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When the Past Threatens to Destroy the Future

Chris grew up in a Mormon household with a low self-image. After two failed marriages, he knew he had to break free from the pain of his past. Read Transcript


- Time up there for I don't know,

I can't even remember the amount of time.

And as I'm walking downthe steps he looks at me

and he says, "Is that your apartment?"

And I turn up and there's a fire in there.

- [Narrator] Chris Plumb was 25

when he tried to burn away his past.

- Throughout my life asa child there was abuse.

Physical abuse, therewas the emotional abuse

but the abuse that reallyjust impacted my life

was sexual abuse.

- [Narrator] It was a close relative

and started when Chris was five.

Chris told the bishop ofhis Mormon congregation,

but nothing was done.

- I thought that I had donesomething wrong as a boy.

And so that was thatbeginning of my journey

of the lack of self worth.

- [Narrator] Confused and self conscious,

Chris discovered pornography

as a way of dealing with his feelings.

- There was no guilt or shame.

There was just filled with this newness.

It took all my worries away.

- [Narrator] The sexualabuse finally ended

when Chris was 14.

But by then the women he fantasized about

had become more than just an escape.

- Afterwards I just felt an enormous,

enormous amount of guilt, andan enormous amount of shame.

I would ask God to takethe shame and the guilt

and I asked him would you please

take these addictions away from me

so I can feel free and I can feel peace.

It felt like I was praying

and prayers were hitting the ceiling.

- [Narrator] Chris sank into depression.

In his early 20s he movedto Arizona for a clean start

but he couldn't breakfree from his addictions.

- So it wasn't just a porn addiction,

it had now gone into the beginning

of a full blown sexual addiction.

And I'm just thinking,wow I'm an awful person.

How can I, what's going on with me?

- [Narrator] Chris had a few girlfriends,

but they would never last long.

- I'd self destruct the relationship.

I am trying to get these girlsto love me and nurture me,

based on the way that I felt

that my mother should'veloved and nurtured me.

- [Narrator] One eveningafter a bad breakup

left Chris deeply depressed,he went to see his uncle.

- And I says man, I'mjust in really bad shape.

And then he said let's goover and get your clothes

and we'll come back andyou can stay at my house.

- [Narrator] After grabbing some clothes,

Chris met his uncle at his car.

Then they looked up

and saw flames in Chris' apartment window.

- [Narrator] Chris called 911

and the blaze was extinguished.

Investigators determinedthat the fire started

with a photo album.

Chris didn't remember lighting it.

But through counseling he understood why.

- I was just trying to burnthe memories of my life

and I had started with a photo album.

It was a representation ofgetting rid of the old life

because I was sodissatisfied and disgusted

what had happened throughout my life.

- [Narrator] Found guilty of felony arson,

Chris served three yearsprobation and had to pay damages.

With the help of counseling

he started to get his life on track,

but he still had serious doubts about God.

- I wanted to know isthere a God in heaven

who loves me unconditionally?

I was just looking for self worth.

And I wasn't finding it.

- [Narrator] In 2001 Chrismarried and had three kids,

thinking he had finally found love.

Chris was surprised thathe still felt worthless

and hurt inside.

- And I was using someoneto make me feel whole

and worthy and I justthroughout the marriage

I wasn't feeling it.

So I would be confrontational,

I would get upset easily,I would get angry.

- [Narrator] After 10 years of marriage,

Chris divorced his wife and left his kids.

He quickly married again

but just two years laterthey were separated.

Chris turned back to his porn addiction.

- And that's when it all began again.

And I'm like why am I doing this?

Why am I turning to thisand so I'm like time out.

- [Narrator] Seeking to break free

from his pornography addiction,

Chris found a Christian church

with a men's sexual accountability group.

He met with the group's leader, Dan,

who gave Chris a pamphlet

explaining what a relationshipwith Jesus was all about.

- And it talks about howyou're kinda separated from God

and then there's thesetwo cliffs on each side

and that there's a crossthat comes in the middle

and I'm reading it towards the end

and I look up to him andI go Dan, I can do this.

I accept Jesus Christas my Lord and Savior.

(gentle music)

I invite him into my heart.

Lord, forgive me of my sins

and I lay them at thecross for you to take.

Now God in heaven, please have mercy on me

and heal my broken soul.

That was the beginning journey of peace.

- [Narrator] Chris began attending

the accountability meetings

and grew in his personal walk with Jesus.

He later attended anintensive 16 week program

to get to the heart of his addictions.

Today Chris is addiction free.

Over time he has beenable to heal from his past

and has a good relationshipwith his ex wives and kids.

- There's healing and hope

through the power ofthe Lord Jesus Christ.

He is ready, he is willingand he is equipped.

And he's enough.

God loves me and I'mgrounded in God's love.

And so the self worth that I'm fueled by

is by the Lord Jesus Christ.

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