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Satanist Finds Peace After Lifetime of Fear

Initiated into a Satanic cult as a young girl, Patricia spent her entire life fighting to free herself from the darkness and fear that plagued her. Desperate, she sought solace in the midst of one of her fears—church. Read Transcript

The people you trust the most, who

are supposed to take care of you and protect you from harm,

actually did the harm.

NARRATOR: When Patricia was five years old,

she was initiated into a secret satanic cult

through a series of sick and abusive rituals.

PATRICIA: I was whisked away by family members

to take part in a ceremony, a ritual.

In the basement, there was an altar

that was made out of wood.

And on the floor of the concrete was a pentagram

painted with red paint.

There was family members and also occult members around

in a circle around the altar.

They were chanting in some unknown language.

I just remember being pinned down, strapped down.

And then a ritual performed on me.

NARRATOR: Patricia says she was raped and pledged to Satan.

But the horror didn't stop there.

Satanic rituals and animal sacrifice

continued throughout her childhood.

PATRICIA: We were forced to drink the blood

and to eat eyes.

And if we didn't, we were tormented until we did.

And the eyes were to give us power

to see into the spirit realm.

NARRATOR: For Patricia, there was no safe place.

Unable to process the abuse, she suppressed her memories.

The night terrors would continue, and the dreams.

And my brain was trying to sort it all out, work it all out.

And, you know, it's a nightmare.

It's an absolute nightmare.

I felt like I was living a constant horror movie.

A horror movie, that's how I describe it.

A horror movie on Halloween.

NARRATOR: At 13 years old, she ran away from home.

But the darkness she'd grown up with followed her.

In her teens and 20s, Patricia read tarot cards

and communicated with spirits.

All the while, she lived in constant fear and darkness.

I was able to see demons and spirits and ghosts.

And as I got older and I still continued those things,

I had spiritual guides.

I wanted power.

I wanted to have complete power over my life,

because I didn't have any power over my life

when I was younger.

Any time that I went-- tried to get healing

from the occult, the first thoughts that

would come to my mind was to kill myself,

which I tried many times to do, whether it be slicing my wrists

or taking an overdose of pills, ending up in the hospital,

ending up in psychiatric ward.

NARRATOR: She longed for freedom,

but didn't know where to turn.

PATRICIA: I wanted peace.

I wanted to be happy.

But I didn't know how to get it, because I was afraid of God.

I hated God.

I wanted nothing to do with Him.

I was searching to be safe.

I was searching for peace.

I was searching to be loved.

NARRATOR: Desperate, Patricia went to church

with a Christian friend.

As the church worshipped, she felt the love of Jesus

for the first time.

Then she felt something else.

PATRICIA: Everybody was praising the Lord,

and I wanted to do what everybody was doing.

I wanted to feel what they were feeling.

And I needed freedom, so I raised my hands

and a dark presence came up behind me

and literally jerked my shoulder.

I wasn't budging, though.

And I said, no.

I'm not going.

No, I'm not leaving.

This is where I'm staying.

And I continued.

And I just kept crying, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,


And then it started lifting, lifting, and lifting.

NARRATOR: Patricia became a Christian

and began a long journey to freedom and wholeness

with Jesus.

PATRICIA: I got on my face and I said,

I want to feel You moving in my life.

I want to see-- feel release from these strongholds.

I want to feel peace.

When I got up off the floor, He was there.

He was there with me.

And I started reading every scripture

about Him-- the woman at the well, the woman who

touched His garment.

I was those women.

The woman who was about to be stoned.

I was all those women in one who needed Him.

I needed Him to gradually show me that I could trust Him.

And that's what He did.

NARRATOR: Through intense Christian counseling

and prayer, Patricia finally found

the freedom and peace she had always wanted-- in Christ.

PATRICIA: Now I walk daily with joy.

And I never forget to thank Him every day for what

He's done in my life.

Never forget to thank Him.

And I enjoy life so much more.

You know, it's later in my life, but, you know,

He's given me all those years back

that the devil stole from me.

If He can take someone like me, who

was involved in all of that darkness and oppressed by it,

and set me free and give me a whole new life,

if He can take someone like me, who was into the occult

so deep, into that darkness so deep, who was trapped

by the enemy, and pull her up out

of that hole, that pit of hell, and bring her into the light,

He can do that for anyone-- anyone.

I don't care how deep they are into the occult,

He can pull you out.

It just takes just a few words-- Jesus help me.

And He will be there.

He will be there to help pull you out.

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