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Never Unworthy of Love

Sallie found her identity in sex, stripping, and drugs. She didn’t feel worthy of love until, years later, she met Rolland. Read Transcript

- I believed that I was worthless

that I was never gonna amount to anything,

that I couldn't survive on my own,

that I was a loser.

- [Narrator] Because of herverbally abusive father,

Sally Brace spent most of her childhood

feeling unworthy of affection.

One of the only times she felt loved

was when a different familymember was sexually abusing her.

- I had this sick thing in my mind

that what I was doing was love.

I associated it with love, thatthis family member loved me,

though I knew it was wrong.

I knew it was wrong and Icarried that with me all my life.

- [Narrator] In her teens sheused sex as a way to find love

and by 17 had married an older man

but the abuse continued, now physical

at the hand of her husband.

- Sometimes the beatingswere pretty severe

and I was one of thosewomen that kept going back

and kept going back andthen when my son was,

I think four years old, my husband had me

and was dragging me aroundthe house by my hair

and was slamming me into kitchen cabinets

and my little boy was standingthere screaming daddy stop.

And I told myself I can't do this anymore.

This is never going to stop,

either I'm gonna wind up killing him

or he's gonna wind up killing me.

- [Narrator] She eventuallydivorced her husband

and turned to stripingfor a sense of power

and a way to make fast money.

- I felt like I had this power over men.

It was look at me, I'msomebody, I felt like somebody,

you know, when you have that power,

you feel like you're somebody.

- [Narrator] Sally ran anescort service with girls

at the club that becamea prostitution ring

with adoring clients.

- They would provide justabout anything you wanted

or needed for that comfortin bed, for the sex.

- [Narrator] Cocainefueled her sexual lifestyle

until one day she had abrief moment of clarity.

- I found myself locked in a bathroom

and was shooting myselfup and I blacked out

and when I woke up that needlewas hanging out of my arm

and blood was dripping down my arm.

And I looked at myselfin the mirror and I said,

there's gotta besomething other than this.

- [Narrator] In her 30's,she was able to get off drugs

and left the sex industry.

Sally married several more times

with each marriageending in disappointment.

In 2011, her husband took his own life

while on the phone with Sally

sending her further into aspiral of pain and emptiness.

- I knew I was one drink awayfrom going back to the hood

to find crack.

I knew I was a drink away

from putting a crack pipe in my mouth

or a needle in my arm.

I just felt defeated, defeated, deflated.

I was done, I just wanted to die,

That life just wasn't worth living

because if life was nothing but pain,

why do I wanna go throughmore pain, constant pain.

- [Narrator] Alcohol maskedher pain until she met Roland,

who was a Christian andsaw Sally's wounded heart.

- Roland told me once, he said,

you know, underneath this tough exterior

that you want people tosee, this tough woman

is really a broken person.

And, excuse me, I justlooked at him and I said,

don't tell anybody becauseI didn't want people to know

how vulnerable I really was.

- [Narrator] Sally agreedto go to church with Roland,

though she was afraid shewould be judged and rejected

but what happened nexttook her by surprise.

- The minute I walked in thatdoor, I felt God, I felt him.

I felt it in those handshakesthat the women would give you

when you were met andthat's when God spoke.

(sobbing) Excuse me.

He said Sally, I know you hurt,

people will fail you but I never will.

I have watched you allyour life and I love you.

God spoke those words to me

and that was that defining moment

or the ah-ha moment that I knew everything

was gonna be okay.

And I was all in when he spoke to me,

it was like he's real.

God's real, he loves me.

- [Narrator] After decadesof heart breaking despair,

Sally found the love shehad always longed for

when she gave her life to Jesus that day.

- It was better than anydrug I could have ever taken

and all my life of drugaddiction, alcoholism

and I didn't crave any ofit, I didn't want any of it.

It was just overnight, it was gone.

And I was just so full and peaceful.

I was at peace and I nolonger felt worthless.

I felt love, I felt love.

- [Narrator] Sally andRoland soon married.

They now minister togetherwith their band, Bearing Armor,

pointing others to the love of God

as the only way to freedom and wholeness.

- That emptiness that I felt inside,

those names that I called myself were gone

because now on I'm the daughter of Christ,

I'm a daughter of the king,I have a heavenly father

who loves me and that's better

than anything here on this earth.

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