The Christian Broadcasting Network

The 700 Club with Pat Robertson


Forgiving Yourself After Choosing Abortion

By Christine McWhorter
The 700 Club -“She gave me an ultimatum. Either we were going to get married, or she would  have an abortion,” Maurice said. “My decision was that I was NOT going to get married.”

More than anything, Maurice Huff wanted to be a teacher. After high school, he enlisted in the Air Force to pay for college. However, and announcement from his girlfriend jeopardized his plans. As it turned out, she was pregnant.

Maurice said, “It backed me into a corner. I felt angry and confused.” He was a Christian, and he knew abortion was wrong. He said,” My feelings on abortion up until this point were basically, I would have said I was against it, personally. But once I was faced with that decision with marriage over my head, I looked at it like abortion was my only way out.”

So he and his girlfriend wen to a clinic, where they performed the abortion. Then, she said something that left him stunned. “She said that the child would have been a boy,  and for the first time really started thinking of this not just being an abortion, but really being a life,” He said. “Everything hit me all of a sudden. My mind was just racing a thousand miles a minute.”

When he got home, he had a vision.  He said, “I saw myself with a gun.  At a child’s head. And I shot him.  And when the trigger went off, that’s when I realized, I just took a child’s life but there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I’m the one that did it.” He said, “I felt worthless. I felt like you know, you took a life, so why should you be living? You don’t deserve to live.“

He and his girlfriend eventually broke up, but the guilt still haunted him daily. He said, “The emptiness that I felt, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It was just a total empty feeling- a sad, gut-wrenching feeling.  More than anything it was just a guilt. You feel a tremendous heaviness, guilt.”

Maurice grew tired of days filled with anxiety and sleepless nights. He was a Christian as a child, and now he returned the one place where he experienced peace-church.

He said, “I started to read scriptures about forgiveness, scriptures about healing, scriptures about restoration. The more I read the bible, the better I began to feel, I was beginning to understand God’s forgiveness, but I still had not forgiven myself completely.“

One day, while Maurice watched the 700 Club, Terry Meewsen talked about using writing to help in the healing process. Maurice decided to give it a try.

“Each day I would write my thoughts about the abortion and the more I began to write, the better I was feeling,” he said. “One night about 3 in the morning I was a wakened with a whole storyline for a book.  I jumped out of bed and started writing a whole story line related to this abortion.”

Maurice eventually wrote two books: The Choice that Haunts Forever, and The Choice that No Longer Haunts.  He is now married and has two children. He says he is thankful for God’s forgiveness.

“Even if you make this mistake, you don’t have to wallow in guilt. Ask God for forgiveness and He will grant you forgiveness.”

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