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Courageous Wife Saves Her Marriage Through Fierce Love

Author Shauna Shanks shares how she fought for her marriage after her husband said he didn't love her and revealed his affair. Read Transcript

Shauna Shanks was the creative director

for the children's ministry at her church.

A few years ago, she went off to a weekend conference.

There, she was able to take a breather from her busy life

and do a little soul searching along the way.

Then, just one day after she got back from that conference,

her husband of nearly 10 years dropped a bomb on her.


NARRATOR: In 2013, Shauna Shanks was a month shy

of celebrating her 10-year anniversary when her husband

calmly asked for a divorce.

Two weeks later, he admitted to having an affair.

Though her husband was telling her their marriage was over,

God was saying something else.

God was tasking me to do the hardest thing I'd ever done--

loving my husband.

NARRATOR: In her book, "A Fierce Love,"

Shauna shares why she's telling the world about his affair

and what she relied on to restore their marriage.


Shauna Shanks is here with us now.

Shauna, welcome to "The 700 Club."


Thanks for having me today.

Great to have you here.

When your husband broke this news to you,

I mean, you were shocked.

This wasn't something you saw coming.


No, it completely took me off-guard.

We had three little kids at the time.

You know, I just figured that our marriage stuff was normal,

like everybody had it where you just kind of go

through lows and highs.

But I had no idea that he was that unhappy.

I just wasn't expecting it at all.


His attitude was really pretty cut and dried.

I mean, it wasn't like he was saying I'm thinking about this

or I might want to do this, I mean,

he pretty much said I don't love you anymore.


And that's not his usual nature.

Like, he's usually soft with me.

And I wasn't expecting it.

I didn't know how to react to it because I just

had never thought anything like that could happen.

But in his mind, he had already made the decision.

And I think he just thought it would be easier if he would

just kind of rip the Band-Aid.

And, you know, he had already mentally checked out

of the marriage, so I think he just wanted--

did that on purpose.

What happened then?

How did you react?

And what about your children?

Yeah, and that's--

you know, kind of my reaction was,

beyond the initial heartbreak of losing my husband,

you know, as women, we want to fix things.

And I automatically started thinking, like, OK, like,

what about this mortgage?

What about the kids' school if we split up?

And will I miss them if I don't have them on the weekends?

You know, all those things start going through my mind.

And so I just--

I wasn't sleeping.

And I knew that I had to get up in a couple

hours with the kids.

So I knew that I needed to pull myself together.

So I just kind of begged for the Lord,

and I said, God, please just give me

one thing I can focus on so that I can calm my thoughts

and get some sleep.

And that's when it all started.

He answered me that night, and he said to hope and endure.

And that was really the turning point for you in what

God was asking you to do.

I mean, he actually gave you 1 Corinthians 13, those verses

you were to look at.

And I loved what you said in your book,

because I thought that probably would have been my reaction.

I know those verses.


I've not only read those verses 100 times myself, I've

heard them at every wedding and every--

so how did God use such a familiar verse, or verses,

such a set of familiar verses, to really pierce your heart?


I mean, I'm the same as you.

I'm a church girl, and so I was like, God, I know that one.


I've got that.

You almost got me on that, but I already know that one.

But in this context of my husband

asking me for a divorce, and him taking me back there,

I just kind of became obsessed with those things.

Love is patient, love is kind.

It doesn't envy, it doesn't boast.

It's not rude, it's not self-seeking.

It's not easily angered, and it doesn't

keep a record of wrongs.

So in the context of my marriage imploding,

the verses that I thought were so easy

became the biggest challenge.

And two weeks after he asked me for the divorce

is when I found out that he was having an affair.

So I had already had two weeks' worth of what I end up calling

in the book a love filter.

So if my actions and reactions, and even

thoughts toward my husband, didn't

line up with the things in that scripture, and not to be angry,

not to keep a record of wrong, not to be jealous,

if my thoughts didn't line up to those things,

I just really felt challenge by the Lord

not to let them pass through.

And so I had already started working

in that discipline when I found out he was having the affair.

So I was able to react to him way differently than--

Than you would have.

--I normally would have, because it's not--

that verse in 1 Corinthians 13 is actually--

I don't know if people know this,

I didn't know this-- it's not our normal human instinct

to love that way.


So I guess--

yeah, it was the biggest challenge.

Without God, you aren't getting there from here.


And I think it's only possible through being

empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Here's the thing that I think was so--

you were so candid about this in your book,

was your husband didn't change in that beginning time,

because you used this as your love filter, but you changed.


How did God change you?

I think that, first of all, the love filter

just kept me busy, because I'm thinking

of what I was working on.

So instead of becoming obsessed with what he was doing,

and worried about what he was doing,

and being heartbroken by what he was doing, I was busy,

because I was busy filtering, OK,

are my thoughts lining up to the scripture,

am I doing what God has tasked me to do.

Because ultimately, you know, I have to stand before God

someday not according to what everyone's done to me,

but what I have done in obedience to the Lord,

what he has told me to do.

I could have pretended that I didn't hear God speak to me,

but I did hear him, and he did tell me to do that.

You know, one of the things that you--

one of the terms that you used in the book was you described

Micah's attitude during that time as blatant indifference,

which is almost worse than anger, you know?

It was.

It's just kind of like a wall that you run into.

But God really spoke to you, again,

about your blatant indifference.

SHAUNA SHANKS: Yeah, because I think that I just wanted to be,

like, he's done this, he's the blatant reason--

The perpetrator, yeah.

But God kept turning things around on me.

So I remember that night, he was--

I was sitting on one couch, because he

didn't leave the house.

He was laying on another, scrolling

through Face-- you know, social media,

was watching a football game.

And he was just so nonchalant.

And I'm devastated.

My world-- and I'm worried about the kids,

my world is being turned upside down, I'm heartbroken.

And I just thought, how dare you be that indifferent

about our relationship.

How dare you.

And a few days later-- and I wrote in my journal.

That's where this book came from,

was all of my journal entries.

And I wrote down, like, he is blatantly indifferent.

And the Lord put my nose in that journal a couple of days later

and he said, listen, young lady, like, you

promised to give your life to me, and to serve me

and to follow me.

And you do the same thing to me.

You're not serving me actively.

Your heart is not actively with me.

We do not have a strong relationship.

You are blatantly indifferent.

And how can you be upset that he is doing that when

you are doing the same thing?

And so it was--

God being that real to me and speaking like that,

it was very humbling.


Well, humbling and, as you said, really

kind of turned the tables on where your focus went,

but in a good way, ultimately.

Talk about reconciliation.

What did God do in your marriage?

So, everyone asked me, like, what

was the moment that changed it.

You know, there wasn't, like, one moment,

although there is a chapter called "Lord of the Ring,"

where he does end up giving me my ring back.

But I think there's ebbs and flows in the healing

process, where one day I would see his heart changing

toward me and I would be filled with hope,

and then the next day, you know, this is a mess,

and just kind of take some steps backwards.

So I think, for me personally, I had to be healed in Christ,

because the damage in our marriage was already too far.

So at some point, like, I stopped praying

for our marriage, even, and I was just praying,

you know, that God would redeem his soul,

and that he would find him.

And I'm just working on my own self.

I really think that I had to know who my identity was

in Christ before I could be healed and move on

with my husband.


And your marriage today?

My marriage today, we call it a first and a second marriage,

because even though we didn't officially get a divorce,

it is nothing like the first marriage, where both of us

were blatantly indifferent towards each other

and towards the Lord.

And now, through this season of finding redemption

and just, you know, being able to tangibly understand

the work of the cross in our own personal lives,

I think that we have purpose.

And we know what we're here on this earth for,

instead of just being lazy and--

And what an impact it will have on your children, as well

as those who read your book.

I just want to say the book is called "A Fierce Love."

We have only scratched the surface of Shauna's story,

but if you'd like to get more, get the book.

It's available nationwide wherever books are sold.

And its candor and the questions that it

will cause you to ask in your own soul I think

will change your life and change your relationship.

Shauna, thank you so much for being with us.

Thanks so much.

Great to have you here.

Thanks for having me.

Wonderful book.


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