Discovering a Father's True Love
By Dory Nissen
The 700 Club
CBN.com -Linda Carter grew up in a home with several brothers and sisters. But even when she was young she knew that their dad was not her biological father. “It was somewhat painful. It made me feel a little sad because it was their father and not mine.”
Linda longed for attention from her biological dad but he rarely came to see her. “It might be years before I would see him – or months. So it was always, ‘When am I going to see him?’ ‘Will I ever see him?’ Those questions always were in my heart.”
So Linda turned to other girls at school for acceptance and discovered she was attracted to them. Linda grew up in church and knew homosexuality was wrong. But her desires overwhelmed her reason. “It was the long hair, the cute shape, the femininity.”
When Linda was 18, a friend invited her to a gay bar. “I went because I wanted to see what was all this I had been struggling with for years. Was this something I really wanted to go into? And so sure enough we went that Friday night to a club and it was like ‘wow.’ I was opened up to another world of people. “Women dancing with women, men dancing with men, I had never seen this before. So you’re just feeling so loved and so, ‘oh yeah, I finally made it. This is what I’ve been seeing in my head. Now I finally get to walk into it.’”
Linda was mesmerized by the gay lifestyle, and the partying that went along with it. “There is a part of you deep down that knows it is wrong .”
Then, Linda finally met a man she liked. The relationship was going well - until he started beating her. Linda quickly returned to the arms of other women. “You always think that, ‘Okay, a man hurt me so I’m going to cling to a female. They won’t hurt me.’ That’s what was put in my head.”
Linda had multiple lesbian relationships throughout college and her early career. “It’s like a cycle. Just keep revolving - same thing, pretty much - just different names. There is a part of you deep down that knows it is wrong. I didn’t know how to get out of it.”
Then she met another man different from anyone she’d met before. This time she was sure it was the real deal. “And so he took me out. I mean, treated me just like the perfect lady. I mean, I’m just like ‘wow’. I was really in love with this man. He treated me like somebody. He wasn’t rough with me or mean to me, not at all. He was just very compassionate.”
Wedding bells rang in Linda’s head. One phone call silenced them and sent Linda‘s world into a tailspin. “I called him and his mom answered the phone and I noticed her attitude had just, had turned on me. So I told her that I needed to speak with him, and she said, ‘Well, he’s gone on his honeymoon. He got married.’ And I lost it. My response was, ‘Men. They’re all the same - hurtful.’ I hated men. I wanted nothing more to do with them.”
Linda sank into a deep depression. She drank heavily every day. “You have these memory lapses of like you remember in parts, bits and pieces. You have these blackouts.”
One morning Linda woke up and could not remember one detail of the night before. “And I was like, ‘I am so tired of this. I am so tired of having to wake up with these hangovers.’ I’m just laying in bed talking to myself. ‘I am so tired of trying to figure out which way I got home. Did I hit anybody? I’m so tired of this.’ I dropped to my knees, lifted up my hands to Jesus Christ, tears flowing, and repented of my sins. And I asked Jesus to come into my heart. It was awesome. It was like the shedding of the old life and the embrace and the newness, the freshness of God. And it was just like a load lifted off.”
Linda began reading her Bible every day and started going to church. She surrounded herself with Christian friends that supported her. Linda has since written a book about her life and what Jesus Christ means to her. And she mentors other women who have left the gay lifestyle and are living their lives for the Lord.
“I can think clearly. I have the mind of Christ now. I know who I am. I’m very confident in who I am. I’m enjoying being a female. I no longer have a struggle. And (I am) just enjoying the journey, enjoying the walk, enjoying learning about the things of the Lord, and knowing who I am. So it’s just freedom, freedom, freedom in Christ Jesus.”
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