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What are some ways you helped your children cope with 9/11?

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Helping Kids Beyond the Trauma

By Chuck Chalfant
CBNNews.com

CBN.com – The fifth anniversary of 9/11 may bring up powerful memories in all of us. Horrific images of the attack are haunting, especially to children. CBNNews.com researched findings from a number of child psychologists to learn ways you can help children process painful situations in a healthy manner.

Communicate

Make time to talk with your children. Listening carefully and respecting their concerns reinforces that they can talk about anything with you. This is also a great time to pray together and remind them that God always hears us.

If your child is hesitant to talk, ask 'what do you think?' rather than 'what do you feel?' Children sometimes find it easier to respond to a question about their thoughts.

Avoid making generalizations about groups of individuals. Open, honest discussion is recommended, but don’t state opinions as facts or absolutes. Also, avoid telling children what they should feel or how they should express their feelings.

Model
What parents do, think, and say are powerful influences on their children. By helping them find healthy ways of dealing with their feelings, you're helping to make our world a better, safer place.

Make sure to highlight the positive events. Point out that while a lot people were hurt, many others were not and most of those who were injured have gotten better. Look for stories of heroism and bravery in the face of disaster and point those out to your child. Show the child how the disaster brought out the best in people from all over the world who helped.

Remind them that God is ultimately in control and has put trustworthy people in place to help. Explain that the police, emergency workers, federal law enforcement, and school officials are working to keep people safe.

Teach
In the aftermath of a traumatic event, it’s difficult to see beyond the immediate pain and disorganization that seem to surround us. But five years later, we are able to appreciate the growth and learning beyond the initial pain. Below are some examples of lessons learned from Sept. 11.

There is an all-loving and all-powerful God who watches over us.

Life is uncertain so we need to make the most of every day.

Our country is filled with heroes who risked their lives to save strangers.

Although we may not have control over events in life, we do have control over how we respond.

There are people willing to die for what they believe in.

We should try to better understand our own passionate beliefs.

Help Children Feel Involved
Here are a few ways to help your children help and to work through their emotions.

Honor people in your community who protect the citizens. A note of thanks or some cookies go a long way in appreciating those who serve.

Have children write a rememberance letter with any questions they may have from a particular source. These could be sent to any number of places: New York City; the mayor of your town or city, police officers, or firefighters.

Pray and take part in special church memorial services together.

Encourage children to write about or draw what they are afraid of, but also the good things - firefighters and rescue workers coming to help, volunteers offering their services, etc.

Suggest ways the child can help. Some ideas? Perhaps contributing some money from their allowance to the Red Cross or foregoing a family outing to the movies and sending what that would have cost to relief efforts.

Other Helpful Hints
With the anniversary will come replays and all of the intense images of the terrorist attacks. Here are a few pointers from Fred Rogers to help if the coverage or memories become too much. These are also great things to remember for other times of crisis.

Do your best to limit how much television your child sees of any news event.

Remain calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.

Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing security.

Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on familiar patterns of everyday life.

Plan something that you and your child can enjoy together, like taking a walk or going on a picnic or having some quiet time together. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, both in good times and bad.

Let your child know if you're making a donation or going to a meeting, writing a letter of support, or taking some other action. It can help children know that adults take many different active roles...and that we don't give in to helplessness in time of crisis.

As a father of three daughters who range in age from six to 14, I found it was good to let the girls see my wife and I process all the emotions of 9/11, but still have our steadfast faith knowing God was in control. We answered a lot of questions and will continue to on each significant anniversary.

Open communication with each other and God is perhaps the best medicine for all of us.

Editors note: the Web sites in the related links block were used to compile this article

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