Two Buckets of Love
CBN.com He was uncharacteristically tender that day. A successful businessman with a booming voice and a will of steel, he was almost quiet when he sat on the edge of my bed.
“I have a big bucket of love for you and it’s all filled up to the top,” my dad said. “And, do you know what? My wife and I are going to have another child, so there will be your brother and you and a new baby. Vicki, do you know what happens when there is going to be another child?” he asked me.
“No,” I sniffled, as a young teenager. “You probably have to share the love,” I murmured in a practical, yet heart-broken voice.
“No,” he smiled, “you get another bucket of love.” He explained that each child gets his or her very own bucket.
“Oh,” I sighed, and leaned into his chest, not sure what that would mean for me, and still convinced I was about to lose some love from my bucket. After all, how does another bucket just appear out of nowhere?
Now, as a mother for the second time, this unlikely math is adding up….
On July 1, 2008, Trevor and I welcomed our second son into the world, Brock Patrik Norris. When he made his debut, he was placed on my chest and I could feel him start to sink into my heart….
Trevor and I searched his face and tiny little body and remarked, “He doesn’t look anything like Nash.” We know our Nash from head to toe and he had become the heartbeat of our lives. It was impossible not to compare. I worried that Brock would somehow know that we were comparing, that he would feel second-best.
Then Nash wouldn’t look at me in my hospital bed on his first visit. On his second visit, a look of pain darted across his face as he saw me holding Brock. An accusing look I had never seen before out of his trusting blue eyes. A protective, hot pain seized my chest as I struggled to make room for Brock in territory that was owned by Nash. When would the bucket arrive???
During my maternity leave, we swung into a blur of changing, chasing, nursing, burping, sleeping, not sleeping, crying, rocking, chasing some more, hollering, humming, and dreaming. The shutter clicked much less frequently for Brock than it had for Nash. Could he tell?
In the middle of the night I stumble dizzily down the hallway toward the cries and my head bobs with sleep deprivation in the rocking chair. While Brock is on my shoulder I bury my nose in his silky fine hair and drink in his smell. While in the bouncy seat, his lower lip quivers pathetically and I pick him up and snuggle him close.
And during Nash’s bath time, I’m reading “One Fish, Two Fish,” hunting for the frog, and lathering that pinky body with baby soap. I’m covering his scrapes with “goo” and brushing his teeth with his blinking toothbrush. I’m saying to him, “Do you know how much Mommy loves you?” He giggles and kisses me. No more looks of pain.
I can set Brock down to play helicopter or puzzles with Nash.
And “Be careful! Be nice to your brother!” has become a familiar response to Nash’s impish pokes.
The brothers are equalizing in our home and an oozy, yummy comfort has spread out under my feet.
As I’m emerging from my incubation period, I’m no longer worried about what each will feel because somewhere between midnight and kisses my two buckets are overflowing.
About the Author: Vicki Norris is an expert organizer, business owner, speaker, television personality, and author who inspires people to live out their priorities. She is author of Reclaim Your Life™ © 2007 by Vicki Norris and of Restoring Order™ to Your Home, © 2007, a room-by-room household organizing guide, both published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR (available now at www.RestoringOrder.com). Norris is a regular on HGTV’s nationally syndicated Mission: Organization, and is a recurrent source and contributor to national lifestyle publications including Quick & Simple magazine, Better Homes & Gardens, and Real Simple magazine.
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