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Watch Paul Strand's in depth look at the New Canaan Society

Putting the 'Fellow' Back into Fellowship

By Paul Strand
Washington Sr. Correspondent

CBN.com – MOHONK MOUNTAIN, New York - When NBC News reporter David Bloom died in the Iraq War, several other journalists wrote about Bloom’s fervent faith in Jesus.

Some mentioned it was because of a group named The New Canaan Society that the New York-based Bloom was such a dedicated and lively Christian.

CBN News journeyed to the society's annual retreat to find out why the group has so changed men like Bloom and other VIPs and leaders in the Big Apple.

In many ways, New York City rules the world -- Wall Street and the media kingdoms there shape the fortunes and thoughts of millions, if not billions, of people. It is home to high rollers, movers and shakers, executives, and stars.

But it is also often a harsh, dog-eat-dog world that tends to cut these men off from God and their humanity.

Eric Metaxas, a humor writer for such productions as Veggie Tales, and a founding member of New Canaan Society, stated, "There's a culture of ‘going it alone,’ that sort of thing...macho culture...which the enemy uses to isolate men so that when things get hard in their marriages, things get hard in business, they do not know where to turn. They do not turn, generally, to other men because it would be an admission of weakness in that culture, so the enemy's got them coming and going."

Jim Lane started the New Canaan Society. "Many of them (men) are friendless. They're very consumed, often -- as I was -- with my career," he said.

Lane was a burnt-out Goldman-Sachs executive who decided to bail out of the rat race and search for meaningful, real friendships with men -- because, as a Christian, the Lord revealed to him he really needed them.

"Friends that could support you in all the difficulties...ups and downs...of life,” Lane said. “I have a wife, three daughters, and a female dog. It's no wonder that a men's ministry came out of my home."

Back in 1995, Lane gathered a few guys at his house in New Canaan, Connecticut for a Friday morning Bible study that he hoped might yield him three or four good comrades.

Among the first was Metaxas. He said, "Jim can be very persuasive, so he bullied me...in a Christian way...into joining him."

But word spread quickly that God seemed to be at this Bible study, and soon dozens of influential execs and VIPs who work in nearby New York City started to come. No matter how powerful or rich, these men began to realize they needed the same thing as Jim Lane: strong, lasting male friendships built around a common love for God.

Before he knew it, Lane had more high-powered movers and shakers than could fit into his mansion.

And the stout friendship these men offer has been a lifesaver for guys like Paul Michalski.

Michalski, a New Canaan Society member for three years, said, "I pulled up to this house and walked in, and was shocked to see 200 men in his living room."

"God brought me to the New Canaan Society and the New Canaan Society brought me to God," he added.

Michalski was one of those isolated businessmen like Lane had been. He admits he was a hard-to-live-with workaholic at the time he first came to the Society.

"I was very busy at work. I had become fairly isolated,” Michalski said. “And this was really the first male fellowship that I think I’ve had."

He had so ruined his marriage that he and his wife were preparing to divorce, and then he got involved with the small group of New Canaan Society men.

Michalski recalled, "It was pretty hopeless, and we had lots of Christians who told us, 'Give up...you should just move on,' but there were men in the small group who said, 'No, that is not what God wants.'"

Their firm stand helped Michalski find Christ, and then hold on until God healed his marriage. Another thing the Society offers men like Michalski and Manhattan businessman John Hackney is a safe, non-judgmental place to explore their doubts and feelings about God.

By his mid-30s, Hackney "...had pretty much decided I didn't have any use for a God whose existence I couldn't prove." Society members slowly, but firmly, moved Hackney along to the moment where he took a leap of faith and gave himself to Christ.

That is not that hard in an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit feels very real and close.

And lately, the men say He appears to be moving in power among them, like what happened to long-time Society member Paul Teske, right in front of a Friday meeting where he was the main speaker.

"About two minutes into my talk,” Teske stated, “I had a cerebral hemorrhage. I had an artery break in the center of my brain."

The verdict from the doctors: the Lutheran pastor would be crippled for life. But then Teske says he got a word from the Lord: he would be healed in 21 days.

And three weeks later, according to Teske, "I went to a healing crusade and was completely healed. I had eight doctors...they were all confounded."

So Society members who do not believe miracles and healing are for today, have to face the miracle of Teske every week he is at the meetings.

"My story validates healing,” Teske said. “They all saw me fall down. They all saw me in the hospital. They saw me with the walker and the wheelchair -- then they saw me healed."

But besides the presence of the Holy Spirit and His moving among their ranks, the New Canaan Society is one of the few places that Christian men can feel free to just be men...boisterous, honest, real men.

What the Society has managed to do is put the 'fellow' back into 'fellowship.' Because this all-male group is doing all it can to fight that feeling that so many men feel today: that their lives have become deeply irrelevant to the church.

New Canaan Society board member Mac McNally put it this way: "They feel that sometimes church is [either] a woman's thing or it's a crutch...it's not for them."

Christian men often stay away from church because they fight shame and guilt issues that can hound them for decades, and they don't believe a congregation would have them if it really knew them.

One of the New Canaan Society founders, B.J. Weber, says Christian women often don't understand that, and tend to want instant repentance and results from their men. The men then hate the feeling that pressure produces in them.

Weber said, "Women, when they confront guys, [the men feel] they can't measure up, and so they either climb into some kind of hole or get angry. But when men can confront each other...we can do that in love and laughter."

So it is important that the New Canaan Society offers men an accepting, laugh-filled, woman-free zone.

"Some of them are really beat up. And when they get together, they realize there are a bunch of other guys just like them that have these issues,” McNally said. “And we really want to hammer on those issues without crossing the line."

Humor is often a non-threatening way to do that, so it takes center stage at Society gatherings.

The group even has its own made-up comic, Skip Bowlinsky, played by Mac McNally.

McNally said, "He's a bowler from Chicago. He's an entertainer and a confidante to the stars."

Most New Canaan Society members are in the New York area. McNally explained that, after the 9/11 attacks devastated the city, "Skip Bowlinsky came up with this idea of Temp-tosterone: a temp agency for men.”

And, McNally added, “There was a real issue there. Guys were out of work. They didn't know what to do. They were frightened in some ways. Skip lightened it up."

The Society offers so much fun, faith and friendships, that attendance at its Friday Bible studies just keeps soaring, and it now attracts some 400 men to its annual retreat at a snowy resort in New York state.

Why such growth and success? Lane thinks it is because as men form true friendships at the Society, it makes it very real to them just how much God, too, wants their comradeship.

"He wants to be my friend,” Lane said. “He wants to hang with me. He wants to be with me."

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