Watermark: Cradling Hope
By Zsa Zsa Palagyi
The 700 Club
LISA RYAN: Let me ask you about a season
in your marriage that might have been a little more painful.
CHRISTY NOCKELS: We started trying to have a family
in 1999it was January of 99and we didnt really
think through things. I think I was pretty much controlling over ityou
know, I had all the days counted out, and this is when we should get pregnant,
and hell be this age when we do this, and Ill be this age.
We lost that first baby at 7 weeks, and it was very painful physically,
actually. I had to go into the emergency room, and Nathan drove all night
in an ice storm to get back to me. I was just terrified. I just couldnt
imagine. My doctor in Houston was not very understanding and wasnt
really explaining anything to me. He was like, 'Oh, this is common. One
out of every three pregnancies is a miscarriage' and was just really matter-of-fact
LISA RYAN: So many women experience miscarriage and
yet we talk about it so little. Its like what your doctor did, 'Oh,
it happens. Its natural. Its really for the best' and then
almost go on like nothing happened. Yet youre dealing with a huge
lossloss of a dream, loss of that knowledge of life within youand
theres a grieving that has to take place.
NOCKELS: It was so hard for me. I think I had a harder time with
it, with the first one, because I really think it was all so new anyway
to Nathan that I dont think it really hit him as hard as it did
me the first time. Then it took us a little while to get pregnant again,
but again I was just, 'OK, were going to try again. Were going
to get pregnant.' I got pregnant in July of 99 and lost that baby
in late September. That one really hit Nathan.
NATHAN NOCKELS: It was kind of like out of bounds and
out of my hands. I felt like all I could do was pray. All I could do was
to tell God, 'God, help us through this. I don't know what to do.' It
was a really dark time, but at the same time it is strange because I look
back on that and I remember that being a very spiritually enlightening,
very bright light time. I think it was because everything was stripped
away, just like that, and there was nothing except for us and God.
CHRISTY NOCKELS: Weve experienced grief for the
first time and learned about that process, but I think through grief,
God just showed me some places in my life that I needed to surrender.
I needed to surrender control over timing and when we were going to have
a child. Now I look at Noah and I think Id never have Noah. Gods
timing is perfect and ours isnt. Hes in control of when our
bodies dont do what theyre supposed to and our fragile little
bodies dont work. Hes in control of that. I look at Noah and
hes just such a blessing.
LISA RYAN: What has God taught you about Himself and
about yourselves through Noah, through this little tiny person?
NATHAN NOCKELS: Hes moving out of baby and getting
into toddler, and were getting into discipline stuff for the first
time. Its just scary. We get irritated with him, like, 'Noah, you
need to listen to Mommy and Daddy the first time. Listen the first time.'
We can just hear God saying, 'Nathan and Christy, I just need you to listen
(laughter), to obey the first time.'
LISA RYAN: The first time.
NOCKELS: The first time (laughter).
LISA RYAN: Obedience, kids.
NATHAN NOCKLES: Oh yeah.
LISA RYAN: You see the heart of God when you begin to
CHRISTY NOCKELS: Its just like the unconditional
love thing. Its like you start understanding that. We cant
possibly have the unconditional love that He has, obviously, but I do
know that theres nothing that Noah could do to make me love him
any less. I know how God feels about me, probably for the first time.
CBN IS HERE FOR YOU!
Are you seeking answers in life? Are you hurting?
Are you facing a difficult situation?
A caring friend will be there to pray with you in your time of need.