Tracy Judkins: Cry Out to 'The God That Can'
By Audra Smith
The 700 Club
Original Air Date: November 8, 2010
"I lived in constant fear. My parents were constantly fighting. My father was an alcoholic. I felt that I was always alone. Even in the midst of people, I was always alone and had to protect myself. "
Tracy Judkins ran away from the chaos of her dysfunctional family at the age of 17. To support herself, she ran into an even darker place.
"The world of topless dancing is a world of fabrication," Tracy tells The 700 Club. "The only way you are accepted is sexually. You have to learn how to manipulate manipulation."
Tracy also got hooked on methamphetamines. She says, "At first, when you start this drug, there is a huge lie that it tells you. You are super powerful. You can do all things. It is euphoric. But, no matter how much methamphetamines I did or how much alcohol I drank, it wouldn’t make the pain go away."
In 1996, Tracy found out she was pregnant.
"I had met my daughter’s father in a restaurant. While I was pregnant, I didn’t use any alcohol or drugs. But as soon as I decided to pick up, that roaring lion was waiting there for me the whole time. It came back 1,000 fold. As a direct result of that, I lost everything."
Including the only person she loved – her daughter. "I went to my mother and told her I could no longer take care of my child. My daughter was taken to her father and I lost joint custody. When I had lost my daughter, I remember being in the back seat of a car crying because I was supposed to be in court that day, and I couldn’t go because I was too high."
As Tracy’s drug use escalated, she turned to crime to buy drugs.
"I began this journey of intense violence. It was theft. It was assault. I had no conviction at all. I had no fear. I had no fear because I didn’t believe in God."
Tracy was in and out of jail and mental institutions. The streets became her home.
"I had warrants out for my arrest. My own mother had an order of protection against me because I became violent towards her."
Finally, Tracy turned herself in to the police and went to jail.
"I felt as though I hadn’t just hit the bottom, but I slammed through to the pit. I felt such despair. There was no hope. No hope. No light. I cried out to a God that I didn’t believe in. I said, ‘If you are real, you have to help me. Please help me.’ I was crying out again, to a God I didn’t believe in.
"It must have been 10 minutes of crying and crying, and suddenly out of nowhere, I felt a warmth hit both of my feet and at the same time. The warmth was so profound that in that fetal position, I opened my eyes and shook the tears out of my eyes to see who was touching me. Nobody was touching me. The heat traveled up, and when it got right to my stomach, I knew what it was, and Who it was from. I knew it was a healing, and the words that came out of my mouth were, ‘Praise you sweet Jesus of Nazareth.’ How I knew to say that, I’ll never know. The warmth traveled up my entire body and I felt a comfort and peace I had not felt all of my life. It was the beginning of my life."
In 2005, Tracy entered a women’s halfway house and went to church.
"The changes that started happening to me were so profound – so profound. I started to have an intimate relationship with Jesus. I was running to Him. I wanted to know, who is He? What is He about? What happened to me? What did I experience? The healing I received, I didn’t say, ‘Praise you, Mohammed.’ I didn’t say, ‘Praise you, universe.’ My exact words were, ‘Praise you, sweet Jesus of Nazareth.’ So I wanted to know that sweet Jesus of Nazareth."
Today, Tracy is completely free from her drug addiction and mentors recovering addicts in Arizona. She earned her degree in business management and recently married.
"Jesus is my best friend. He’s my Lord. He’s my Comforter. He’s my Savior. What I would say to that person out there that has no hope, has no faith, that is steeped in disbelief. Do whatever it takes: fall on your knees, fall upon your face and cry to the God that can. I promise you that He will. I am proof of it."
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