COMMENTARY
Coming Out of Ozzie and Harriet's Closet
By Andy Freeman
CBN.com - This
isn't going to be easy. Telling the truth seldom is. But here goes: I'm
HAPPY.
I can hear the gasps of astonishment and roiling anger already. I know this
is far from acceptable in our politically correct society. But I can't help
myself. It's not just me. It's my wife, too. She is also extremely HAPPY.
You see, since our chosen type of lifestyle has grown unacceptable in tolerant
society, we have been living in Ozzie and Harriet's closet. It seems like
every time we tell others about our sexual orientation (opposite genders
enjoying "exclusive" sex), our fidelity (twenty years fast approaching),
and our desire to remain life partners (good and bad, til death do us ...),
people roll their eyes and remark how our HAPPY lifestyle is so "nostalgic,"
"quaint," and unusual.
With all due respect to the fruits, nuts, and flakes who have taken America's
media hostage: I will be silent no longer. Not only am I proud to be part
of the HAPPY community, I want the world to know just how HAPPY I am. I'm
thinking a few protest marches are in order. A legal defense organization:
the AHLU, and an international organization: The HAPPY Liberation Movement.
Maybe some slogans for bumper stickers like:
"Who Got the Hooch? My Freshie, Fresh Wife, That's Who" or
"Adam & Eve Knew the Score" or
"Married People Do It to Death."
I m feeling better already. My wife and I are so out of the closet now
that we've decided to raise our children to be openly "HAPPY." We're going
to live our "HAPPY" lifestyle right in front of them and all the world.
If they grow up and choose a "HAPPY" lifestyle, so be it. We'll love and
support them all the way.
Who knows? Perhaps even Hollywood will take up our cause. The next thing
you know, we'll see Tom and Nicole portraying marital fidelity right there
on the silver screen "Eyes Barely Open"-- with dolby sound no less!
Maybe Will or Jack will fall for Grace and end up walking the aisle with
her (Hey! It could happen, if the show's story editor, John Kinnally, were
just a little more open-minded). Or we might even see a wacky reality series
on television about the romantic reward and emotional satisfaction of saving
your virginity to share with your one, true love: "Survivor".
Calling all "HAPPY" people living quiet lives across America.
It's time to come out of Ozzie and Harriet's closet. Start flaunting your
commitment and satisfaction with the ones you love. Let the world know how
HAPPY you really are!
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Andy Freeman is Vice President of Television Programming at CBN and Executive
Producer of The 700 Club.
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