The Christian Broadcasting Network

Browse Videos

Share Email

700 Club Interactive - February 14, 2017

In a family full of facades, Esther Fleece, learned from a young age to keep secrets and fake her feelings. She shares how facing her past and ending the pretending is the key to freedom. Read Transcript


MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME

WE DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE

WHO BELIEVE IN GOD BECAUSE

THEY'RE WEIRD OR THEY'RE

DIFFERENT.

Gordon: THEY ARE THE

"NONES," AND THEY

REPRESENT A THIRD OF ALL

YOUNG PEOPLE.

SEE HOW THE CHURCH IS

TRYING TO WOO THEM BACK ON

TODAY'S "700 CLUB

INTERACTIVE."

> WELL, GOOD MORNING AND

WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

ISRAELI ARCHEOLOGISTS ARE

CALLING THE EXCAVATION OF

A 12th CAGE THAT HOUSES

DEAD SEA SCROLLS ONE OF

THE MOST EXCITING

DISCOVERIES OF THE PAST 60

YEARS.

AFTER YEARS OF SEARCHING

FOR THESE ADDITIONAL DEAD

SEA SCROLLS, ARCHEOLOGYS

FROM LIBERTY UNIVERSITY

CLAIM TO HAVE EVIDENCE OF

A 12th CAVE WHICH ONCE

HELD HIDDEN SCROLLS.

THEY FOUND AMPLE EVIDENCE

TO SUPPORT THEIR

CONCLUSIONS, INCLUDING

JARS IN WHICH THE SCROLLS

AND THEIR COVERING WERE

HIDDEN, A LEATHER STRAP

FROM BINDING THE SCROLL,

AND A CLOTH THAT WRAPPED

THE SCROLLS.

UNTIL RECENTLY, IT WAS

BELIEVED THAT ONLY 11

CONTEST11CAVES HAD SCROLLS, AND

THIS OPENS UP, YES, THERE

ARE ADDITIONAL CAVES.

THE UNFORTUNATE THING IS

THAT LOOTERS HAVE ALREADY

TAKEN THE SCROLLS OUT, SO

THEY'RE LOST TO US.

WHAT AN AMAZING DISCOVERY,

AND WOULDN'T IT BE

WONDERFUL TO FIND EVEN

MORE.

WHAT THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS

DID WAS PUSH BACK THE

DATING OF OUR EARLIEST

EVIDENCE OF THE BIBLE AND

THE AUTHENTICITY OF THE

WORDS IN OUR MODERN

BIBLES.

THE SCROLL OF ISAIAH WAS

COMPLETE, AND IT DOESN'T

VARY AT ALL TO THE MODERN

VERSIONS OF ISAIAH.

AND SO THAT PUSHED IT BACK

TO 2,000 YEARS.

THEY HAVE NOW TAKEN THE

MASSAETIC TEST, AND

THEY'VE PUSHED THAT TO THE

FIRST CENTURY AS WELL.

SO THE BIBLE WE HAVE THE

SAME BIBLE THAT JESUS WAS

READING.

> IN OTHER TRENDING

NEWS, A TEACHER IS GOING

VIRAL WITH THE WAY HE IS

CONNECTING WITH HIS

STUDENTS.

TAKE A LOOK.

*

*

Gordon: THAT WAS

BARRY WHITE,, JR., A FIFTH

GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER, WHO

HAS AN ELABORATE

PERSONALIZED SHAND SHAKE

WITH EACH ONE OF HIS

STUDENTS.

EACH ONE IS DIFFERENT,

USING MOVES INSPIRED BY

THE STUDENT'S PERSONALITY.

HE SAYS EVERY STUDENT

NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF JOY

IN THEIR LIVES, AND THAT'S

A WONDERFUL THING.

> WELL, IT IS

VALENTINE'S DAY, AND IT IS

TIME TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR

SPOUSE.

ANDREA SNOW WANTED TO MAKE

A SPECIAL GIFT FOR HER

HUSBAND, JARED, WHO HAS

BEEN DEPLOYED SINCE

SEPTEMBER.

SHE POSTED ON Facebook,

HAVING FOR HELP TO MAKE

HER LOVE FOR JARED TRAVEL

ACROSS ALL 50 STATES.

HER LOVE DID TRAVEL TO

PLACES IN NEW YORK CITY

AND HERE IS ONE FROM THE

HOOVER DAM, AND THEN THE

GRAND CANYON.

AND IT MADE IT AROUND THE

WORLD, COUNTRIES LIKE NEW

ZEALAND, COSTA RICA,

CANADA, COLOMBIA, AND EVEN

THE PHILIPPINES, AND

THAT'S JUST TO MAIM NAME A FEW.

ANDREA SAID SHE WOULD

RATHER DO SOMETHING

CREATIVE THAN

STORE-BOUGHT, SO HER

HUSBAND KNOWS IT CAME

STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART.

JARED WILL BE HOME IN

MARCH, JUST IN TIME FOR

CHILD NUMBER THREE TO BE

BORN.

> THIS TIME OF YEAR IS

WHEN MANY COUPLES PAUSE TO

FOCUS ON LOVE.

SO WHAT IS TRUE LOVE, AND

WHY DO SOME RELATIONSHIPS

SURVIVE WHILE OTHERS FAIL?

AS PAUL STRAND REPORTS,

STAYING IN LOVE FOR A

LIFETIME ISN'T AS HARD AS

YOU MAY THINK.

*

Reporter: THESE DAYS

MARRIAGE GETS A BAD RAP.

MORE AND MORE ATTENTION IS

PAID TO DIVORCE

STATISTICS, AND YOU RARELY

SEE OR HEAR ABOUT ANY

COUPLES LIVING THEIR DREAM

FOR A LIFETIME.

THE CLICHE IS PEOPLE ARE

LEADING LIVES OF QUIET

DESPERATION, BUT THE FACT

IS MANY ARE NOT DESPERATE

AT ALL AND ARE LIVING IN

REALLY HAPPY MARRIAGES.

NOW THERE IS A BOOK THAT

SHARES THE SECRETS ON HOW

THEY STAY HAPPILY MARRIED

FOREVER.

THERE ARE BEST-SELLERS

LIKE "FOR WOMEN ONLY," AND

"FOR MEN ONLY."

AND NOW THERE IS RESEARCH

ABOUT REALLY SATISFIED

HUSBANDS AND WIVES.

SHE FOUND HAPPY COUPLES

SHARE A FEW KEY ATTITUDES

AND ACTIONS.

SHE PUTS THIS ISN'T THE

BOOK "THE SECRETS OF THE

HIGHLY HAPPY MARRIAGES."

BELIEVE THE BEST OF YOUR

SPOUSE, NO MATTER WHAT

HAPPENS.

CHOOSING TO BELIEVE THEY

CARE FOR YOU TURNS ALMOST

ANY SITUATION POSITIVE.

JEFF LEARNED THIS FROM HIS

OWN EXPERIENCE.

I KNEW I COULD TRUST

HER.

I KNEW SHE HAD MY BEST

INTEREST.

I KNEW SHE LOVED ME AND I

WOULD BELIEVE THE BEST.

THE HAPPIEST COUPLES

GO, THEY COULDN'T HAVE

MEANT IT.

THEY LOVE ME.

AND LET'S MOVE ON.

Reporter: THE

RESEARCH INCLUDES KIM AND

SABRINA MOORE, WHO

PERSONIFY THE TRAITS THAT

BRING LONG-TERM JOY.

THEY WENT ALL IN.

THERE IS NO THOUGHT OF THE

"D" WORD, DIVORCE.

AND KIM DESCRIBES THE

RESULT OF NOT GOING ALL

IN.

DEATH, BECAUSE IT

CREATES A WEDGE, AND GOD

HAS DESIGNED IT TO BE

COMPLETE INTIMACY.

YOU CAN'T HAVE COMPLETE

INTIMACY IF YOU HAVE HID

TEN POCKETS.

Reporter: SABRINA

CREDITS GOING ALL IN FOR

THEIR 27-YEAR UNION.

I BELIEVE WE'RE HAPPIER

NOW THAN WE HAVE EVER

BEEN.

Reporter: THANK FOR

HUSBAND, LET HIM KNOW YOU

APPRECIATE HIS EFFORTS.

SAYING IT TO A GUY,

THAT'S EQUIVALENT OF

SAYING I LOVE YOU.

Reporter: MEN NEED TO

TAKE THEIR WIFE'S HANDS

AND NOT BE AFRAID OF

PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF

AFFECTION, LIKE PUTTING AN

ARM AROUND HER.

ALL OF THOSE THINGS CAN

DISPLAY, I'M CHOOSING YOU

ALL OVER AGAIN.

WHEN HE MAKES THE

EFFORT TO PULL HIMSELF OUT

OF THE FUNK, AND TO NOT BE

GRUMPY OR MOROSE, IT IS,

LIKE, BHIE WHEW, THIS ISN'T

GOING TO GO INTO UNHAPPY.

Reporter: AND NO

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

SABRINA CAME INTO MARRIAGE

WITH THIS PROBLEM.

NO EXPECTATIONS FROM

HER TOWARDS ME THAT I HAD

NO IDEA THAT WERE THERE.

HE SAID, HE SHOULD KNOW

THIS, AND I DIDN'T.

THERE WAS THIS WALL

BETWEEN US THAT I COULDN'T

COMPREHEND THAT HE

COULDN'T COMPREHEND.

Reporter: THE HOMES

THAT PRACTICE THE HABITS

HIGHLIGHTED IN THEIR BOOK

CAN TURN THEIR MARRIAGE

AROUND.

THEY WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW

THE 50% DIVORCE RATE IS A

MYTH.

ABOUT 80% THRIVE AND

SURVIVE, NOT A MEASLY

HALF.

MOST MARRIAGES MAKE IT.

MOST MARRIAGES ARE HAPPY.

STATISTICALLY, WE'RE GOING

TO BE JUST FINE.

WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS

BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE DO.

Reporter: SO THE

FACTS ARE, EVERYONE HAS IT

IN THEIR MARRIAGE TO MAKE

ONE THAT CAN TRULY BE

CALLED HIGHLY HAPPY.

PAUL STRAND, CBN NEWS,

REPORTING FROM ATLANTA.

Gordon: THOSE ARE

WONDERFUL SUGGESTIONS

FORTUNATFORTHIS VALENTINE'S DAY.

ALWAYS BELIEVE THE BEST

ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE.

IF YOU HAVE EXPECTATIONS,

MAKE SURE THEY'RE STATED.

AND IF YOU EVER GET IN A

BAD MOOD, DO YOUR BEST TO

TRY TO GET OUT OF IT.

> COMING UP, 36 MILLION

AMERICANS CAN NOW BE

IDENTIFIED AS "NONE OF THE

ABOVE."

I SAID, I'M DONE WITH

CHURCH, I DON'T WANT TO

GO.

I DON'T SEE ANY BENEFIT.

Gordon: SEE WHY THIS

MAN AND OTHERS WITH NO

RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION ARE

NOW GOING TO CHURCH, RIGHT

AFTER THIS.

Gordon: THEY'RE

CALLED "NONES," BUT THEIR

NOT CATHOLIC SISTERS.

THESE "NONE OF THE ABOVES"

DON'T IDENTIFY WITH ANY

RELIGIOUS GROUP.

THE QUESTION IS: HOW CAN

THEY BE REACHED?

HEATHER SELLS BRINGS US

THE ANSWER.

Heather: AMANDA GREW

UP AS A "NONE."

SHE NEVER WENT TO CHURCH

OR SPOKE WITH ANYONE WHO

DID.

MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME

WE DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE

WHO BELIEVE IN GOD BECAUSE

THEY'RE WEIRD OR THEY'RE

DIFFERENT.

Heather: CRAIG, ON

THE OTHER HAND, GREW UP

GOING TO CHURCH BUT TOOK A

STAND IN HIGH SCHOOL.

AT THAT POINT I SAID,

I'M DONE WITH CHURCH.

I DON'T WANT TO GO.

I DON'T SEE ANY BENEFIT.

I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY

I SHOULD BE GOING.

Heather: BOTH CRAIG

AND AMANDA REPRESENT A

GROWING GROUP.

THE PEW RESEARCH CENTER

FOUND THAT ALMOST A

QUARTER OF U.S. ADULTS SAY

THEY EITHER QUESTION GOD'S

EXISTENCE OR THEY'RE

RELIGION IS NOTHING IN

PARTICULAR.

WITH THESE "NONES" NOW

REPRESENTING 36 MILLION

AMERICANS.

PEW ALSO FOUND THAT A

THIRD OF YOUNG PEOPLE FALL

INTO THIS GROUP, AND HIGH

NUMBERS LICH I LIVE IN THE

NORTHWEST AND NORTHEAST.

SO WHY ARE SO MANY

AMERICANS DISCONNECTING

FROM CHURCH?

WE CAME HERE TO NEW

ENGLAND TO FIND OUT AND

FIND OUT WHAT THE CHURCHES

HERE ARE DOING TO BRING

THEM BACK.

DR. SHARON CATCHUM OUTSIDE

OF BOSTON AND OTHER

EXPERTS ARE TRYING TO

FIGURE OUT WHY A NEW

GENERATION IS SO

ANTI-CHURCH.

WHAT WE DO KNOW: THESE

"NONES" DON'T BELIEVE IN

THEIR FAITH ANYMORE OR THE

NEED FOR CHURCH.

FRANK SAID THAT'S WHAT HE

THOUGHT IN HIS 20s.

IT WAS OKAY.

YES, I BELIEVE IN YOU,

GOD, BUT I'M GOING TO DO

THINGS MY WAY.

AND AS LONG AS I'M A GOOD

PERSON, AS LONG AS I DO

ENOUGH GOOD DEEDS, YOU

KNOW, THAT WILL BE ENOUGH.

Heather: OTHERS SAY

THEY'RE UNSURE ABOUT

SO-CALLED ORGANIZED

RELIGION OR JUST DON'T GO.

CHURCH NEVER CROSSED MY

MIND AS SOMETHING THAT I

NEEDED TO DO.

Reporter: CATCHUM

SEES A BIR BIGGER PICTURE, A

CULTURE WHERE PEOPLE JUDGE

CHURCH BASED ON WHAT

PROVIDES FOR THEIR

PERSONAL NEEDS.

WE THEN HAVE THE

AMPLIFICATION OF ME AND

JESUS AND A REDUCTION OF

THE LARGER UNDERSTANDING

OF WHAT THE COMMUNITY OF

FAITH IS ABOUT.

Heather: ANOTHER PART

OF THE PROBLEM, SAYS

CATCHUM, IS SIMPLY THE

GROWING NUMBER OF CHOICES.

THERE WERE DAYS WHEN

COMMUNITIES WERE

AUTOMATIC.

BUT NOW I COULD CHOOSE

WHATEVER GROUP OR PROGRAM

THAT MEETS MY PERSONAL

NEEDS.

Heather: PASTOR CHAD

WASWALD SAYS HE IS NOT

DISCOURAGED.

I JUST THINK WHEN TIMES

GET DARKER, LIGHT SHINES

BRIGHTER.

IT IS AN INTERESTING THING

WE'RE SEEING HERE.

YES, I SEE THE NUMBERS

THAT YOU SEE, BUT I SEE

THIS GROWING HUNGER AFTER

CHRIST.

Heather: MANY

FIRST-TIMERS COMING TO

THIS CHURCH TELL HIM THEIR

EXPERIENCE OF GUILT OR

SHAME IN PREVIOUS CHURCHES

OVERWHELMED ANY MESSAGE OF

GRACE OR HOPE.

A LOT OF CHURCHES PUT

SO MUCH FOCUS ON HOLINESS,

RATHER THAN THE HOPE THAT

JESUS TALKS ABOUT.

I THINK SOME PEOPLE JUST

FEEL THEY CAN'T LIVE UP TO

THAT EXPECTATION AND THE

GUILT OF WHAT THEY'VE DONE

OR WHAT THEY ARE INTO.

Heather: A FOCUS ON

GRACE DREW IN AMANDA HER

FIRST TIME.

THIS SINGLE MOM REMEMBERS

AN CO-WORK'S INVITATION TO

AN EASTER SERVICE AND HOW

SHE CRIED THROUGHOUT THE

SERMON.

I WAS SO FREAKED OUT

ABOUT THE ENTIRE MESSAGE

AND CRYING.

I WAS EMBARRASSEDED EMBARRASSED, AND I

GOT MY DAUGHTER AND I SAID

WE'RE NEVER COMING BACK

HERE.

BUT SHE WAS LIKE, I MET SO

MANY NEW FRIENDS.

WE HAVE TO COME BACK.

I LOVE IT HERE.

Heather: TODAY AMANDA

IS INVOLVED IN MULTIPLE

SERVICES AT THE METRO

CHURCH, AS IS CRAIG, WHO'S

WIFE BROUGHT HIM HERE FIVE

YEARS AGO.

AT THIS POINT IN MY

LIFE, I CAN'T IMAGINE

DOING LIFE WOW THIS GROUP

OWITHOUT THISGROUP OF PEOPLE.

Heather: RESEARCH

SHOWS THAT PEOPLE LONG FOR

COMMUNITY AND A BIGGER

PURPOSE THAN JUST

THEMSELVES.

THERE IS NO EASY FIX OR

FORMULA FOR REACHING THOSE

WHO HAVE STEPPED AWAY FROM

CHURCH, BUT A CHURCH THAT

LOVES ITS MEMBERS AND

COMMUNITY IS A GREAT

START.

> REPORTING IN

MASSACHUSETTS, HEATHER

SELLS, CBN NEWS.

Gordon: IT IS THE

GRACE OF GOD, THE GOODNESS

OF GOD THAT LEADS TO

REPENTANCE.

IT IS THAT CHANGE OF

HEART, KNOWING THAT HOW

CAN WE NEGLECT SO GREAT A

SALVATION, THAT HE IS ABLE

TO FORGIVE -- NOT JUST

FORGIVE, BUT FORGET, BLOT

IT OUT, AS IF IT NEVER

EXISTED.

IT IS A WONDERFUL MESSAGE.

IT IS GOOD NEWS, AND THE

WHOLE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW.

> WELL, STILL TO COME,

SHE HAS BEEN RECOGNIZED BY

CNN, "U.S.A. TODAY", AND

BY CHRISTIANITY TODAY AS A

WOMAN SHAPING TODAY'S

CULTURE.

ESTHER FLEECE JOINS US

LIVE AND REVEALS ONE OF

HER DARKEST SECRETS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT,

SO STAY WITH US.

Gordon: AT JUST 10

YEARS OLD, ESTHER FLEECE

LEARNED TO SUCK IT UP AND

HOLD IT TOGETHER AS HER

WORLD FELL APART.

NOW SHE SAYS IT IS FINALLY

TIME TO PUT AN END TO THE

PRETEND.

TAKE A LOOK.

Reporter: IN HIGH

SCHOOL, ESTHER FLEECE WAS

KNOWN FOR BEING SMART,

CHEERFUL, AND FUN.

BUT SHE WAS HIDING A

TERRIBLE SECRET.

ESTHER HAD BEEN PHYSICALLY

AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED FOR

YEARS.

BY THE TIME SHE WAS 15,

HER FAMILY HAD LEFT HER TO

FEND FOR HERSELF.

SHE SLEPT IN THE HOMES OF

SEVERAL CHURCH MEMBERS.

SHE WOULDN'T TALK TO

ANYONE, EVEN GOD, ABOUT

HER PAIN.

AFTER COLLEGE, SHE BECAME

A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS

WOMAN, BUT YEARS OF HIDING

BEHIND ACHIEVEMENTS AND

THE STRAIN OF HER DOUBLE

LIFE BECAME TOO HEAVY.

IN HER BOOK, "NO MORE

FAKING FINE," ESTHER

SHARES HOW SHE FOUND

FREEDOM BY GETTING REAL

WITH HERSELF AND GOD.

Gordon: WELL, ESTHER

IS WITH US LIVE NOW AND IT

IS GREAT TO SEE YOU.

AND IT IS GREAT TO SEE

YOUR AUTHENTIC SMILE.

THANK YOU.

IT IS AN AUTHENTIC SMILE,

IT REALLY IS.

Gordon: I READ THE

STORY, AND I'M SORRY, IT'S

HORRIFIC.

I GO, HOW IN THE WORLD DID

YOU MAKE IT.

HERE YOU ARE AT 10 YEARS

OLD, AND SUDDENLY YOUR

FATHER STARTS TO FALL

APART AND BECOME VERY

VIOLENT.

WHAT WAS THAT LIKE FOR

YOU?

IT WAS THE UNKNOWN,

REALLY.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE

WHAT YOU THINK IS NORMAL,

AND YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR

NORMAL IS FALLING APART

OVERNIGHT.

MY FATHER'S MENTAL

CONDITION CONTINUED TO GET

WORSE, BUT WE WEREN'T

INFORMED OF WHAT IT WAS.

I WAS TOLD HE WAS SICK.

AND I THOUGHT, CAN I CATCH

IT?

BUT IT WAS A MENTAL

ILLNESS.

Gordon: DID YOU EVER

FIND OUT?

TO THIS DAY, I HAVEN'T.

MEDICAL RECORDS ARE NOW

ISSUED TO CHILDREN.

BUT IT WAS PAINFUL, AND IT

WAS THE RECIPIENT OF A LOT

OF THAT PAIN.

Gordon: HOW DID YOU

PROCESS IT?

I DIDN'T EVEN REFLECT

ON IT AS A CHILD.

BUT I OPEN THE BOOK WHERE

I WAS IN THE COURTROOM,

AND MY FATHER WAS THERE,

AND MY FATHER HAD TAKEN MY

DIARY OUT AND WAS READING

IN THE COURTROOM.

AND I WAS TOLD TO SUCK IT

UP BY THE JUDGE.

Gordon: THE JUDGE?

I WAS CRYING, OF

COURSE.

AND THE JUDGE SAID, YOU

NEED TO SUCK IT UP AND

ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WITH

A YES OR NO, BECAUSE I

GUESS I WAS SAYIN SAYING YEAH.

AND IT WAS REINFORCED

EVERY TIME I READ

SCRIPTURE, AND GOD WAS A

JUDGE, I THOUGHT GOD WAS

LIKE A COURTROOM JUDGE.

SO IT TOOK ALITY O A LOT OF YEARS

OF UNLEARNING THAT.

BUT MY INITIAL RESPONSE

WAS SURVIVAL ROAD.

Gordon: SO YOU WERE

GOING TO DO ANYTHING YOU

COULD DO GET THROUGH IT?

SURE.

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO

BECOME A STATISTIC.

Gordon: YOU THOUGHT

THAT?

WELL, WHEN MY MOTHER

LEFT AT THE AGE OF 15, I

DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE

STATISTIC OF A GIRL WHO

GOT PREGNANT IN HIGH

SCHOOL --

Gordon: OUR AUDIENCE

SAYS, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOUR FATHER GOES INTO

MENTAL ILLNESS WHEN YOU'RE

10 AND YOUR MOTHER LEAVES

WHEN YOU'RE 15 -- WHY?

I DON'T KNOW THE

MOTIVES OF EITHER PARENT,

BUT I KNOW THEY WERE

BROKEN.

I DON'T THINK THEY PURSUED

HEALTH AND HEALING AND

WHOLENESS THAT COMES

THROUGH JESUS CHRIST.

AND SO THERE WAS JUST

CYCLES -- GENERATIONAL

CYCLES -- OF BROKENNESS,

THAT, UNFORTUNATELY, I WAS

BORN INTO.

SO I DON'T KNOW ALL OF THE

REASONS, BUT I DO KNOW I

WAS ORPHANED.

BUT BECAUSE OF SCRIPTURE,

I KNOW THAT GOD MEETS

ORPHANS AND HE PLACES THE

LONELY IN FAMILIES, AND HE

DID THAT WITH ME.

I WAS CUT OFF FROM MY

ENTIRE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY,

NO AUNTS, UNCLES, TO THE

RESCUE.

BUT IT GAVE ME THE

OPPORTUNITY TO MEET GOD.

Gordon: HOW WERE YOU

IN CHURCH?

WE WOULD BE IN CHILD CHILD

PROTECTIVE SERVICES.

WE WOULD MOVE FROM HOUSE

TO HOUSE TO STAY SAFE, AND

THERE WAS ALWAYS A CHURCH

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

AND I WOULD WALK TO

CHURCH.

Gordon: SO YOU

INITIATED IT?

I DID.

I DID.

MY PARENTS, WE DID GO TO

CHURCH.

BUT WE CAN'T FAKE FINE IN

THE CHURCH.

WE WOULD PUT ON THE HAPPY

FACES AND THE SMILES, BUT

THEN I EXPERIENCED SUCH

ABUSE AT HOME IT WAS VERY

CONFUSING.

I THANK MY PARENTS FOR

INTRODUCING ME TO THE

CONCEPT OF CHURCH, BUT GOD

DID SAVE ME AT AN EARLY

AGE.

Gordon: I FIND IT

VERY UNUSUAL THAT YOU, AT

15, ARE SAYING, I WANT TO

GO TO CHURCH AND GETTING

YOURSELF TO CHURCH, EVEN

WHEN YOU HAVE THIS MENTAL

IMAGE THAT GOD IS A JUDGE.

I DIDN'T NECESSARILY

WANT TO BURDEN GOD WITH MY

PRAYERS.

WHICH IS WHAT THIS BOOK IS

ABOUT.

I THOUGHT GOD WANTED MY

STRENGTH AND MY GOOD FRUIT

AND HE WANTED ME TO

PRODUCE FOR HIM.

WHAT I MISSED OUT IS ALL

OF THOSE INVITATIONS IN

SCRIPTURE TO COME WITH MY

BURDENS.

SO THIS BOOK IS AN

INTRODUCTION FOR THE

READER TO SAY WHATEVER

YOUR STATE OF MIND IS,

WHATEVER YOUR HEART

CONDITION IS, YOU CAN GO

TO GOD WITH YOU.

THAT'S ACTUALLY WHERE HE

DOES A GREAT WORK.

IT TOOK ME MANY YEARS TO

KNOW THAT GOD WAN WANTED MY

GRIEF, TOO.

Gordon: YOU COMPEN

COMPENSATED, I THINK --

YOU BECAME A SUPER

PERFORMERS.

WHAT WAS DRIVING YOU?

THANK YOU.

ON THIS SIDE OF THINGS, I

START LOOKING AT SUPER

PERFORMERS, LIKE, WHAT ARE

THEY TRYING TO HIDE.

IF WE BELIEVE IN GRACE, WE

HAVE A NEW IDENTITY IN

CHRIST, AND WE DON'T HAVE

TO WORK SO HARD.

WE DO WANT TO WORK FOR THE

GLORY OF GOD, BUT WE DON'T

PLACE OUR IDENTITY IN

WORKING.

FOR ME IT WAS A COPING

MECHANISM, BUT IT WAS JUST

AS UNHEALTHY AS IF I

PICKED UP A BOTTLE OF

ALCOHOL.

DAVID SAYS, "SURELY IT WAS

IN VAIN THAT I KEPT MY

HEART PURE."

I REALIZED, EVEN MY

ACHIEVEMENTS, IF THEY WERE

DONE WITH WRONG MOTIVES,

IF THEY WERE DONE JUST TO

HIDE THIS GRIEF, IT WAS

NOT FRUIT THAT GOD WANTED.

I HOPE THIS BOOK IS A

PRODUCT OF THAT -- IT IS

NOT SO MUCH MY

ACHIEVEMENTS, BUT IT IS

BOOSTING THIS IS WHEN I

DIDN'T HAVE IT RIGHT, AND

YET HE STILL USED ME AND

HE STILL PURSUED ME.

Gordon: WHAT WAS THE

KEY FOR YOU?

I SENSE THERE WAS THIS

REAL BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT.

Reporter: THERE WAS.

AND YOU ASKING MAKES ME

THINK YOU HAD ONE

YOURSELF.

Gordon: YEAH.

I WAS ACHIEVING AND

EVERYTHING WAS GREAT ON

THE OUTSIDE, GORDON, AND

GOD ALLOWED MY BIOLOGICAL

FATHER TO COME BACK INTO

MY LIFE 19 YEARS LATER.

AND IT WAS A SHOCKING

SITUATION.

I LIVED FEARFUL EVERY DAY.

Gordon: IT MUST HAVE

BEEN TERRIBLE.

IT WAS HORRIBLE.

AND I FELT LIKE, GOD, I'M

DOING ALL OF THESE THINGS

FOR YOU, AND WHY IS THERE

STILL HARDSHIP.

I'M AN OVERCOMER, AND WHY

IS THIS HAPPENING?

IT WAS THROUGH THIS

PROCESS THAT I REALIZED,

GOD'S PEOPLE SUFFER.

IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT GOD

IS ABSENT OR VOID.

GOD IS WITH THEM IN IT.

SO I JUST STARTED READING

THE BIBLE IN A DIFFERENT

WAY.

I REALIZED THAT AFFLICTION

IS SOMETIMES FRUIT.

IT IS EVIDENCE WE ARE

GOD'S CHILDREN.

HE WAS SO KIND TO WARN US

THAT WE ARE GOING TO GO

THROUGH TRIALS OF MANY

KINDS.

ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS

THIS SWITCH OF GOD ISN'T

DOING THIS TO ME.

GOD ISN'T AUTHORING

SUFFERING IN OUR LIFE.

THERE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE

WE LIVE IN A FALLEN WORLD.

AND HE HAS GIVEN ME THIS

LANGUAGE CALLED LAMENT.

SO I REALIZED I COULD GO

TO GOD EVEN WHEN I WAS

BROKEN, MAYBE EVEN

ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS

BROKEN.

Gordon: YEAH.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY NEEDED TO

DO THAT.

MY BREAKTHROUGH WAS I HAD

LEARNED THE OLD TESTAMENT,

AND THE NUMBER OF TIMES

THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL

COMPLAINED IN THE DESERT.

AND I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT

THEIR COMPLAINTS WERE

QUESTIONING THE ABILITY OF

GOD TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

AND SO THEY WERE

COMPLAINING ABOUT WHERE

THEY WERE AND LOOKING TO

GO BACK TO EGYPT AS

OPPOSED TO SAYING, GOD IS

ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS

PROBLEM FOR US.

WOW.

Gordon: SO MY

BREAKTHROUGH WAS A

WONDERFUL MINISTER IN

INDIA SAYING, LET ME READ

YOU PSALM 142: 2: "I

POURED OUT MY COMPLAINT

BOW THE LORD."

AND THE GREAT THING IS

WHEN YOU POUR IT OUT

BEFORE HIM, YOU LEAVE IT

WITH HIM.

YES.

Gordon: AND IT'S

HONORING HIM, SAYING,

YOU'RE ABLE TO TAKE CARE

OF THIS.

YOU'RE WITH ME AND YOU CAN

SEE ME THROUGH.

THE MORE WE BOTTLE IT UP,

THE MORE IT AFFECTS US.

YEAH.

Gordon: IT AFFECTS US

IN REALLY STRANGE WAYS.

THE CHRISTIAN WORLD

VIEW IS THE ONLY WORLD

VIEW WHO HAS A GOD WHO NOT

ONLY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR

CRIES, BUT HE ACTUALLY

BOTTLES YOUR TEARS.

HE HAS PURPOSE FOR YOUR

TEARS WHEN YOU CRY.

THAT WAS INTRODUCING A

WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME,

THAT GOD COULD NOT JUST

MEET ME, BUT THAT HE CARED

FOR ME IN THIS TIME OF

SUFFERING.

Gordon: IN THIS

WORLD, YOU'LL HAVE

TROUBLES AND TRIBULATIONS,

BUT BE OF GOT CHEER, I

HAVE OVERCOME IT.

THE BOOK IS AVAILABLE

WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD.

ESTHER, THANK YOU FOR YOUR

STORY AND THANK YOU FOR

BEING WITH US.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME

ON.

Gordon: GOD BLESS

YOU.

EMBED THIS VIDEO


CBN.com | Do You Know Jesus? | Privacy Notice | Prayer Requests | Support CBN | Contact Us | Feedback
© 2012 Christian Broadcasting Network