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Married Couple Lives as Roommates

The first year of Kim and LeRoy's marriage drove a wedge between them. They refused divorce, so lived for 8 years as roommates to raise their children, until one day Kim couldn't take it anymore. Read Transcript


The bell was ringing for the first day of school,

and she comes sweeping through the door in all of her glory.

And I couldn't help but notice her.

There was just a life about her, just exuded joy,

exuded confidence, exuded beauty.

NARRATOR: It was love at first sight

when Leroy met Kim at Bible college.

He fell in love with her joyful enthusiasm,

and she fell in love with his quiet strength.

Soon, they were engaged.

I really went into marriage thinking

this was just going to be a great 50-year date.

I just thought, oh wow, now we get

to be together all the time.

And it's just going to be so fun.

NARRATOR: But the fun ended three days

into their honeymoon.

After a long drive to the mountains,

Kim settled in for a night of romance.

And he falls asleep on me.

I mean, we had barely hit the bed, and he falls asleep.

I was awakened by her cries.

I didn't really think that that big a deal,

so I thought she'll get over that.

I'm quite shocked, like why doesn't that

devastate you that I'm letting you know how you hurt me.

NARRATOR: That pattern continued through the early years

of their marriage.

When expectations were met with disappointment,

Kim would express strong emotion,

and Leroy would dismiss her or withdraw.

What first attracted them to each other

was now driving a wedge between them.

I loved Leroy, but at the same time,

I can be so repulsed by him.

I was raised to not-- not be emotional.

I could be so upset with him and disappointed.

And so instead of having the tools to handle that,

I would just shut down.

I kept wanting him to just-- you know,

stand up and be a man.

It made me feel like that I could never measure up.

It brought our what I always feared,

and that was not being able to do what I

knew that I should do as a man.

I just saw being a helper to Leroy

as helping him do things in a better way.

And so the further that I would retreat

into sullenness or passivity, or into a cave, that more

intense that she would become.

NARRATOR: Kim gave birth to a daughter.

But five years into their marriage,

they reached a breaking point.

I still remember the intersection where we were

sitting in the car, when he looked over at me and-- and I

had been pressuring him, but he looked over and he just

admitted--

Evidently, I've not been able to love you like I should.

You've made that perfectly clear.

I don't know how to do that.

And so I guess I don't love you.

I was devastated.

And yet, I wasn't that surprised.

NARRATOR: As Christians, Leroy and Kim

didn't believe in divorce.

Their son was born a few years later,

but then they lived as roommates for the next eight years

while raising their children.

Kim could no longer endure the pain and went away to a cabin

to read the Bible and pray about her marriage.

And God used scriptures to take me

on a journey of revisiting my life,

and convicting me where I had harmed Leroy,

where I'd been intimidating, cruel even at times.

And I began writing out just instance after instance,

that God brought to mind.

NARRATOR: Kim then asked Leroy to join her at the cabin.

And then when she called me and wanted

to share with me what the Lord had spoken to her about,

I was so dead emotionally.

I didn't really have any response at all.

That was OK, because God had done such a deep work in me.

I wasn't obeying God in how I treated my husband.

To get my husband to treat me a certain way,

I was focused on loving him more than I was getting love

from Leroy.

NARRATOR: Kim had changed, but their marriage stayed the same.

Two years after Kim's time away, Leroy

went on a retreat of his own to ask God to examine his heart.

And God very strongly dealt with me

and took me back to the earliest moments of my memory

as a boy, that fear had been in control of my life.

I was afraid of not fulfilling my responsibilities.

I was afraid of failing those who looked to me.

And so this had greatly impacted my marriage relationship

with Kimberly.

And I apologized to her, and I said,

so much of my interaction with you and so much

of my hurt and pain has not been because of the way you've been.

It's been because of where I have been long

before I met you.

And that began our walk together as broken, humbled, repentant,

but hopeful that God was at work in our marriage

and began that process of restoration.

NARRATOR: Leroy and Kim begin living as husband and wife

again.

That was in 1999.

And today, their marriage is stronger than ever.

Together, they council other couples

with the hope they've been given by the God of second chances.

He's restored our marriage.

It is a happy marriage.

It's a blessed marriage.

It's a fun marriage.

When I was back in I see what I would have missed

had I checked out, had I have divorced,

I shudder to think of all of the blessings, of all that

God had in store if I would have walked away.

If I would have stopped short of enduring and persevering

and trusting him.

My husband is my best friend.

He's who I would want to hang out with more than anyone else.

I admire him and I adore him.

I could have never imagined how good it can be.

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