Dianne Partian: Freed From Lesbianism
By Dory Nissen
The 700 Club
Dianne Partain was born into what appeared to be a normal, American family.
“Everyone that would look at my family would say, ‘Oh, you have a wonderful family. Your mom is so cool. Your dad is so cool.’ And it looked so happy and normal,” Dianne said. “But underneath all that, there wasn’t a day that went by when I wasn’t living in intense fear, in darkness and loneliness and isolation.”
From the time Dianne was 3-years-old, she was raped by a male family member. She never told anyone out of fear of retribution, which grew worse as she got older.
“It caused me intense fear. I felt like love from a man, affection from a man; it hurt. I felt all men were hurting all women everywhere,” she said. “The sexual abuse caused me to be confused about men. I just came to the decision that because I was afraid of men and comfortable with women, that I obviously was a lesbian. I wasn’t even sure what that meant actually. I didn’t put a title on it for many years because I didn’t know how to describe it. I just knew that I didn’t feel safe with men. I felt safe with women and I wanted to be with a woman. I didn’t like who I thought I was. I didn’t feel normal; felt that if people knew who I was and what I was that they would hate me, look down on me. And because of that, in high school I started doing amphetamines. I started smoking pot. I started doing all kinds of drugs just to numb that feeling that I was having inside, the fear of rejection.”
She had several relationships with women as the years went on. Deep down she still hated herself.
“The first thing on my agenda was to find some drugs and start using,” Dianne said. “All I did was - sun up to sun down - was try to stay high and use as much drugs as possible.”
In a desperate attempt for attention, Dianne slashed her wrists.
“Even when the paramedics came, they said, ‘This looks like a person who really did not want to kill themselves but was just angry, and confused, and asking for help.’ And I looked at the paramedic and I said, ‘I am. I don’t really want to die. I just can’t continue to live the way I am.’”
The physical wounds healed but the emotional scars remained. A new co-worker sensed her despair and persuaded Dianne to come to church. Dianne did and asked Jesus Christ into her life. She rejected her homosexual lifestyle and stopped doing drugs. But it wasn’t long until she was back to her old addictions. The self hate ran so deep that one Sunday morning Dianne found herself begging God to end her life.
“I just prayed, ‘God, I’m not sure if it’s a sin to kill myself, so I don’t want to have to do that.’ I told him I couldn’t take it anymore; I couldn’t live another day the way that I was. I just begged him; I just begged him. I mean I was on my knees sobbing, from the bowels of my body, just begged Him to take me,” Dianne said.
At that moment, God heard Dianne’s cry. Dianne says an overwhelming sense of love filled her heart.
“I saw myself - not Dianne the drug addict, not Dianne the lesbian, Dianne the depressed, Dianne the ugly person, Dianne the unloved and unlovely person. I saw myself as Dianne the whole and complete child that He created me to be,” she said. “I got in the car and went to this little church and said, ‘Praise God! I’ve been set free from drugs and alcohol and lesbianism.’ They let me get up and share my testimony. They received me in love.”
Dianne’s friend from work taught her to read the Bible and get involved in her church. Dianne also learned that she needed to forgive the family member who had abused her as a child.
“It was like I was set free for the first time and the new found freedom through forgiveness,” she said. “I felt like I was given a new lease on life, which was a fresh start on life. It was extremely important.”
Today, Dianne is happily married and living each day with Christ as the center of her life.
“I know that I love Him more than anything in this world. I know that I have surrendered my life to Him and given him my self. I couldn’t imagine walking out of that. I couldn’t imagine leaving His hands, His safety,” Dianne said. “Just knowing that God, the creator of this universe that spoke everything into existence is my Dad; He is my Papa and He loves me and I love Him. There is nothing in this world that compares to that - nothing.”
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