Single Seeking Sanctuary
By Laura J. Bagby
CBN.com Sr. Producer
For single chicks, another weekend joyous celebration
of family togetherness can be an emotionally exhausting event—one
that can lead you down an introspective path of “should
have”, “could have” internal monologues of self-berating
comments to a mid-life crisis search for the meaning of life and
the answer to the “why” of your single status.
Somewhere in the midst of the festivities, a single, confident,
financially independent woman can crumble in emotional fragility—if
she takes herself too seriously or thinks about her life situation
Admittedly, this began to happen to me not too long ago. I was
invited to an open house party for a couple who had newly adopted
their first child. Initially on arrival I was quite calm. My new-mommy
friend was gracious and welcoming, as were the rest of her family.
I liked the chance to tour the home a little bit and felt confident
in myself and in my position in life.
But as the people kept coming in and out with children in tow
—many that I knew as my single, graduate school peers, people
who looked happy and successful now—and the conversation
subtlety shifted from career and free-time activities to home
improvement and childcare, I found myself plastered to the safety
of the refreshment table, gobbling up the goodie trays to avoid
conversing, instead of connecting with the parents congregating
in the other rooms or crying over the tender adoption video. And
you have got to understand: I like children; and they usually
It’s just that when unexpectedly overwhelmed, I find myself
faking it. Ever been there? You fake that you know lots about
kids or that you understand about homes or other “grown-up”
topics by smiling and nodding in agreement. You might swap stories
about your sister’s or brother’s kids, or even pathetic
vignettes about your dog, in hopes of relating on the same level
so as not to be left behind in the conversational volley.
But after a while, you are not in the mood to openly contemplate
what you haven’t experienced firsthand. You find yourself
in the precarious position of wanting to care, but tiring of trying
to fit in. It just reminds you of what you don’t have. It’s
that recognition that you and your peers are in two different
places in life. You talk about meeting men; they talk about meeting
their kindergarten teachers. You talk about the remote possibility
of buying a home; they talk about buying a home like it’s
another point on their to-do list, complete with how their perfect
husband plans on making renovations. You talk about children as
if the notion is incredibly far away; they talk about children
like they are planning to have their second tomorrow.
It’s during times like this when I would much rather run
than stay, when I feel somehow less than as a Christian and as
a woman, that I am thankful for someone who can vocalize acceptance
of my singleness without my fishing for it and without feeling
sorry for me. And wouldn’t you know it? Soon joining me
at the refreshment table was a married woman I knew from graduate
school, a delightfully vibrant, blonde mother of several children.
We caught up on each other’s news, and then she asked me
if I wanted to take a tour of the baby’s new room with her.
I had felt awkward when the call for the tour came several times
earlier in the evening by the hosting couple. But now I felt honored,
so I gladly accepted the offer. It felt safe to join my blonde-headed
friend on a venture to the baby sanctuary.
We snuck upstairs and entered the sweet little nursery. Standing
inside the room that smelled like baby powder and love, I didn’t
feel a bit on edge. I let my mind dream of the possibilities a
little. I pictured the new baby growing up and becoming a little
girl, then a teen. This is the kind of room she could grow
into, I thought. As I stared out the window overlooking the
street, I found myself saying to my friend, “I think I would
like to adopt someday.” I let the words roll off my tongue
and wondered if I really knew what I was saying or if I really
did want that. I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that it felt
natural to say that. That’s so cool! I heard her
say. I so appreciated her vote of confidence in me.
Before long it was time to rejoin the party. The moment was soon
over as my friend joined in a conversation with another parent,
and I squeezed past to head back downstairs and to return to thoughts
of my career and my evening plans. But I thanked God for that
moment when someone was perceptive enough to ease my fears and
with nonjudgmental words and open acceptance grant me a big hug
from the Father heart of God.
How often do we as singles forget that God loves us right where
we are? Yet He says that He cares for us, that He knows every
hair on our heads, and that He has our names written in His Book
of Life. And nothing can separate us from the love of God –
not even our singleness.
Thank You, Lord, that You love me where I am. Lord, I ask
that in Your own special way You will place me as a single person
into the family of God as You see fit. Grant me a kind word and
a tender hug during those moments when my singleness threatens
to undo me. Keep me ever in Your care, and help me to remember
that You have good things in store for me in Your perfect timing.
In Jesus’ name,
More articles by Laura
Laura J. Bagby produces the Health and Finance channels. She writes inspirational, humor, singles, and health articles.
CBN IS HERE FOR YOU!
Are you seeking answers in life? Are you hurting?
Are you facing a difficult situation?
A caring friend will be there to pray with you in your time of need.