A Single Obsession… or The Fickle Feelings of My Psycho Heart
By Jennifer E. Jones
I caught up with a friend the other day who told me innocently, “I love reading your column. You’re always writing about how hard it is to be single, and I can certainly relate.” I know it was supposed to be a compliment, but I felt myself wince when his comment came across the phone lines.
Do I always talk about being single? Is that all I have to say to the world?
I never wanted to be one of those Cathy-comic-collecting, Bridget-Jones-reading, speed-dating singletons. The fact that I’m even mildly associated with such behavior gives me the heebie-geebies.
The Bible says to guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life
[Prov. 4:26]. And if I’m honest with myself, I know I talk and write about it so much because being single is an issue of my life – one I’ve tried to ditch ever since college.
Life at a Christian university was basically a giant dating game. Girls seeking their M.R.S. degree; guys on the hunt for their future pastor’s wife. Ring by spring. It was positively maddening. Unfortunately, in spite of my best collegiate efforts, I couldn’t keep a man even if I duct-taped him down to my dorm room floor.
The obsession only grew as I got older, and my options began to dwindle. There were blind dates, group dates, and let’s not forget going online. Personally, I’ve never encountered so many unusual men in all my life than I did on the Web. It was like being invited to a digital freak show. I had a few good conversations and one decent date. But for the most part, I was trying to dodge the losers, the liars, and the ones entirely too interested in my feet.
I can’t blame this all on the men. My attempts over the years at coupling were flawed at best. Most relationships never made it past a month, and the ones that did crashed and burned in a blaze of scary-chick antics. Some guys think I’m crazy, and they’re all right.
My most classic romantic blunder is one I call “Unnecessary Disclosure.” I revealed entirely too much on a date once – all my flaws, fears, my past, my present, my future dream of a husband, dog, and stylish loft apartment in SoHo. He smiled, nodded, excused himself from the table, and escaped through the bathroom window.
Nobody can beat me at sabotaging a relationship. When a certain Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson film came out a few years ago, I scoffed, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? I could lose him in 10 minutes – five if you let me use props.”
In spite of all my foibles, I still throw myself back in the game every chance I get. Even with a reputation for being a bit cynical towards love, when no one’s watching, I’m secretly watching dating reality shows and wiping away tears of joy at When Harry Met Sally. I can’t get enough of love, and as hard as I try, I can’t get away from it either. I’m so obsessed.
Lucky for me, God embodies love, and an obsession with love is an obsession with an aspect of Him. He made us male and female with the sole purpose of companionship [Genesis 2]. As much as the independent woman in us wants to rebel, most of us would rather be happily in love than in any other state of being. So don’t feel bad when those feelings stir as you watch Ever After for the millionth time.
Of course you can get carried away. I think being single only becomes a problem when marriage becomes an idol. The short trip to “crazy town” is getting up every the morning with only one goal of being engaged by Christmas.
There has to be balance in everything. So I beg of you, learn from my mistakes. It’s okay to be in love with love, and I’m sure one day it will actualize into a real guy who’s just crazy enough to love the crazy in you. Until then, we can daydream together with our feet firmly planted in this single season of our lives.
Got comments? Drop me a line.
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