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Woman's Suicide Thwarted by a Loving God

Susan grew up in an emotionally abusive family, and she looked for acceptance through relationships. Even when she gave up on God, she continued to hear his voice Read Transcript


- [Narrator] Susan Burnham grew up in

an emotionally abusive family.

Her father was an alcoholic

who was in constant conflict with Susan,

her mom, and her sisters.

- [Susan] It was justconstant, just sorrow,

and just hurtful things, and just

rejection from every which way.

It was almost like walking on eggshells

'cause you never knew

what you were gonna get.

- She began looking for love

and acceptance throughsexual relationships.

She had her first abortion

when she was only fourteen.

- I was yearning for love so much

that I looked for anybody.

I'm looking for all these people to just

fill these voids.

- In her early 20s, she went to church,

where she felt the love of God

but Susan says she had ahard time receiving it.

- I had this, this wonderful, awesome

feeling of love

and I just kind of like

in the back of my mind

said it's not going to last long.

(melancholy music)

He doesn't, he doesn't love me.

- She quit going to church.

Meanwhile, chaos and abuse followed her

from one relationship to another

and eventually into marriage.

She endured years of emotional

and physical abuse atthe hands of her husband.

- I would get beat up forcatching him cheating.

He would cheat on me andwe would argue about it

but I would get beat up for it

because I was snooping.

She used marijuana and alcohol

to cope with the chaos in her home.

It was nothing for me to come home

and, just, open up a bottle and just

take shots.

Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.

It masked everything.

Numbed everything.

- When she finally left her husband,

he attacked her and tried to kill her.

- I ended up going to the emergency room.

I had bruised kidneys and

I still have a scar onthe left side of my face.

It's an indentation fromwhere my face was smashed.

- After a lifetime ofdisappointment and heartbreak,

Susan decided to commit suicide.

- You know, everything just piled on me

at one time.

You know, just the feelings of just ew.

Like, look at you.

Look at who you've become.

This it it.

I am done.

I am done with this.

I don't want this anymore.

I had planned to get drunk

and just take these pills and go.

I was over it.

- She drank vodka and passed out before

she could take the lethal dose of pills.

The next day, Susan woke up sick

and ready for a change.

- When I was throwing up, I remember just

even doing that I was like

I cannot do this anymore.

I looked up to God and said,

Okay, you want to help me?

Now is your opportunity.

Do it then.

Take all this from me.

I don't want this anymore.

Take it.

It's yours.

You want it?

Here, take it!

Let me see what you're working with.

Let me see if you really love me.

- That morning, Godproved His love for her,

immediately setting her free from drug

and alcohol addiction.

- When he took all that,

and he took it away from me

and the desires were just gone,

like, I mean they were gone.

I never wanted a drink.

I never wanted to take alcohol.

I never wanted to smoke marijuana

ever again.

- Susan says everything changed

when she gave her life to Christ.

- Once I truly surrendered everything

and allowed Him to take control

that's when I started to see myself

through His eyes

and how I'm fearfully and wonderfully made

in His image.

I'm praising.

These are happy tears.

I'm just thanking God right now

that He just delivered me from all that.

That was just the worst.

Oh my God!

- She went back to school and earned

a degree in counseling.

She says her life is an example

of how the love of God

can set anybody free.

- My purpose is for His glory.

To help others

so that someone else can see

that, wow, she made it through

all of this and yet she's still

willing to reach back and

pull others up.

- Susan forgave her ex-husband

and others who hurt her.

She now knows the love of God was always

there for her.

She only needed to receive it.

- I can't love anybodyelse without loving me

and without accepting love from God.

And if He doesn't everdo anything else for me

I'm okay.

'Cause He's done enough.

Yeah, He's done enough.

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