Octavia believed God hated her because of her traumatic past. But when she was rescued from a serial killer, she knew sheâ€™d been wrong about God.
- It made me feel like Iwas something, you know.
You're in a commercial.
You're in a magazine.
- [Narrator] Octavia Standley was modeling
for some of the biggestfashion brands in the industry.
But away from the runways,lights and cameras,
she couldn't believe shewas the beautiful woman
others said she was.
- I would look in themirror and just literally
like scrub the makeup off,
and like you are ugly,
like why are they calling you stunning?
Why are they calling you beautiful?
- [Narrator] That's becauseOctavia carried a secret
that was destroying her.
From three to five yearsold she was molested
by three family members.
Octavia learned to hidethe truth and the pain.
- Inside I was so broken.
I felt very ugly.
I felt very insecure.
I felt not wanted.
- [Narrator] She felt God didn't love her,
and blamed him for the abuse.
- Why did I deserve this?
Is there something wrong with me?
How can you love somebody who
the only way people likeher is if they touch her?
- [Narrator] Octavia carriedher childhood secrets
and insecurities into herteen years and to college.
There she started dating an older man.
Then one night she lost hervirginity when he raped her.
Octavia distanced herselffrom God even more.
- If you care there'sno way you would let me
be touched like this.
It was just like you like to see me hurt,
that's what I felt about God.
- [Narrator] By then shehad started modeling,
and she also began smoking weed, partying,
and became promiscuous.
- If I wasn't giving myselfthen I wouldn't be liked.
I thought I neededtouch to feel beautiful,
but yet when I wastouched I would hate it.
- [Narrator] Octavia quitschool and continued living
that lifestyle for another five years.
During that time she gotpregnant and had a son.
Then she met a man, theymarried and had two children.
They also went to church together.
Octavia felt for thefirst time in her life
things were going well.
- My relationship with God got better.
It wasn't perfect.
It was just like maybe hedoes hear me, you know.
Maybe I'm not horrible.
- [Narrator] But Octavia still struggled
to trust God's love for her,
and when the marriage ended in divorce,
she again blamed him forthe pain in her life.
- When I looked at my kidI was like, he loves me,
but then the mirror wouldmake me be like he doesn't
because now I wouldn't havegone through this divorce.
- [Narrator] The stressof being a single mom
and feeling like a failure
led Octavia to become even more desperate.
- It finally drove me to a place
where I wanted to commit suicide.
And I tried, and I took all these pills,
and I drunk this alcohol (crying),
and I just woke up with a headache
'cause God didn't want me togo anywhere; it wasn't my time.
- [Narrator] Octavia realized she needed
to take care of her children.
She continued modeling andstarted working as an EMT.
She also hoped to recapture the feeling
she had when she was married.
It was during this timeshe started dating a man
she called D.J.
even after he told herabout his troubled past.
- He admitted to me that hehad been in prison before,
but it was a false charge.
I kind of pushed the foreboding away,
and the desire to just wannabe with somebody came back.
- [Narrator] But soon it becameclear he was more interested
in sex than marriage.
Octavia gave in to his sexual advances
out of fear of losing him.
She also stopped going to church.
A few months later, Octaviaknew her life needed to change.
- You gotta stop.
Like this is horrible.
You know you're notsupposed to be doing this.
- [Narrator] Two weeks later she went
to a Friday night church service.
- And I was telling God,"I'm sorry for all I did."
And it wasn't just I'm sorry,
like I felt like I neededto spill out everything.
He never rejected me.
I rejected him thinkingthat he rejected me.
But this was the firsttime that I received
his love and his forgiveness.
So for me, that was my veryfirst salvation moment.
It was life-changing to me, because
I didn't feel unworthy no more.
Like it was like a glimmer of hope now.
Like I have hope for my life.
I have hope for my future.
Like he's not distant, he really is near.
And I walked away with that just knowing
that I was loved and, the mainthing, I knew I was forgiven.
- [Narrator] A couple of days later
her boyfriend came over wanting sex.
She said no.
- And I said, "I'm so sorry,"and he began to step back.
All the while I'm praying,"God, just let him walk out."
And I shut the door.
I knew God had spared me from something.
- [Narrator] Over thenext year Octavia started
healing from her past andlearning to trust God.
Then one day she realized just how much
God had done for her.
Through the news Octaviafound out that D.J.,
her old boyfriend, had beenarrested for raping one woman
and murdering three others.
One he killed not long afterOctavia told him to leave.
Jones pleaded guilty andwas given a life sentence
with no possibility of parole.
- And I just began to cry outto God and tell him thank you.
I said, "Thank you, becausethat could have been me."
- [Narrator] Octavia wasfinally able to trust God
and believe him whenhe calls her beautiful.
- I see a woman who has a destiny.
I see that I'm not my past.
I'm not my multiple relationships.
I'm not the weed smoker.
I'm not the seductress.
I'm not the manipulator.
I'm not the liar.
I am a woman of God whofound out her God is real.
- [Narrator] Octavia wentback to college and graduated.
She married Dean, and together they pastor
Dominion Power Church International
in Kansas City, Missouri.
She's written several books,
including I Dated a Serial Killer,
that helps other womenheal from a painful past
so that they can live an abundantlife in Jesus Christ, too.
- If you give it to Godand trust him to take out
everything that was meant to destroy you,
he will put you back on a path to destiny,
and you will be able to fulfill everything
that God ordained for you to.