I say at his mercy,
it's a comforting
place to be in.
When you're like,
OK Lord we're here.
And I know only you can do it.
I know only you can do it.
Because I know if
I try to do it,
failure is probably
going to come about.
But if I trust in him and let
him do it, then it changes it.
Love that's been
tested in the fire.
And this is just a
portion of the story.
And Jackie's book is
called The 7 Rings
of Marriage your model for
a lasting and fulfilling
marriage.
And it's available
wherever books are sold.
I encourage you to get a copy.
Particularly if you're
going through difficulty
in your marriage, this
will help see you through.
Well thanks guys,
for being here.
Thank you so much.